Bold new adventures of the Commonwealth.

Upon further reflection, I realized that Wednesday’s contest was kind of a gimmie. It was like ‘where’s Waldo?’ for blind people.
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Of course it could have been these two;
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I mean, Janeane Garofalo and a dressed down Omar Rodríguez-López from the Mars Volta is not something you see everyday, but alas, this was not the answer I was looking for.
Then there was this guy;
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Again, the opportunity to see Robert Downie Jr. researching an upcoming role in the streets of San Francisco is undeniably a rare treat, but likewise, wasn’t the focus of the photo.
So for those of you who picked this guy, right you were;
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This is none other than skateboarder extraordinaire, Mr. Scott Bourne;

The reason that this sighting was note worthy is because the last I heard of him he was in the process of moving to Paris to raise peacocks with his girlfriend, which is a perfectly natural transition after a lucrative career as a professional skateboarder.
So, commenter ‘stupidpuma’ should get in contact and lay an address on me so that I know where to send the box of crystal unicorn figurines.
In other news that has very little to do with Scott Bourne, crystal figurines, or peacocks, Dave sent this clip on that serves as a good reminder to steer clear of hungry llamas with hats;

There I was thinking that Llamas with hats were among the friendliest of God’s creatures.
And speaking of hats, I still have a whole array of beer hats, and both styles of body hats, plus the ever popular head hats, such as the one that’s depicted here, covering Joe Parkin’s nice hair;
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So get on the good foot and Pay Pal me some dough to stevil@allhailtheblackmarket.com so that I may then turn around and get the merchandise into your hands where it belongs.
I should also mention that these finances are currently a wee bit more necessary than usual. For those of you who have long subscribed to my previous blog home, you might remember the $6,000 saga of my little cat named Buddy:
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Well as I type he is in surgery (again) for, so far as I know, the exact same reason he was in last time.
Being the curious little scamp that he is, he seems to have gotten a foreign object stuck in his innards all over again, which is currently being removed. As I’m sure you can guess, the price for emergency surgery doesn’t go down each time it is performed. Between this and my current debacle involving my wrist, to say that I am financially running on fumes would be a profound understatement, so any and all orders for my AHTBM product would be very, very much appreciated.
Luckily, I had most of today’s post written before I got the news, cause I certainly don’t feel like typing anymore.
I am grateful to you for allowing me to cry on your shoulders.
In other happier news, Thursday evening found JMac and Tina B at my doorstep after J had dropped a truckload of Swobo stuff off. I should also note that even though I am no longer in the aforementioned company’s employ, the new stuff that I got a sneak peek at is some of the coolest product that I’ve seen roll off of their assembly line to date.
Lucky for you, here is a spy pic shot by the ever illusive Shinkler Forlornria of the new long sleeved woolie getting put through its paces;
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Swobo works hard to ensure that your jersey pockets don’t have to.
I should also request that you please not ask me when any of it will be available for purchase, because I don’t know.
All I know is that it’s really good, and we’re all going to want some of it.
And speaking of which, as I mentioned previously, I have had the very good fortune to do a bit of writing and re-writing for the nice people at Mission Workshop. For those of you who might not be in the know, the players behind this company are the folks who started and then manned the helm at Chrome these last fifteen years, so you know their new world order is going to be good.
Not only can you carry everything from watermelons to six packs of Red Stripe beer in these bags, but if you want to throw a pony in for 1500 of your closest friends, (excluding the guy in the Bill Cosby sweater ‘rocking the mike’) they can handle that too;

Being a self proclaimed card carrying bag whore, I look forward with great anticipation to not only procuring one of these beauts for my own self, but to actually be fully functioning atop a bicycle so that I can get out and about and give it what for.
Wearing a bag while I’m alone in the garage on the rollers just isn’t the same thing.
And I’m all too aware of the fact that hearing about my (mis)adventures while riding quickly to nowhere is the last thing that you want to hear about, so from this point forward I will keep it to a minimum, but in the daze of pedaling in place, I’ve developed games with myself to not only maintain the challenge, but to keep it interesting as well. The Chi-Town power house that is Newt has shared some training secrets with me- (By the way, despite the name, ‘Mind Fucks’ aren’t nearly as much fun as you might think.)
However beyond that, I have challenged myself to achieve my top speed. A few days ago I hit 59.9 miles an hour, and at this point am very interested to see if I can actually clock 60 without popping my rear wheel off and plowing through my garage door. If anyone has done such a thing, or would like to engage in a friendly competition with me, I’m game.
Obviously pure delirium is all that is filling my tanks these days, leaving me taking what I can get in terms of excitement via bicycle related athletic pursuits.
Though as usual, I digress.. To continue in news of bicycle specific products (I have to write about this sort of thing every now and again to maintain my Interbike ‘working media’ credibility), I got an email from Portland design Work’s DPow! in which he notified me of their newest product to ‘drop’;
“Hey Stevil,
We are happy to announce that we finally have the LOOOONG awaited coated version of the 3wrencho in stock.
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It is shipping to distributors and will be available from the site later today. Just thought you’d like to know.
dpow”

