NEWS FLASH!

As I stated on Wedesday’s pre-post post, Tuesday’s plate was full of bicycles, and bicycle related mayhem and I felt fortunate that nothing earth shattering happened that I would have missed reporting on in the interim, such as for example, Versus cutting their broadcast of stage three of the Tour Of California in order to get to some hockey commentary a mere three minutes before the end of the race.
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Really, versus (little v)? This is how you’re gonna do us?
As a younger man, finding any televised bicycle racing was not alot unlike trying to decipher cave paintings, but I would have thought that due to today’s domestic appreciation of speed cycles, at the very least the conclusion would have been covered.
As it was, with 10 minutes until the finish they went to commercial, and with three minutes to go, they just pulled the plug entirely.
So to the powers that were behind that monumental blunder, I offer you a healthy and hearty, “suck it”.
Regardless, I was on ‘the hill’, in the company of about 10,000 of my closest friends, catching the sights and the sounds of everything I’ve ever seen in the magazines and television;
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Finally, as the leaders came into view, I was able to catch a blurry shot of the top three, right before I fell into a Poison Oak bush;
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That’s David Zabriski, Michael Rogers, and Levi Leipheimer motoring past my drunken haze. And please note, when I say ‘motoring’, I’m not exaggerating or being complementary. At the top of this hill, which all by itself is an absolute beast to tackle, the leaders went by with such force that I barely had time to even think to pull my pants down and run along side of them, much less actually do it.
Anyway, as I’m sure you all know, it was a sprint to almost to the death for the top three, and when all was said and done, Zabriski nearly lost to Rogers as he pulled what will be forever knows as a Zabel;
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Photo courtesy AEG, via cyclelicio.us
I’m not entirely sure if at any point in the Chris Carmichael training regiment, it’s mentioned that keeping your hands on your bars until you are certain you have won is not a bad idea.
However, before we fell headlong into the road bike action, a small group of us spent a few hours in the dirt, but not before risking life and limb on the scariest rope swing I’ve ever been on;
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Nothing like starting your adrenaline rush with an adrenaline rush.
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I’d love to be able to say where this particular trail is, but I was brought there with a burlap sack over my head and now have absolutely no idea where I was.
It was sublime perfection and look forward to an eventual return.
After the dust had settled, I licked my wounds, and ate a hamburger while I stood around and gazed at the bells and whistles in Rick’s new shop;
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I bid my farewells and got my act together to take in the rock and roll show with Demonika and JMac. Of course the show in question was none other than Red Fang themselves;
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After the final note was played and drop of beer drank, we melted into the darkness to find soft pillows on which to rest our throbbing heads and ringing ears.
All in all, not too shabby a Tuesday.
So that’s it from this end. How about we dip into the mail bag?
From Funky Lane-O we get a heads up on a documentary that is assuredly set to feed the souls of folks like ourselves;

I have a bowl of popcorn at the ready. I love that man.
Chris sent in a birds eye view to let us know that aside from bikes, he obviously has grand taste in headwear as well;
“I think it accentuates that shiny green Yo Eddy between my legs rather nicely – don’t you?”
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Indeed I do Chris. Indeed I do. However, as much as I want my imprint to be splattered all over Heaven and earth, I don’t want that to come at the expense of your brain being splattered similarly, so you best put a bucket on your bean.
Danzig would want it that way.
In other news, as I’m sure you’ve heard by now, Floyd Landis admitted to looking like Steve Zahn;
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He also admitted to using the drugs, while simultaniously implicating several others at the same time.
What I find the most intriguing about this saga is that Steve Zahn co-starred with George Clooney in ‘Out of Sight’, George Clooney co-starred with Brad Pitt in ‘Oceans 11’, and Brad Pitt Co-starred with Kevin Bacon in ‘Sleepers’.
The six degrees of Kevin Bacon is even farther reaching than anyone could have guessed.
But back to the seriousness of the Landis case for a second, in this article, AEG’s Andrew Messick says that there are people in his camp who still believe that Landis was telling the truth previously?
What?
I thought the case there was closed, due more or less in part to the majority rule, rule. It’s at this point that I just stop caring. I stop caring to such a degree that I almost don’t have the energy to type these words. Regardless of the outcome, I will continue to sit in the corner and either smile apathetically, or smugly, depending on the outcome.
Anyhoo, while you’re recovering from the shock of a bunch of professional bike racers admitting to and getting fingered for doing drugs, in closing I offer you this one-two punch;

Awful. Just absolutely awful.
It seems as though the end of the week is almost upon us and with it, the promise of free time and a myriad of ways with which we can use it.
Ride bikes, drink beer, or do that other thing that helps in avoiding a bummer.
Just don’t trust Versus to cover it.
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19 Responses to “NEWS FLASH!”

