Power in numbers.

You know, as I was in the middle of my race on Sunday, I took a great deal of comfort in knowing that at that exact same moment, there were people ruining other people’s races all over the country.
masteras.jpg
Photo by Lindsey.


From Santa Cruz to New York, and from Boston to Austin, I received emails in large numbers expressing as much, and as alone as I sometimes feel when when engaging in a bicycle related athletic pursuit, knowing that there were others out there, just like me, clogging up the system and making other people miserable sheerly by existing, allowed me to suffer with a smile upon my face, though as it turns out, the only person’s race I ruined was my own.
cyclocross_1931.jpg
Obviously the above photo is not one of my race, but there were moments when I felt as though it could have been.
And not to beat a dead horse here, but I did get one email from a friend saying that, in fact they wished all of their worst days could be confined to time spent off the bike, but the fact of the matter was that there were some experiences they’d had while racing bikes “where i have died a thousand slow deaths and everyone around me has deserved to die along with me, and at those moments i have even imagined with some grim detail the nuances of their potential deaths as a coping tool just to make it through the epic mindfucking shit of those (epicly bad bike races.)”
I have, on occasion, turned myself inside out in the pursuit of athletic mediocrity, and whatever glimmer of success I might achieve because of that, but as I responded to him, and as much as I appreciate what he was saying, I simply am unable to relate.
You see, I know what it’s like to be tied down to a hospital bed with IV bags of Morphine and antibiotics being pumped into my body for 72 hours straight without a break.
When one bag was emptied, another was hung in its place.
I know what it’s like when for days on end, the taste of my own saliva is enough to send me into fits of vomiting so violent that I tear muscles.
I know what its like to be shaved, cut, poked, and prodded, with odd and horrifyingly shaped medical instruments going into and coming out of places in my body that they shouldn’t be.
I know what it’s like to be starved to the point where a small cup of chicken broth is so delicious that I’m brought to tears and I know what it’s like to have the people that I love look down at me in my hospital bed like it might be the last time they see me.
In comparison to any of that, the very worst day on a bike that I could even imagine doesn’t compare.
But as I concluded in the email, I suppose at the end of the day, it’s all relative.
Finally, in conclusion to all of this, I feel like I’m in a pretty fortunate position to be on the receiving end of correspondences from people like Tim, or Casey, one whom is recovering from a profound brain injury, and the other, from a major surgery on his hip. Both of the aforementioned individual’s contact serves as an additional reminder that as long as I am capable of riding a bike in whatever capacity I can, whether it’s a casual bar crawl, or a cross eyed, soul shitting, anaerobic beat down, that it’s better than not getting to do either at all.
When I’m not capable of keeping myself in check in regards to this, they take up the slack.
So there we go. I hope we all learned something these last few days.
Back on the business front, even though I’ve shaken the mail bag out pretty vigorously a few times the last couple of weeks, I still have a ton of stuff sitting in my inbox, so without further delay, here is some more of it.
Like the one from John, in which he wrote;
“In case you haven’t seen this.
DavidMahan-34.jpg
Really, if you just come here and skim through the posts from day to day, I have to stop you here and encourage you to go back and look through the series of photos in that link. It really is something to behold and a testament to the creative forces coursing their way around David Mahan’s brain.
It’s like a Transformer, but one that doesn’t make inappropriate overtures when you have company;

