Assume the position.

the isolator

People think I just breeze in here day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year and simply poop these posts out without so much as a thought.

Well no sirs, and ma’ams. These things take commitment, but more importantly, isolation;
Science-and-Invention-MagazineGernsback1920-304
Where is the future that was promised us?

In news of things I don’t know anything about aside from pictures I’ve seen on the internet, it seems as though Cars-R-Coffins now has branded gloves;
crcgloves
Things I do know about them is that they’re made by Giro, are black with blue with white accents, are depicted above, and unless you have six fingers per hand, are probably very good for gardening.

Hey, so here is some pretty big news, which I’ll most likely totally up end jinxing by mentioning anything about this early.

You know how every fall out there in Las Vegas, there occurs the convention of most of the bicycle industry called Interbike?

Well, then you know how every year there occurs staggeringly boring industry parties, some of which are accessible by the common schlub, but most of which are not, but those that are, are terrible?

It was six years ago, (technically seventeen if you count the first one in 1997), when I decided to make a party that was fun and that was available to everybody regardless of if they were a muckety-muck CEO, a shop rat, anyone between, or even not involved in the industry at all.

Over the years the party has grown in size and visibility, attracting dirtbags and luminaries alike, and with each installment, I want to up the ante and make it even better than before.

This past week saw the ink dry on what I’ve got planned for 2015 and if I do say so, it’s gonna be a pants-splitter;
ub7
I’ll drop periodical hints as to who I have scheduled to preform. For now, the first hint is that they are awesome. The second, and more specific hint is that the vocalist of said band is very tall. Stay tuned in and eventually you can put it together.

The first three years when we posted up at The Peppermill, as well as the first year we moved the year to The Double Down, we wore wigs as an homage to SOPWAMTOS (who are very good at Making Their Own Shit, but clearly don’t maintain their own website). The following year, the theme was to not cut our hair for the nine months leading up to it, which only a few of us committed to. Then last year was a red and black theme, in tribute to the colors of the Anarchistic flag.

This year however, I’m stymied. Though it’s close to last year’s theme, I’m kinda leaning towards a white and black theme, because it’s a little like prom;
white and black
A little like Clockwork Orange;
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A little like specific scenes from ‘The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover‘;
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The powder room scenes specifically. Not the cannibalism ones, which didn’t relate to white and black at all.

A little like boy bands, (but with a smidge more black)
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and a little like cocaine and heroin;
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Why, as a matter of fact, I think white and black seems like a perfect theme.

The topic of both white and black make for an easy transition into this next bit from Case;

Hey Stevil-

I’d like to thank you in advance for allowing me to use your soap box for mine own selfish ends. A little over a year ago I sent you a kit, it was pretty silly, but I liked it. I half ass offered it up to anyone (really, I offered up no ass at all, you put your half in without fail or complaint, and I thank you for that too), and low and behold, people actually PayPal’d me money, out of the blue, with the blind expectation that I’d actually do what I said I’d do. This is almost certainly attributed to my connection with you, and that I am legitimate because you say I am.

I think that says something about how your readership views you, and what you do. So there’s my take on that FaceSpace question you asked a while back concerning collabos and whatnot.

I digress!

After a bunch of questiony emails and even some face to face questiony type peoples, I have released the Steve Young has a Posse V.2 kit. It’s pretty much like the original with one major, and a couple minor changes. The co-opted BYU logo has been replaced by the Angel Moroni, heralding the coming of our fair compatriots. He’s a pretty big deal to Mormons, so I figured to give him his due. He also creates a nice open space for number placement, if you only place on the left, as I’m like to do because I only race cross here in Oregon. The other changes are the additions of my kit designer, touch explode, and a special little guy living in the Dank Bags beehive;
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Here’s the deal- I have a store set up on the Castelli site. You would create a login for yourself and hop into the store. You order your size (keep in mind these kits run small, at least one size, maybe two depending on your fit preference), pop in your CC and shipping information and boom!, you’re golden. It’s a lot more better than sending via PayPal and hoping I don’t lose your email, that’s for sure. The price includes shipping in the USofA, anyone anywhere else, email me at lug(dot)junkie(at)gmail(dot)com. Order window closes December 21st, you’ll have your new kit in your hot little hands about 8 weeks after.

