One thing I am absolutely positive of is that a couple of months ago, Maximo Supremo residents Surly Bikecycles made the contact in order to ask if I would enjoy spending time atop one of their circus freak Krampuses (Krampi?). I said “sure. I like bikes“, to which they replied “might you have the parts with which to build it up?” At that stage in the game I looked in my big plastic bin of extra bits and pieces, and saw nothing but Rock Shox suspension posts and Caramba Double Barrel cranks.
“Pretty sure I don’t, nor do I want to strip my bike to poach parts or have money to buy a kit for this project” I emailed back.
Things were looking grim.
Some time passed and eventually I got a note that said “if we send you a complete would you ride it and say nice things?”
I don’t recall exactly what I said in response but it was along the lines of that I’d ride it, but I couldn’t promise nice things to be said.
After all, when this bike was unleashed on the world, I didn’t quite know what to make of it. I would understand its practicality if one lived in a zone of dried creek beds, desert sands, and/or expansive horizons begging for untethered two wheeled adventure, which I do not. I am now, as I always have been, a boy of the forest, and its bountiful ribbons of smooth and seemingly endless singletrack. In my immediate area, expansive horizons (not being watched carefully by The Man) are a rarity indeed, and desert sands don’t exist for hundreds of miles in any direction. That sweet, twisty singletrack however, I have covered.
In time I ended up taking possession of the beast, (in a ‘permanent loan’ type of capacity) and assembled it with the care and attention of the second rate bicycle mechanic I always have been. Making a tweak of a brake rotor here, and doubling up the grease in the headset there, I finally arrived with what is the finished product;
In my many years of owning bikecycles, and even given my friendship with the dirts who started the company, as well as those currently in its employ, I’ve never owned a Surly before, so it stands to reason that after all is said and done, I should be in possession of one, that if were a person, would be a professional wrestler casting a suspicious eye towards my particular brand of whimsy.
As I was riding it, one passage came to mind tipping a hat to your standard run of the mill mountain bike review that went something like this-
“The Surly Krampus handles like it was on rails… If said rails were made of cheese brauts and Black Label.“
This is not your mother’s nimble race whip, nor is it your father’s fat bike. Strangely, it’s something in between. Kinda like a vegi burger with bacon, and riding it was something of a brand new experience. Items to note, the bars are about twenty five feet wider than any bar on any bicycle I’ve ever touched, let alone ridden. Why, they’re so wide that when I took an obligatory shop of my beloved Ergon Oakley 3s, the opposite grip is beyond my camera’s depth of focus;
I mean, I guess if that’s such a thing. My high school photography classes were a long time ago.
Doing powerslides through the doorway in my basement will certainly prove to be problematic as well;
Anyway, and naturally, of the many things what makes the Krampus unique, it’s the big, big tires;
I would also like to mention that typing that last sentence sent me into at least a five minute trance thinking about the old Honeycomb theme song;
The upshot at this point is that it really is a ridiculously fun bike to ride. If I had some money to burn, would I willingly go out of my way to buy one? The jury is still out on that, as I’m still in my courting period with it, but things are looking a lot like probably.
We will continue to get to know one another and see how things play out in the coming months.
We might get married, or we might break up for irreconcilable differences. Like, that I’m not enough man for it. Rest assured, all of our ups and downs will be documented here.
We need to hit some minimums by Monday (the deadline for pre-ordering). Could you post the link to your facebook, or stick it in your gob? I mean, blog.“
Yes I can, and I would be happy to. If you’d like to check the kits, and you didn’t click on the above link, please go here.
“But Stevil and Katy, how do I know what I’m going to look like in said brand new and utterly badass Pegasus kit?” you might be asking…
So there you have it. You know what to do.
Being that I enjoy some form of correspondence or another with such requests, I opted to write an email to myself for him;
Thank you for always (with the exception of that one time) posting the flyers we send you for our events in such a timely fashion. I know that you don’t have to do it and we very much appreciate that you take the time to help out where you can.
Anyway, we’re hosting another event at the Handsome store in downtown Minneapolis this evening, and it would mean a great deal to us if you could help spread the word;
Thank you very much, you are very good looking, and when we make our first million dollars, half of it will be yours.
That Ben is truly a stand up fellow… So if you are going to be in Minneapolis tonight, and are itching for some high fives, the Handsome shop is clearly the place to be.
And speaking of which, but not really, but kinda- there are just a few months until the Interbike Trade Show and Circle Jerk® happens once again in Las Vegas, Nevada and as always, exciting developments are developing.
Besides the fact that my disco ball pants that I ordered for the occasion just arrived, inspired by the jagoff who last year not only called me sexist and reported me to both the Bicycle Retailer as well as The League of American Bicyclists for posting this flyer, I started a brand new campaign;
I can tell you two things about this year’s festivities. The first being that is that it won’t be happening at The Double Down again. Unofficially the very first Underbike party occurred there in 1999;
That was fourteen years ago, and it’s only gone downhill since. Of course back then it was just called ‘The Blue Collar Party’, because it was the three of us involved in Blue Collar Bikes at the time who hosted it, but the point was the same. Then things went south.
Remember five years later when Oakley had their red velvet rope affair there?
The place is dead to me.
Sure, we had a good time last year but even with ample warning, when the bar ran out of beer, I knew it was time to erect my proverbial mast and set sail for new and exciting locations.
As always, the answers may or may not be found in Google.