A properly balanced diet,

is important for the brain as well as the body.


Here at the AHTBM bistro, I pride myself on serving up only the most nutritious fare with every dish containing all nine food groups.

As an initial drink order we will kick off with an email from Neil of Maximo Supremo residents, and makers of fine wool wear Cedar Cycling;

“Stevil,

I’m glad you are back in Oakland and enjoying the crack recently introduced into your life. Since you drink Budweiser, I know you care about high-quality American-made goods, and perhaps your readers to too.

So I’d like to introduce them to Cedar Cycling. We’re based in Oakland and make damn fine merino wool cycling gear, all cut and sewn right here in the East Bay.

Our short story is that Jeremy and I weren’t happy with the merino wool jerseys available, so we bumped our heads together, drank a lot of beer and asked a lot of questions about how to make technical apparel in the USA. After lots of product testing and prototyping, we finally had a jersey we were happy with – cut and sewn in the East Bay, made out of a high-tech merino wool blend with the best trim and components we could find. Its also vomit-resistant – a feature I’m sure you might find useful.

We’ve also got merino wool base layers and tee shirts. Made right here in the East Bay out of 100% ultra fine merino wool. They’re almost as soft as kittens, and they poop a lot less than the real ones.

So if your readers are interested in merino woolen goods made in California, they can look at our internet website, our facing book page, or our twittering webthing.”

It might be a point of interest to know that not only are the minds behind Cedar pretty sharp fashionistas who are generous with their wares, as I found when they presented me with one of my own which when posing with in nature looks like this;

-but they happen to be technologically savvy as well, and when they come to your house to take your computer apart look like this;

Anyway, if I.T. support or a damn snazzy, American made wool jersey is something that might strike your fancy, give the Cedar Cycling boys a call.

Then a course of appitzers can be found in this communication I recieved from a fellow named Tarik;

“Hey Stevil,

Would you be so kind as to add a blurb pointing your fine readership toTSBC(dot)com

You can even use the following graphic if you want:

The Tarik Saleh Bike Club,
Club rules:
1) Ride bikes
2) try not to be an ass

Pins and Decals available for club members. Barters accepted.
Heck, even you are in.

Hope you are well.
Later”

To paraphrase W.C. Fields, any group of organization who would have me as a member, I wouldn’t want anything to do with anyway.

As we take the final bite of the appetizers, the second drink order arrives in the form of the following correspondence from Seth;

“Dearest Stevil,
I know our communication has been infrequent (in fact we’ve only exchanged emails twice), but nonetheless I need to share something with you. Last night in a cloud of beer and sleep I dreamed the most amazing thing happened. The attached photo is my best rendering of the dream (I’m sorry it’s not porn, and I promise it is not a virus). I hope a clan of like minded pirates can make this dream a reality and potentially invite me to join the ensuing chaos;

In the dream the contestants had to first construct the wizard staff and then do battle. Thus making the spectacle better the drunker each contestant is and giving an upperhand to those with the best beer training.

Hope this finds you well.

Seth”

Emails like that do my heart right, mostly because it means that people like you, and me, and everybody all across this big blue marble are making plans for this coming June 23rd. For those who are unaware, June 23rd is the second annual W.S.A.T.U. celebration, which I’ve described as being like Christmas for drunks;

Since I’ve invented my own holiday, martyrdom can only lie just around the corner.

Now ordinarily the main course would be considered the crown jewell of any meal, but in this instance, it’s just another quality part of the overall experience. So with that said, let’s clear the table for this video from Jimmy James;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6Go-Zi_F18

After that, you no doubt have room for the desert and coffee which comes in the form of a plea.

A plea not from me, but certainly on my behalf. You see, as I mentioned on Friday, Andy from Fyxomastuff is throwing his annual Melburn Roobaix event, and for three (or so) years has asked me if I’d like to attend. Being that Australia is exactly a million miles away from my house, the answer has always been “very much I would like to, but…” at which time I turn my pockets inside out and shrug, for visual effect. (True, while maintaining a web log and selling stickers with bad words on them does afford me quite a luxurious lifestyle, traveling to anywhere further away than Geno’s sofa is a bit more than I can wrap my wallet around.)