I apologize for the advertisement, but the video I think is pretty sweet.
I’m gonna transform right about now.
There is a fellow whose work I’ve been following for weeks- maybe even longer, who goes by the name Gypsy The Punk and even though I am a neglectful correspondent, he wrote me a delightful little piece about a recent experience during which he got the opportunity to sample a little taste of just deserts;
“Coming out of the grocery store this afternoon with a backpack full of beer, I was confronted by Mr. Hipster T. Douchebag. Mr. Douchebag was straddling his fixed gear bike, and was frowning disapprovingly at mine. As I fiddled with my bike lock, he asked, “You new to road riding?”
“Not exactly,” I said.
“Then why you running two brakes?”
I thought about explaining to Mr. Douchebag about how unlike his bike, mine was a training tool and not a fashion accessory. I then thought about trying to get across to him about how when I set the bike up I had been trying to mimic the position of my racing bike… but then I remembered that I was talking to Mr. Hipster T. Douchebag, and that I would just be wasting my time. So instead of going through all that I said, “I just like it that way.”
big_wheel_fixie.jpg
“Huh,” he said, “kinda weird,” and then, without so much as a “good-bye,” he took off like a bat out of hell back up the street toward my house. I followed at a much slower pace. About half way home, guess who I saw standing next to his bike in the middle of the bike lane? Yup, you guessed it. I slowed down and asked the obvious.
“Gotta flat?”
“Yeah,” he mumbled quietly.
“Gotta spare?”
“No,” he mumbled even more quietly than before.
“Gotta wrench?”
He didn’t even bother to answer.
Long story short, I ended up fixing his flat while my beer slowly got warm in my backpack. To add insult to injury, the fucker didn’t even thank me.
greg-hat.JPG.jpeg
So, next time you see Mr. Hipster T. Douchebag riding around on his flat pedaled, velocity rim spinning fixie, please do me a favor… Knock him over, take five bucks out of his wallet to pay for the tube I gave him, and most importantly, give him the bird as you walk away.
Punk rock is as punk rock does,
Gypsy the Punk”

I would like to note that occasionally, in an effort to include imagery with a written piece, I will scour the internet for sources that simply will ad a visual quality to it. The images I’ve included here are two that I picked after doing an exhaustive three minute search of ‘hipster fixed gear flat tire’, neither of which obviously have anything to do with the piece, but they stuck out, so I used them.
I also would like to note that the fellow with the rabbit appears to be the real-life version of this guy.
And finally I’ll just say that if I knocked ten people over a day who look like the individual The Gypsy described, I would be a very old man before I got to the right one. We’ll just chalk it up to The Gypsy’s karma getting a little boost, a random knucklehead getting a lesson, and said random knucklehead’s parent’s being publicly shamed for raising an inconsiderate doofus for a son.
I now would like to take the opportunity to display the latest of my wares;
All Hail the BM COMP.jpg
I am quite looking forward to these hat’s arrival as the lot of my existing collection smell absolutely rancid.
I would also like to include a disclaimer that I’ve posted on my Flickr page;
“Of course for the purists in the fold, I would like to say I can legitimately claim usage of the World Championship stripes due to the fact that I have competed in, worked for and passed out at World Championship events in both American and Canadian venues.”
So there you have it. Anybody has a problem with it, I suggest you take it up with the UCI.
These should drop in the coming weeks, and when they do, I will plead with anyone and everyone to please make a purchase.
As I put the finishing touches on this installment, my blood sugar is dropping like a bowling ball from an overpass, and I am beginning to feel the effects of huge physical effort combined with canned beer and bad vibes, so I’ll nip this one where it stands.
It’s totally Monday. You should be doing something other than this.
newlittleskull.jpg

Tweet about this on TwitterShare on FacebookShare on Google+Share on TumblrShare on RedditEmail this to someone

Leave a Reply

27 Responses to “Power in numbers.”

  1. Johnny October 12, 2009 at 5:51 am #

    In for a cap. Thanks for posting the grocery getter link.

  2. brado1 October 12, 2009 at 6:00 am #

    +1 on a cap need a new one. you got my addy

  3. Gorgeous October 12, 2009 at 6:21 am #

    That is a fine looking rabbit and at least the hipster didn’t take one of those beers

  4. Nick October 12, 2009 at 7:32 am #

    The hatagram is shaped like a cross….

  5. Troy B. October 12, 2009 at 8:15 am #

    So true in the introspective reflection. It was also good to seem Mr. Furry Knuckles yesterday out there smiling on a bike again.

  6. liquid astronaut October 12, 2009 at 8:17 am #

    to save money i’m going to print out this post and then cut out and assemble my own hat.

  7. Ron October 12, 2009 at 10:17 am #

    I too am in full support of taking out Mr. Hipster T. Douchebag wherever he may appear. Seems like he is popping up everywhere these days.
    In for a hat as well. Keep us posted.