Ugh, my emails are so fucking long.

xoxoxo
Elder Matt Case

That right there is the fast track to Heaven, and like Case said, they run small. Because it’s Castelli, if you wear a medium race cut in other brands, order a XXXL.

In other news relating to ties- It was a week or so ago when Bay Area photo maven, Pamela Palma made contact with me and asked if I had a suit. “Hell yeah I do” I enthusiastically responded. “I have the nicest suit ever. I saved for it for over a year, and paid more for it than I did my truck.

Would you want to get it muddy?” Pamela asked.

No I would not“, I replied.

It turns out that Pamela had a series of portraits she’d been mulling around in her head, and she wanted to take some photos of me riding an ATB in the woods while wearing a suit.

I was able to hodgepodge a few articles of clothing together and at least assemble a suit that would be good enough for church, or a dead end job as a corporate bookkeeper;
pamelapalma
It was good fun, and a suit is a surprisingly comfortable thing to wear when riding aboard a mountainbikecycle.

If someone would just put one together that was a bit more adept at wicking.

Now, that would be the future I’d like to have been promised me.
newlittleskull

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Leave a Reply

12 Responses to “Assume the position.”

  1. Teamfubar November 24, 2014 at 6:32 am #

    I was gonna guess Danzig/Misfits for the Underbike party, but since Glen is 3’6″ and you said the singer is tall, well…

  2. Largo November 24, 2014 at 7:20 am #

    I’d sure love to git to one o them Underbike shindigs, but seeing as my “LV privileges are revoked” I just can’t see it ever happening.
    And I even have my old Alex DeLarge costume.
    Sigh….

  3. dnugz November 24, 2014 at 8:05 am #

    Is it artimus pyle?

  4. somedudeinFLA November 24, 2014 at 9:27 am #

    Leftover Crack would be a good one too

  5. Pablo Snazzy November 24, 2014 at 2:44 pm #

    “and unless you have six fingers per hand, are probably very good for gardening.”

    well…this guy is out
    http://imgur.com/a/ijaaG

  6. Mike November 24, 2014 at 5:29 pm #

    That Matt fellow, of Steve Young’s Posse, is one fine dude. His broken cowbell is deafening! Wish I had the coin, I’d sport the posse colors.

    • Case November 25, 2014 at 8:53 am #

      I’m thinking this is Mike from 10-heiser. Thanks for the nice words. Elder Britton and I were discussing how much of a good time we had with you at Barton. Keep up the good work, and hope to see you soon.

  7. scooper November 24, 2014 at 6:13 pm #

    The CRC Giro gloves are the fro shizz! I so love riding, running and singing in them. They are bitchen kittens!! I Highly or stonerly recommend them. Sorry Troy Lee….

    • Hurl Eversonic November 26, 2014 at 11:09 am #

      blush, blush, cough, cough…

  8. sinnfein November 25, 2014 at 8:12 am #

    Midnight Oil. Sick.

    • db December 2, 2014 at 10:15 am #

      I came down here to post that. So… Bruce Hornsby?

  9. Jose Marin December 2, 2014 at 7:29 pm #

    I got some of Hurl’s gloves. A question nobody would ask: “bicycle punk rock action” is all one term or separate. Specifically the “action” part, which is a category of porn. There was a time when “bicycle punk rock action” was something at least a bit edgy. Now it’s assumed, although punk rock is for aging sun damaged persons holding on to the past. Nothing wrong with that, it’s just reality. And the 30 pack is the new six pack if your liver is under 40. Just keep riding I say. I personally I use Mechanix gloves. They are cheaper and last way longer than any of those bling MTB gloves. Who has the freakin time to slink into the shop and buy another set of these things that insult an old schoolers intelligence? I think Mechanix could sell a mountain bike version, like I even have thought of contacting them about it. Even so I’m gonna show off my CRC guantes señor.