In response to this, Andy asked if I thought it would be a good idea to begin passing a hat.

I didn’t think he was serious, but on Sunday morning I woke up to find that the hat had in fact started to get passed. (though it may or may not still be tucked safely in its box. That is to say I don’t know if this site is currently ready for prime time, but like the kids sometimes exclaim, ‘whateves’.)

Photo courtesy of Santa Cruz Bicycles.
I’m humbled and quite touched by this, though frankly I would be surprised if we were to meet less than the minimum bid. Even still, I genuinely appreciate Andy’s efforts in attempting to get me out for his event.

*Update* Due to some apparent consternation on the matter, I will again thank Andy for his assistance, but respectfully decline the offer.

To return to the original theme of today’s post, I can guarantee that should this actually come to pass, and I wake up one day in a strange and far away land the day after our Wizard Staffs Around The Universe celebration, there exists no antacid on the face of the planet that could quell the resulting heart burn.

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Leave a Reply

21 Responses to “A properly balanced diet,”

  1. One Eyed z May 7, 2012 at 5:55 am #

    Fantastic video. Thank you Jimmy James

  2. Christopher May 7, 2012 at 6:53 am #

    I have one of the Cedar Cycling shirts, and it’s awesome.

    I’ll likely be picking up a few more in the near future.

  3. yafro May 7, 2012 at 7:38 am #

    I think you’re mistaking w.c. Fields for Groucho Marx.

    • Stevil May 7, 2012 at 7:52 am #

      Fact checking is for assholes.

      • Matt Rayment May 7, 2012 at 10:18 am #

        No, you’re both wrong! it was Walt Whitman, the guy who wrote Moby Dick……

      • paul May 7, 2012 at 7:37 pm #

        I did some checking, and fact checking is, in fact, for douchebags.

        • paul May 7, 2012 at 7:37 pm #

          Sorry, I’m such an asshole.

  4. jimbo May 7, 2012 at 7:58 am #

    I think Neil has been sniffing a bit too much kitten wool as he has forgotten that Budweiser is no longer an “American” product.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anheuser-Busch_InBev

  5. Karl Hungus May 7, 2012 at 8:11 am #

    One question about those wool jerseys…are they made in the East Bay?

    • Stevil May 7, 2012 at 10:10 am #

      Yesssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Karl Hungus May 7, 2012 at 2:44 pm #

        Thanks for the response. He wasn’t very clear on that.

        One additional question about the East Bay made jerseys… Is that “cool” East Bay like they’re sewn by some hot tattooed chicks in Temescal or just “boring” East Bay where they’re made by some 50 year old Indian Moms in Fremont?

  6. Case May 7, 2012 at 8:27 am #

    Wool wife beaters. Custom order? That is all.

    • Jeremy May 7, 2012 at 1:52 pm #

      Find us 300 people who want a wool wife beater, and we will make you one. Or 100 people who want 3 each. Or one person who wants 300.

  7. Benjamin Bunny May 7, 2012 at 1:30 pm #

    Jimmy James…Jimmy James, oh yeah! Is this the same Jimmy James that calls himself “Road Thunder” and slings Konas?

    How far the mighty have fallen.

  8. Loudass, Esq. May 7, 2012 at 2:43 pm #

    There’s a easy way you can earn $2,200 in a short period of time, but it would involve Craigslist and looking like Michelle Bachmann at a county fair.

  9. Largo May 7, 2012 at 4:25 pm #

    First Cucumbers, now Kiolbassa…………

  10. Nived May 7, 2012 at 5:49 pm #

    Kickstarter,,, now just need an idea,,, hummm

  11. vaeringjar May 7, 2012 at 7:57 pm #

    There’s something I like about the female Ron Paul!

    • vaeringjar May 7, 2012 at 8:01 pm #

      And, of course, I’m not talking about the tyranny of light bulb legislation.

  12. El Gato Fritz May 8, 2012 at 11:43 am #

    Note how, like a Great White Shark, Michelle Bachmann’s eyes roll back into her head as she bites into her victim…….

    • Harold Holdren May 10, 2012 at 3:52 pm #

      Yes, she does…