  8. Lane October 12, 2009 at 10:21 am #

    +1 hat +1 shirt = that one guy at the concert. So Stevil, don’t have any concerts so I don’t have to be that guy…

  9. bearpi October 12, 2009 at 10:27 am #

    bald guy needs hat

  10. FunkyLaneO October 12, 2009 at 10:45 am #

    I already have one and it is Awesome!
    http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2494/4005695668_5b27dc6188.jpg

  11. HW Thrasher October 12, 2009 at 10:59 am #

    how much for a white cap? Celeste? Pink? Awesome. standing by…

  12. Stevil October 12, 2009 at 11:28 am #

    Geezus Funky,
    You work fast.
    Now all you gotta do is make 200 more and I’ll be set.
    Secondly, HW, I will have both colors available. Black and the opposite of white..
    Lastly, Lane. That one guy? I’m racking my brain. That one guy… Mmmm. Vaguely familiar..

  13. Duncan October 12, 2009 at 11:59 am #

    A traditional cycling cap on my enormo-dome would basically look like a yarmulke on a Gorilla, but I have to say “Get Radtarded” is the best slogan ever. Gonna put that on a T-shirt?

  14. BR October 12, 2009 at 3:33 pm #

    As they used to say in Glendale California in the 1960’s, that grocery getter is the bees knees!

  15. adam October 12, 2009 at 3:54 pm #

    LOVE the site. especially feeling this post. diagnosed with cancer six months ago, going through chemo and was riding my bike the best i could to maintain sanity. took a trip to crested butte to push up the incredibly long hills, to get the thrill of riding down, only to acquire a blood clot after returning home, now no bike riding, just chemo. i’ll get over it, but would love to feel a little pain on the bike.

  16. Loudass, Esq. October 12, 2009 at 5:23 pm #

    “World Champion” indeed. That’s not what the rainbow stripes [and mustache] are for…
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/snooker68/2596538323/

  17. zombykiller October 12, 2009 at 5:42 pm #

    “Ruining” is the glass is half empty mentality-Personally, I prefer the term “enhancing”…

  18. Rusty October 12, 2009 at 6:41 pm #

    If you zoom in on the first picture you can see a hilariously pissed off look on that dfl rider’s face.

  19. JGH October 12, 2009 at 10:11 pm #

    Thanks for summing it all up and still being the lovable asshole I fell in love with 15 years ago.. All Hail S.K.

  20. Alisa October 13, 2009 at 10:26 am #

    Mmmm….minced fish.

  21. uma October 13, 2009 at 12:38 pm #

    I thought pink is the opposite of white. Oh well, I guess I’ll take a black one. I thought I read something about a coozy too. Kuzie? How the hell do you spell that damn word? I want one, however it’s spelled.

  22. Jim October 13, 2009 at 4:34 pm #

    why help some hipster fucktard?

  23. -dan October 14, 2009 at 6:56 am #

    Not that the Gypsy did it wrong, but I woulda sat and drank a beer while the Hipster fixed his shit using my tools, telling him the whole time how cool it is to have tools, a tube and beer. Stupid is as stupid does, and stupidity should be painful.
    …and 1 cap please.

  24. Morgan October 15, 2009 at 11:08 am #

    Don Myrah and Stevil are both looking at the same thing: victory.

  25. grumpus October 16, 2009 at 9:16 am #

    The ‘too cool for spares’ flat tire hike is an important initiation ritual. As annoying as they are, it’s not fair to deny hipster douchebags that learning experience, so I never stop to fix their flats.
    “got a flat?” “yup” “got a spare?” “No” “I do. See ya.”

  26. Stevil October 17, 2009 at 2:48 pm #

    “GET OUT OF THE WAY! YOU’RE ENHANCING THE RACE FOR EVERYBODY!”
    I like it Z.K. It has a very distinguished ring to it.

  27. EssieGlenn31 June 15, 2011 at 7:30 am #

    Some time before, I did need to buy a good house for my organization but I didn’t earn enough cash and couldn’t purchase anything. Thank God my friend proposed to try to get the mortgage loans at banks. Hence, I acted so and used to be happy with my bank loan.