The end might be the new beginning.

Zombies

Like anyone with a heartbeat, and probably a bunch without, I’m a great fan of the zombie apocalypse genre.

‘Sean Of The Dead’, ‘World War Z’, ‘The Walking Dead’, ‘The Road’ (kinda, but not really, but kinda), etc. have all filled me, and anyone who watches them I suspect, with visions of taking every frustration you’ve ever had out on a more lumbering and blood thirsty population.

My favorite of course is Zombieland, the preview for which actually had me standing on my feet applauding;

Anyhow, after watching a ridiculous number of Walking Dead episodes over the holiday weekend, I couldn’t help but notice that not once- Not a single time, did I ever see anyone, anywhere riding a bicycle.

And that actually goes for any of the aforementioned end-times sagas. Is this a commentary about how useless society at large sees bicycles as far as their use as a practical utilitarian device goes?

A bike itself only serves as a visual cue when selling sport utility vehicles, or as it was in ‘The 40 Year Old Virgin’, helps further illustrate someone who is incapable of intimacy and generally socially inept.

I can almost hear the pre-production meeting… “You know what would really drive the point home about this guy being a virgin? That he also rides a bicycle.

But back to the apocalypse for a second. I find it humorous that even at the end of the world, people are still reliant on cars. Were all the cyclists eaten first because we generally take pretty good care of ourselves and therefore are extra delicious?

I mean, except for this guy;
The-Zombies-shaun-of-the-dead-1355838-1500-987-1 copy
Or did we all band together and take over a number of Costcos, water parks, breweries, and mattress factories, and we all just hang out partying as we watch the rest of society tear itself apart?

I opt for the latter.

In news that’s even more irritating than a bikeless zombie apocalypse, it seems as though Mike went and got his brand new Blue Collar one speed pinched up there in Seattle;
mikesstolenbc
I don’t know many of the details aside that it was stolen along with his car from a ‘secure’ lot at the port, but the upshot is, if you live in Seattle and see somebody with the bike in question who is not this guy;
mikeonhisbike
-throw a lock on it, cut the tires, call the cops, whatever it takes to get the bike back.

You know… Within reason. I know the battle cry is to kill bike thieves, but I wouldn’t encourage anyone to actually take a life. And secondly, I trust your judgement when attempting to get the bike back. I am uncomfortable with the idea of encouraging anyone to risk their own wellbeing in the process of retrieval as well.

If I had lawyers, they would want me to say that.

If by chance it should be recovered, (or I should say ‘when’), contact either Benjamin at Back Alley Bikes, or Niki at Mobius. They both know how to contact me, and I know how to contact Mike.

On behalf of Mike who lost the bike, Robert who built the bike, and me who complained incessantly to Robert about Mike getting a bike before I did, I thank you for your time and consideration on this matter.

It is now that I’ll put up a video shot and narrated by Rahsaan Bahati and tipped to me by former East Bay cycling star to the stars, Willard Ford;

I posted this over at the AHTBM Facebook page earlier in the week, but it’s too good not to give it some additional traction here.

I think the proper description of this video is ‘pantscraptastic‘, and gives the viewer an up close and personal perspective of what kind of nerves it takes to sit in with the honches, and also what it looks like to repeatedly almost die.

Moving onto considerably less butt-puckering topics, this coming weekend, I will be descending upon Minneapolis for the newest Swobo Folsom Fist Fight;
MPLS FFF POSTER
Among other things, what this means is that I will be unavailable to write a post for Friday. Second to that, the post I eventually do write will be such a thing of beauty, you’ll have to sufficiency hydrate in order to have your tear reservoirs completely topped off.

I guarantee blood, and smiles, and skids, and blood, and laughter, and beer, and derbying, and blood, and funny hats, and young lovers, and broken bike parts and blood, and some marginally decent photographs of all of it.

If you have an interest, stick your head into One On One on Saturday. You know… If you have a thing for skids, or blood, or laughter, or beer, or blood.

One thing there will assuredly be an abundance of, or not, are people taking selfies.

Personally, I don’t like selfies. In fact, the only thing I hate as much as selfies is the image of my own face.

So it was with a small sense of smug satisfaction when I read this piece, and this piece about a bunch of dopes taking photos of themselves while almost getting creamed by the peloton at this year’s Tour Day France;
derp
Do I have a problem with people getting alluring photos of themselves on the side of the road?
danger
No. As long as they’re not getting in the way of the people who are doing the racing of the bikecycles, I absolutely don’t.

But this?
duh
Clearly, if it’s brains the zombies be after, these folks have nothing to worry about.
newlittleskull

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Leave a Reply

24 Responses to “The end might be the new beginning.”

  1. Largo July 9, 2014 at 5:36 am #

    Selfies at the TDF; almost as dumb as selfies with zombies.

  2. Erin Upchurch July 9, 2014 at 7:13 am #

    In your debt and grateful to be so.

    • Stevil July 9, 2014 at 10:30 am #

      It really is my pleasure Erin. We have some of the best and the brightest on the case. I’m holding out hope that we will prevail.

  3. Ben July 9, 2014 at 7:35 am #

    Seeing as how I’ll be holding down the fort in the Fort this time, I expect that you and Geno will methodically and repeatedly knock everyone on their ass. Perhaps with the exception of 2n Jenn. Usually she’s the one doing the ass kickin’.

    And if needed, please touch up the finish line.