  1. Adam Myerson May 20, 2010 at 9:40 am #

    Fuck bike racing. YOU SAW RED FANG!
    I will never forgive you, though, for posting that Battery cover. Scarred for life.

  2. Moneyfire May 20, 2010 at 10:09 am #

    Forget about Landis cheating, the use of performance enhancing drums by Van Canto has shook the a cappella community to its beat boxing core.

  3. Bbo May 20, 2010 at 10:11 am #

    When I was a kid a neighbor of mine built a rope swing like that, starting on a hillside and going out into space. We were watching him one day when he fell at the highest point. I swear, the dude hit the ground so hard he bounced.
    He wasn’t right to begin with, and was less right after that.

  4. db May 20, 2010 at 10:16 am #

    @Van Canto: YOU’RE RUINING THE SONG FOR THE REST OF US!

  5. Ray Walker May 20, 2010 at 10:22 am #

    All You Haters Suck My xJUDJUDx:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpiHjKyJrZc

  6. Thom P. May 20, 2010 at 10:56 am #

    I was watching my DVR’d coverage of the TOC on versus going: “3k to go? There’s no way they’re going to CUT OUT! Oh,you fuckers.”
    Then they tell you to go to the website for the finish and of course there’s a BIG FAT SPOILER right on the front page.
    I second your “suck it.”
    -t

  7. Innerlighter May 20, 2010 at 11:17 am #

    jugga jigga wug jigga jigga wug jigga wugga jug

  8. steve May 20, 2010 at 12:02 pm #

    that Steve Zhan bloke dunt alf luk like DrJon naked….. well beardless

  9. fomenter May 20, 2010 at 3:04 pm #

    i feel like i’ve just been chided by my mom.

  10. Skip Grateful May 20, 2010 at 6:10 pm #

    You have the best Tuesdays..

  11. Coby May 20, 2010 at 7:19 pm #

    Dude his hands are ON FIRE!!!!!

  12. dpow May 20, 2010 at 8:40 pm #

    Agreed, pretty epic tuesday.

  13. rottenmac May 21, 2010 at 12:54 am #

    Creeping. Rusty. Meat.
    That vocal-shit really sucked. More than the tour of Ca. coverage.

  14. Duncan May 21, 2010 at 8:52 am #

    What’s wrong with doing drugs and riding bicycles? I do that shit all the time.

  15. Andy Reimer May 21, 2010 at 12:07 pm #

    I like to finish what I start, but I have yet to find the strength to watch an entire Van Canto video. I’m beginning to think I never will.

  16. Bluenoser May 21, 2010 at 7:14 pm #

    Stevil,
    I love how people start things like it was scary when it lifts off ten feet off the ground. Take it to the top of an escape line of an oil rig derrick with nothing but a big steel post at the end… I love you people.
    As far as the L man goes. Hey they all come clean sooner or later. I think the only one that went out innocent was Nixon wasn’t he?
    Again you guys down there have the best of everything, us up here in the the Northeast just have to sniffle and ride roads and trails we won’t tell you about… then dine on lobster.
    -B

  17. Chaotic_life May 22, 2010 at 11:14 am #

    Dude- I have had a pretty shitty week. That Van Canto shit turned my frown upside down.

  18. Espertron May 23, 2010 at 12:34 am #

    Stevil your Tuesdays are better than most of my weekends. Keep living the dream dude.

  19. Hurben May 24, 2010 at 12:43 am #

    Conpared to all of the hip hop & rap shit that you normably see, that was Fucking Awesome!!
    Loved it.
    (“All you haters suck my balls”)