If God had wanted us to walk on our hands, she would have called them ‘feet’.

It’s kinda like the ‘New Zoo Review’.


But instead it’s the ‘New Shoe Review’.
Speaking of that drug inspired television show, until I was 13 or so, I thought all gazebos came with trap doors and big underground adventure spaces.
Anyway, you all might remember back in the fall time I was presented with a pair of some of Giro’s forthcoming mountain bike shoes called The Code;
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Now please understand that these were prototypes, and all of the final tweaks had yet to be made. That said, I christened these with a week long wünder trip to the wilds of Oregon, and never looked back.
Not to sound like a bragabout (I just made that word up, I think), but I tend to be extraordinarily hard on my garments. Pants, socks, belts, hats, shoes.. You name it. If it can be worn, I will destroy it. I have long been a proponent of Shimano’s line of cycling shoes for their fit, and their overwhelming durability. When I was first given the Codes, simply based on their appearance, I knew Shimano’s place in my heart was about to be challenged.
I have used and abused these shoes for five solid months before I returned them to the powers that be at Giro (in exchange for a brand new pair, mind you. It’s nice work if you can get it) and they absolutely stood up to everything I threw at them, which by and large left them looking none the worse for wear;
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Do you like the juxtaposition of the new shoe where the lighting is all warm and stuff, in comparison to the old shoe where it’s cold and bleak? I do.
I’d be lying if I said it was on purpose though.
The seams hung tough, the bonding was comparable to that of Shimano, Northwave, Diadora, or Sidi, which are other lines I’ve gotten the most experience with. In as far as these prototype versions go, the only thing that I ran into was wearing the material in the heel cup through. Upon returning the shoes to HQ, soft goods and footwear product manager Simon Fisher, and marketing impresario Mr. Blacksocks notified me that the issue had been recognized and addressed. After all, this what happens before product gets into the pubilc’s hands. Prototypes get the crap beaten out of them, notes are taken, changes are implemented, prototypes are made and so on until you get the perfect final product.
They then told me that my shoes both smelled of failure and raw sewage and to get the hell out of the office before security was called.
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(Simon and MBS pictured here with appropriate reactions to the arrival of deliciousness known as Giro’s famed ‘Taco Monday’)
And speaking of all things Giro, they have trimmed their new offices out something fierce, and as such I was inspired to do a future visit where I would document the inner workings of the brand as well as their subsidiaries, Bell, Blackburn, and Easton.
Keep your eyes peeled here. It’s really going to be something to behold.
Or possibly not.
Lastly, in the realm of footwear, I recently procured a pair of one of their road shoes known as the Trans, or for those on the inside, ‘The Tyson’;
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I have begin preliminary testing on these as well, though by my test’s conclusion, they will be available for widespread public consumption, after which loads of reviews will be written by people far more adept at that sort of thing than I am.
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So if you’re hungry for such fodder, you shouldn’t have to look very far.
Now that we have that out of the way, we will move on (no pun intended) to far more serious matters. It seems as though the GOP has lowered themselves yet again in an attempt at redefining what exactly constitutes rape;
“A far-reaching anti-choice bill, introduced by Republican Chris Smith and supported by 173 members of the House, includes a provision that could redefine rape and set women’s rights back by decades.
Right now, federal dollars can’t be used for abortion except in cases of rape, incest, or when the woman’s life is in danger. But the Smith bill would narrow that use to “cases of ‘forcible’ rape but not statutory or coerced rape.”

Please take a second and sign the petition.
I appreciate your time in doing so.
*Update* It appears as though the extremist whack jobs are gonna have to go back to the drawing board.
Going from shoe reviews to rape…
You can only see such a thing here.
I would just prefer the GOP define rape as something that they are willing to impart on the common citizen any chance they get. Either that, or ‘The Struggle Snuggle’.
You heard it here first.
Surprisingly I am actually able to segue this topic to the next, as Lanolin sent me a screen shot of my recently conceived speed cycle. Inspired by Joe’s colorful description of how I would appear whilst riding said speed cycle, I combined some of my photoshop mastery and the screen shot of the bike in question to make what Lanolin will assuredly want to use in his next series of magazine advertisements;
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And yes, I am well aware that my rear tire has a flat spot. Naturally it came from doing tons of hella sick skidzzz.
It’s with that that I re-remind you of this weekend’s big bash for FTW Tattoo’s ten year anniversary;
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Aside from my presence there, it’s where the beautiful people will meet and greet. There will be dancing, singing and good times, though most likely no gigantic dress wearing hippopotamuses or gazebos, but of that even I can’t be sure.
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8 Responses to “If God had wanted us to walk on our hands, she would have called them ‘feet’.”

  1. Josh RVA February 4, 2011 at 8:27 am #

    I believe this video accurately depicts the creation and public reception of AHTBM posts…
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtCxvv8Y3Bs

  2. Stevil February 4, 2011 at 8:59 am #

    Oh Josh.. You have made me so very, very proud. I am truly touched.

  3. leif February 5, 2011 at 5:16 am #

    I think that the Giro doods need to go balls deep and make the leather toe piece look like a cobra
    come on guys…balls

  4. shoe gazer February 5, 2011 at 11:20 am #

    What about the heel tread on the MTB shoe? I kind of like my Sidis except for the fact the heel tread in the back is super narrow, and not so good for running, which sometimes one must do.

  5. paul February 5, 2011 at 3:58 pm #

    “none the worse for wear;”? Are you kidding me? After only five months of tender loving abuse, the left and right became completely reversed.

  6. Rusty February 5, 2011 at 4:39 pm #

    Doug’s “helper” Amy Jo is super hot. Am I alone here?

  7. Stevil February 5, 2011 at 4:47 pm #

    I never stopped loving Amy Jo.

  8. mattya14 February 5, 2011 at 7:36 pm #

    It’s a sad day when legislating rape becomes a question of semantics…