If you’ve read my ramblings for any length of time, then you are well aware of the fact that I am a big fan of 15mm wrenches, and I look forward to getting my mits on one of these, though any preliminary tests of just how effectively they spread peanut butter are as of yet unavailable.
In closing I’ll leave you with a snappy little graphic that was sent to me from Johnny, which has probably been taken verbatim from a number of people I’ve contacted concerning helping me keep my ship afloat;
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Truer words have never been scribbled.
I hope you all have the kind of weekends that are filled with Janeane Garofalo, and the avoidance of ugly sweaters.
And with that I am out.
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11 Responses to “Bold new adventures of the Commonwealth.”

  1. Jim January 8, 2010 at 6:40 am #

    I can’t believe they used stitches to sew up that cat. Given his history, I think it’s about time to install a zipper in his gut, or possibly some velcro. It’d definitely cut down on future surgery costs.

  2. Nick January 8, 2010 at 8:51 am #

    Poor cat. Similiar situation with a friend’s, his ate a sewing bobbin full of thread. Can you imagine the mess?

  3. dpow January 8, 2010 at 9:18 am #

    wait, you mean Omar Rodríguez-López from At The Drive In, right?

  4. Stevil January 8, 2010 at 9:29 am #

    You’re one of those purists, am I right d?

  5. Captain Badbeard January 8, 2010 at 10:57 am #

    Hey Stevil,
    I’lltake a t-shirt a cap and a beer wetsuit if you’ll ship it to Scotland.
    How much do you want for them?
    BadBeard

  6. jomama January 8, 2010 at 11:59 am #

    Stevil, any way to send funds without using payfail?

  7. Dave Evil January 8, 2010 at 2:37 pm #

    Save the kitties! I just sent you some scrilla. You can embrocate my legs at the Tour in return.

  8. Bluenoser January 8, 2010 at 3:14 pm #

    Hey Stevil,
    Just coming off of a bout of the bad word that starts with B that the banks don’t like, I’ll have to make a wish list of your stuff and send off the cash the same as we did with the art piece of the “beer hand up”. Which sits proudly framed courtesy of you in my place.
    I feel bad for you and your Pussy. My boy Gorsebrook, named after the lounge at a local university where he was found, developed pisser problems I know where you are coming from. I like Jim’s ideas as to vet bill cutbacks.
    I’m just coming off compaction testing of the pavement with my left shoulder at 30kph. I joined a group of… tri people… who else loves trainers, at an indoor facility.We use the corner of a running track while we workout. Nothing will help raise your interest in riding a bike on a trainer more than watching sweaty women running by you with their upper regions in various degrees of halter.
    But I’m sure we were just as much a diversion for them lap after lap after lap.
    There is two feet of snow on the ground here at the moment and I don’t need any more broken smashed shit before spring Stevil.
    -B

  9. One Eyed z January 8, 2010 at 6:34 pm #

    “Well I kill people and I eat hands. Thats, thats two things.”
    Now my answer if asked whats wrong with me.
    As you said before about my trainer riding… maybe we should start a team.

  10. louis January 9, 2010 at 8:56 pm #

    I’m not so into blog schwag, but I might very well buy a “cat surgery fund” t-shirt if the graphics were cool. You might even get Streetlight, etc to sell them if you made enough people believe it was a band name (for a band they weren’t quite cool enough to have heard).

  11. Tiny Hands January 10, 2010 at 10:20 pm #

    Stevil, did that Shinkler feller shit his pants or is that just a log in his back pocket? Hi-yooooh!!