  4. Crank July 9, 2014 at 7:39 am #

    The zombies are already here. Try cutting through a college campus that while being car free, allows our best and brightest to blithely step off the curb while staring at their oblivion device. Friends passing friends, no conversations or points of exchange of the most rudimentary form. Autism at it’s best. That’s when I like to put the hammer down, get the cadence mad high, and run human slalom.

  5. davidio July 9, 2014 at 8:33 am #

    A number of years ago I had a customer come in looking for what he described as a “zombie apocalypse” bike. I took me about three minutes of talking with him about bikes to realize that this guy was 100% genuinely convinced that he would be using this bike to escape the city and survive in the woods when the urban zombie uprising happened. This was before fat bikes were around, but I’m guessing he would have been all over a Pugsley if we had one.

    After he left I felt bad about my sales skills because he didn’t buy a bike (I mean, I gotta be smarter than THAT guy), but then I realized that if he had bought a bike from us, he would have easily made the top three list of most annoying, most frequent, customers, and I would have been his go-to-guy.

  6. Benzo July 9, 2014 at 8:41 am #

    Actually, in the walking dead, Rick rides a bike briefly after he escapes the hospital in the first episode.

    Here’s a meme, showing rick taking a ride… http://weknowmemes.com/2012/07/no-my-bike/

    Surprises me they don’t have more, especially for scouting close to their camps.

    • Ben Smith July 11, 2014 at 4:58 am #

      Crap. I should have read all the comments before replying.

  7. warthog July 9, 2014 at 8:49 am #

    There is/was a tv show called Revolution wherein some weird science thing causes everything electrical to not work. Of course this renders everything with a motor inoperable because, you know, spark plugs and what not. What better form of transportation could their be in a world without power than a bicycle? I had to quit watching it because I got tired of yelling, “Oh for shits sake, will you just get a bike already” at the tv. The only apocalyptical type of film in which I’ve ever seen anyone use a bike is the tv mini-series of The Stand.

    • Stevil July 9, 2014 at 9:20 am #

      Captain Dave mentioned your point about ‘The Stand’ to me via text earlier today. I read the book, mostly because they mention my hometown, but never watched the made for TV version because Rob Lowe.

  8. somedudeinFLA July 9, 2014 at 1:47 pm #

    I coulda swore World War Z had that scene where they all ride bikes in the pouring rain to get back to the plane… But i get your point. Something with 40mm tires outfitted with dick brakes, fenders, internal gearing, touring racks, and maybe a Rohloff hub, all on a lugged steel frame, to me, would be ideal… mobile, fast, quiet, yep im sold.

  9. scooper July 9, 2014 at 5:03 pm #

    We will get that bike back! If you fuck around Don’t Fuck with Blue Collar! Don’t fuck with the #1 Zombiekiller (Robt Ives)……we are everywhere!

  10. dpow July 10, 2014 at 12:54 am #

    In Danny Boyle’s 28 Days Later, the protagonist Will wakes up from a coma alone in the hospital to open the film. He is in a coma because he was a bike messenger who was hit by a car before the outbreak.

    • dpow July 10, 2014 at 12:57 am #

      Sorry, not Will my mistake, the protagonist is Jim.

      • Stevil July 10, 2014 at 5:43 am #

        I recall, and though it was a great film, I have no memory of him ever using a bike after the outbreak.

        • RLoo July 14, 2014 at 12:02 am #

          Every time I watch 28DaysLater, I cringe at the many lost opportunities to ride/escape/fight zombies on/with a bike. It’s a pretty big plot hole considering Jim’s back story.

  11. Ben Smith July 11, 2014 at 4:41 am #

    Episode one/Issue one of the Walking Dead has a bike in it, but none after that.

    http://punkrockbikeclub.com/2011/01/the-horror/

  12. Ben Green July 11, 2014 at 11:48 am #

    I will refrain from any “great minds” bullshit, but I have had the same thought, repeatedly, for years. The Walking Dead got it almost right. Crossbow, sword and sweet aluminium cross-country rig. All set to rumble.

  13. Omri July 11, 2014 at 11:57 am #

    Wheels!!! I love that in Shaun of the Dead, they managed to sneak in Wheels as a Zombie – he was the recurring bike messenger character in the team’s English TV series “Spaced” and was as realistic a portrayal as I’ve ever seen in fiction.

  14. Paul de Valera July 12, 2014 at 9:21 am #

    I don’t get this love affair with end of the world scenarios. I see that it will “reset” things so all of us the “have nots” will have a change to get something when the perception is that everything has already been taken. However, it you can’t make it in this world and strive and thrive, what makes one think one will persevere in a zombie wasteland (the SFV, or Oakland). Not too get serious here ( I mean this is AHTBM after all), but don’t you think there is a deeper social context here that Americans have the feeling that they can no longer attain the hallmarks of success that their parents or grand parents once did?

    By the way, the Zombie survival guide by Max Brooks says a bicycle is the ideal form of transport in the Zombie wasteland.

  15. daque July 16, 2014 at 5:02 am #

    I too have wondered about the absence of bikes after the zombie apocalypse. (To be fair, the zombies in the Walking Dead often move in swarms, so a bike wouldn’t be the best mode of transportation under those circumstances.) I believe the popularity of bikes among the still living would increase, if zombies continue to decompose (which is the source of another controversy). If zombies keep decomposing, and enough time has passed for all those Hyundais in the Walking Dead to start breaking down, a good bike would be ideal. Low maintenance, relatively easy to source parts, and fast. You would probably want to avoid mountain biking, though–the woods are too dangerous.