My best post ever. There’s nowhere to go from here but down.

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Have you all heard of the fixed gear bicycle craze that’s sweeping urban centers as well as out lying rural areas world wide?
It’s good to see that the Bicycle Retailer is keeping up with the times.
It is, after all a more pure form of bike.

I know this because I heard it said one time.
Now then- Generally, and by ‘generally’ I mean nearly 99% of the time, I prefer to maintain a level of journalistic credibility in the things I write about on this here website. I typically am successful in doing this due to the fact that I spend a great deal of time documenting events that I experience first hand, thereby circumventing any further need to research just exactly what transpired during said event, (unless I was asleep or otherwise occupied) but occasionally I might file a report of questionable truth, or even go so far as to link an article or video that is built entirely of LIES.
Fanny packs are cool again? No. No they are not.
Just because an entire demographic are choosing to travel down this particular path of aesthetics, doesn’t mean that it’s right.
A hell of alot of people like The I.C.P., but this doesn’t mean they don’t suck.
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While we are on the topic of that which does and does not suck, this next link I think falls pretty succinctly under the header of art that doesn’t. I initially found it a few weeks ago while perusing the interwebs, was then later sent the link from Brent, and even after that recently came across a segment about the artist in question on Telemundo.
Take a shovel and dig Dirty Car Art(dot)com.
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And there I was thinking that no one could possibly surpass the trademark cartoon male genitalia motif I’ve been developing for nearly two decades, though as I responded to Brent, possibly some of my most favorite work in this particular medium is as follows;
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It’s the work of couple true visionaries if I ever saw it.
Now, lets talk about a matter of business for a second. You might notice in the upper right hand corner of our site that the ‘Maximo Supremo’ heading is beginning to take form. Yeah, I’m a corporate slut who has totally sold out, but this is how I intend to keep this site afloat. Now it needs to be noted before you go running away and losing interest in coming here because I’ve assaulted your D.I.Y. ethos, that the folks who I am in the process of selecting to exist in this section are not only independently maintained businesses, but also dear friends as well as genuinely good people who I whole heartedly believe in personally as well as professionally.
Of course it begs to question how I might respond if say, Nike, or any other mega-entity contacted me about purchasing ad space. (Hm. Not likely.) But if we did spiral into a bizarro world and that were to occur, I honestly don’t know what I would do aside from being profoundly torn on the matter as I have no personal relationship with the brand or anyone in its employ whatsoever, and like Sean says, “you gotta sell out to eat out” but at this juncture I’ll just say that I’ll cross that bridge if I ever come to it. (Though if Budwesier wanted to get up on here, yeah. I’d do it. I’ve put all of their kids through college at this point. The way I see it, they owe me.)
For now however, I am committed to maintaining as independent a flavor as I can, and I truly appreciate your continued understanding and support.
As far as creative sources of income go, I’ve just gotten an initial run of AHTBM stickers that if any of you all feel a wild hair to purchase, for the time being, all you would have to do is send a buck a piece and a SASE to;
AHTBM
P.O. Box 686
Soquel, Ca. 95073

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Make note that creatively adorned envelopes will get an extra little something in the return.
Operators are standing by.
On Monday I came across a bulletin that was posted by my friends from the Southern California trio Who Rides The Tiger directing people to come and spend some time in the Black Market;
“Do you have an interest in moustaches, Danzig, powdered donuts, unicorn semen, bicycles, slot cars, bacon, little children who look like Mussolini, canned beer, and/or rock music? If you answered yes to any of the above then you should stay the hell away from www.​allhailtheblack​market.​com
Seriously, don’t go there.”

Well, if I could possibly begin to return their kindness, allow me to say that if you have a penchant the big sounds of rock and/or roll, stop through their site and download their album for free, or better yet, buy the damn thing so that they might soon be able to finance a tour and you can witness their spectacle in all three dimensions.
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Just to back them a little further into a corner, I’ve contacted them about preforming at my 40th birthday, (to which all of you are invited) along with another band who I’ve regularly featured since their video debuted on The Bummer Life last October. It’s still a far piece away (a year from this Saturday, as a matter of fact), and at the risk of jinxing myself, so far I’ve gotten a green light from all parties involved, so I’ll keep you posted.
Now, here is this that I found via Duncan;

Impending diabetes is obviously good to dance to.
For friends and strangers alike in the Midwest, the good people from the Urban Assault Ride series have their season coming to a close. This week in Chi-Town and next week in my home away from home of Minneapolis. While the weather is still nice in both locations, I feel as though this event might very well be the best way to wave goodbye to to the Summer sun. Beer, bikes and Big Wheels?
How could you possibly go wrong?
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Then as far as ‘going wrong’ is concerned, there is a single speed mountain bike race in Colorado this weekend and so far I have received no fewer than 15 announcements for pancake breakfasts, polo competitions, pre-ride barbecues, post-ride barbecues, moon bounce parties, lumber jack contests, and so on. To save space, let’s just say that if you’re there, there is a veritable summer camp style laundry list of activities to partake in.
Don’t forget to go by the face painting booth followed up by the wallet and God’s eye making activity hour..
This weekend we also will see the year’s largest meeting of bicycle messengers and people who look like bicycle messengers going down in the land of the rising sun, that if you’re worth your weight in spoke cards and sling bags, you maybe should find yourself attending.
My friends from COG Magaine who not only look like messengers, but who actually are, will be there and have all kinds of tricks up their sleeves;
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In closing, I must now make mention that one of the greats has passed through this mortal coil.
Go with God, Mr. Swayze.
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May you dance in a dirty fashion with angels forever.
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20 Responses to “My best post ever. There’s nowhere to go from here but down.”

