Here comes the corn.™

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It’s with apologies to Soulcraft Bikecycles Company that I use the name of their news letter as the title of today’s post. Then again, if they want to sue me for everything I have because of this slight, I’m more than happy to give it to them;
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Now then… As a world famous profhessianal bike blogger douchebag (same diff) I spend my existence writing about things of which I don’t really have any knowledge. Coupled with this, it’s my directive to complete comprehensive product reviews for goods I have the least amount of experience with. True, those fancy slick magazines do it all the time, but they have advertisers to please, and publishing schedules to adhere to.

I’m my own boss, and will do what I please, write what I want, shovel bullshit as I choose, and you dear readership, must believe my words, because they are here in black and white.

Because I’m a bike blogger douchebag (same dif).

Besides making believe that I know what I’m talking about, I get heaps of free stuff sent to me all of the time from companies all over the world, vying for my affections. As a matter of fact, I suppose the two facts go hand in hand with one another. I spew nonsense, people inexplicably believe me, and companies send me stuff to review and the whole cycle starts anew.

It’s a pretty sweet balance, and certainly one that I don’t want to upset, so it’s with that, that I pull out my shovel and get to work.

The first item on the block is the Knog blinder ARC (5.5), which I guess based on its name is part of their Blinder series. Naturally, I can’t find a link to the actual light, so we’ll just have to trust that it is such a thing, and they didn’t send me the only one they made;
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It’s a light which comes with many handy features, such as a handle bar clip, an on/off switch, and a whole assortment of accessories;
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(Including that little smoky grey plastic thing in the upper left hand corner which I think provides you with the opportunity to strap the light to your helmet, if you so choose.)

Being one of them battery free lights, it even comes with a little USB tab, so you can plug it into your computer and upload pornography onto it.

The Knog Blinder ARC (5.5) has four light settings- Blinky (which activates my epilepsy),
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bright;
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brighter;
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and real goddamned bright;
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Well, five settings if you include ‘off’ as one.

How many lumens is it you ask? Probably a bunch, but not like, a thousand or anything. As a supplemental helmet lamp for night mountain bikecycling I think it would work perfectly, naturally as it would for a bar bike/grocery getter/commuter. Plus, that one time you left it on your handlebars for a minute while you ran inside to get a bag of black beans for tomorrow night’s stew, the sticky fingered derelict would be stoked.

As a test to prove just how bright it is, it was over a minute ago when I stared directly into the light in all five settings and I can still barely see the keyboard through all of the hazy translucent blue splotches floating around in front of me.

The MSRP is probably some dollar figure or another, but as I said, I don’t know what it is. As I said, Knog very kindly flowed me tis one because my opinions for such things are highly valuable, and they will pay for the light at last a dozen times over;
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Another company who sent me a huge pile of expensive yet free stuff was Giro and their New Road collection.

I received a wool base layer, (which in my opinion are the burrito or blow jobs of bike clothing. A bad one is impossible to find);
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some shorts;
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a jersey;
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some of those bibs with a fly in them so you don’t have to lower your front or lift up the leg, but rather can shoot straight out the hole;
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-(Which is going to be real damned handy now that I have for the first time in sixteen years replaced my team colors);
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and finally, an orange vest that is sweet because it makes me think of Marty McFly;
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I also received one of these;
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which I seem to have temporarily misplaced in the abyss of one of my two drawers of clothing.

Truthfully, 3/4 sleeves inspire the same kind of discontentment as when my socks fall down inside of my boots, so there was no love lost between us.

At some point I also received one of their long sleeved woolies and 40 m Tech Overshorts but they were both in sizes that might only fit a fifteen year old me, so back into the box they went, and eventually I’ll get around to sending them back.

All their shiz is made down the street from my house, which is cool, and as wary as I am about various companies’ attempts to hit the ‘casual bike clothing market’ (Ben Davis cut-offs and t-shirts have worked pretty well for me, lo these many years), Giro’s low profile designs and quality detailing might certainly speak to someone who has the cash to throw down.

Anyway, what of the New Road line I have in my possession has been marginally thoroughly tested, (in the month that I’ve had most of it) none of which has fallen apart yet.

I quite like all of the product and appreciate both Knog and Giro’s consideration. I will continue to use/abuse it (until it gets stolen and/or I misplace it) with gratitude.

In other news, I get lots and lots and lots of emails requesting I post various bits of fodder so that the hundreds of thousands of people who flock to this site can behold the majesty of whatever video or flyer or photo or whatever the person in question is sending me.

Ordinarily I just ignore it, but in the following cases, I obliged.

There has been much talk regarding a project Swobo and The Bicycle Times have cooking called Movers and Makers, shining a spotlight on various folks both within and without the industry, and what makes them tick.

The first features all around nice guy and simi-recent PDX transplant, Chris Igleheart;

A tentative list has been compiled for future production possibilities, so keep yer eyes peeled for more of these.

Then Matt sent out a smoke signal regarding a freakout he’s got scheduled in just a week’s time;

Hey Stevil-

Matt from Burlington, VT here.

We are hard at work to get Goldsprints going here in the BTV again and are about to hit it full force with the first night in our series next week. I’d sure love a little exposure from you! Racing’s free and we have prizes and big cheap cans of beer for anybody who wants to hop on and give it a go;
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I’m worse with a computer than most people are with scissors and a photocopier, but here’s the event poster as I have it now, as well as a sheet for the sticker/shirt logos we’ll be looking to get in the works shortly.

Thanks and keep doing what you do.

Matt

As I said a little bit ago, I’m happy to spread the love except for when I’m not. If you happen to be one of the fortunate residents of Burlington, thank you for your delicious syrup, and mark your calendars.

Finally Jeff from Bike Jerks as well as All City got in touch regarding a thing which is set to go down in Philly tonight;

Stevil,
Bicycle Revolutions and AC are making sure this Philly thing gets done dirty, free, and dangerous;
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Please post up the flyer and spread the word, it’s short notice, but how much time does one really need to decide to have fun on their bike and drink some beers with brothers and sisters in arms.

Cheers,
Jeff

There is certainly going to be some dirtbagging going down in Illiladelphia this weekend, none of which I will be present for for a number of reasons, not the least of which is because I have a shit ton of corn to clean up.
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8 Responses to “Here comes the corn.™”

  1. Loudass, Esq. December 6, 2013 at 9:52 am #

    Giro’s XXL short is a 38. Apparently they use Bangladeshis for both the manufacturing and sizing of clothing…

    • Largo December 6, 2013 at 4:55 pm #

      …….or pretty much anyone else besides North Americans.

  2. Double D All-Time December 6, 2013 at 10:37 am #

    Hello wooooooool.

  3. gelmski December 6, 2013 at 11:14 am #

    Elvis’s famous last words, “corn”

  4. bikenerd December 6, 2013 at 4:06 pm #

    You can send those 40M shorts my way. 49 year old me is probably the same diameter as 15 year old you.

  5. blacksocks December 6, 2013 at 6:36 pm #

    @Loudass, Esq – Honestly, the line will expand in time (no pun intended there…) as we get the resources and feedback needed to build it out. It’s still something of a start-up so we’re focused on the most common sizes that dealers sell. That said, unmet demand and comments from the core are forces that will keep it moving in the right direction… so keep the comments flowing.
    -e

    • Stevil December 7, 2013 at 7:23 am #

      Or he could just drop 200 pounds and pack into the 38s.

  6. pedro December 10, 2013 at 4:46 pm #

    corniest post in quite a while. Prefer corn with a P