  1. Nick September 16, 2009 at 4:09 am #

    The girls dirt impression has a muffin top.. er. Someone send her a Butter is not a snack sticker.

  2. jimmy September 16, 2009 at 6:39 am #

    great one indeed – envelope on the way stevil

  3. snombie September 16, 2009 at 6:45 am #

    “You gotta sell out to eat out” Hmmm, what about “You gotta pay out to eat out…?” It seems (we guys) often do.
    New sticker idea, what about “I EAT WHAT VAL KILMER EATS” – http://dailyblabber.ivillage.com/entertainment/archives/val_kilmer_071003_03.jpg

  4. Robert September 16, 2009 at 6:54 am #

    Seriously bummed about Swayze. Why couldn’t it have been Chuck Norris? That guy is a jackass.
    Oh wait…

  5. Jim September 16, 2009 at 7:40 am #

    My 5 year-old son has a philosophical disagreement with you on your premise (conclusion?) that Butter Is Not A Snack. Stop by the house some time and we will demonstrate the many ways in which it can be, including after school, off your fingers, or simply grabbing a stick off the table when corn is served and biting off chunks.
    Sure, it’ll never replace Crisco or a nice thick layer of congealed bacon grease spread on a cracker, but to say it’s not a snack?

  6. Jarrod September 16, 2009 at 7:46 am #

    BTW, that urban assault ride costs $65 per person. i mean, shit, for that much i might as well renew my USAC license and start racing again for real! i’ll stick to the $5 alley cats.

  7. pedalman September 16, 2009 at 7:46 am #

    I have a sinking feeling I’m going to spend the next couple days singing the ‘bacon is good for me song’. Thanks Stevil.

  8. Wakeman September 16, 2009 at 9:21 am #

    Destraught about Swayze, I’m compelled to post. To some of us, it wasn’t comedy… Homey was for real. I just like you, man – You will truly be missed. Swayze, R.I.P.

  9. Sean Hurl September 16, 2009 at 9:38 am #

    There is no shame in good people helping good people make a buck! I just ordered my INGLIS shirt and RETRO TECH belt buckle not because I need either but because curtis is in fact GOOD PEOPLE. I don’t log on to ahtbm to go shopping but it doesn’t suck that a pop up reminded me that a guy who cut me some slack getting into his race also has some cool shit for sale. We all need to make a living and if making people laugh and perhaps cry every morning or four mornings a week provides a opportunity for you to eat than good for you. Don’t get me wrong i’m not calling you (stevil) good people. I wouldn’t want to offend you.
    I love the new site
    keep it coming

  10. Andy September 16, 2009 at 10:23 am #

    Awesome post. I look forward to things going downhill from here (in the same way I do when riding). Happy 39th.

  11. the republic of jamie September 16, 2009 at 11:15 am #

    ‘bacon is good for me’ has been stuck in my head all day…i love it. i love bacon. and especially love that kids philosophy on life.

  12. Leroy September 16, 2009 at 12:02 pm #

    Stevil–I have become a regular visitor to your site because it provides a good laugh and a different perspective. Thanks.

  13. Pontius Pilate September 16, 2009 at 1:02 pm #

    I keep running into that bacon kid. Well, running into video clips of him. Kid is blowin’ up.
    Long live Val Kilmer.
    -P.P.

  14. Loudass, Esq. September 16, 2009 at 1:14 pm #

    Don’t buy into that “we can’t make any money off the internet” bullshit. Like Kimbo says: “A nigga gotta eat!”

  15. Ghost Rider September 16, 2009 at 8:20 pm #

    If Nike comes a’callin’, here’s a test: tell them, “on your knees with your mouth in a circle” in an Austrian accent. If their PR flack goes for it, then yes — sell them some ad space.

  16. reed September 17, 2009 at 8:30 am #

    dirty harry said; “a man’s gotta know his limitations!” when does the collecting of underpants start?

  17. reed September 17, 2009 at 8:35 am #

    so just so i’m clear… spellcheck is just the Man trying to keep us down, right? i’m working on a proto-type “Spiel-cheque”!

  18. Johnny September 17, 2009 at 2:00 pm #

    RE: Image entitled “standingaroundinacircleonbikes.jpg”
    Seriously, if anyone knows the guy in the bottom right of this picture, email me his info. I will send him some fkn bar tape along with a note saying, “Hey, dude, here’s some bar tape. If I find out you didn’t tape those bars, Ima come down (or up…depending) there and make you watch me make out with your girlfriend. If the dude in that picture is gay, I’ll evaluate the hotness of his boyfriend. If the dude in the pic is a chic, I’ll give her a pass.
    xoxo,
    Johnny

  19. Stevil September 17, 2009 at 2:13 pm #

    Hey Anon,
    Guess what? I didn’t make up the name of the website either…