An avalanche of unprecedented proportions.

Why, of course any post referencing avalanches in the title would have to kick things off with the newest Turbonegro single, which in my humble opinion harkens back to the days of Ass Cobra;

Rumor has it that the former singer Hank now follows Scientology and his replacement, Tony does not, so he’s got that going for him, though anyway you slice it, neither of them could ever hold a candle to these two badasses;

Moving onto other topics of a European flavor, on Wednesday my door was darkened by a fellow named Lubomir who had traveled from Prague and was looking for some time on a bike.

I promised him a spin, and gave him what my broken body was capable of;

We traveled over hill, dale, and another couple of hills before returning to my house where I promptly loaded up on Advil and various proteins in an attempt at stemming the tide of impending muscle fatigue/failure. When you get old, it’s a necessity.

For any others who travel thousands of miles and would like to go on a bike ride, here is my standing offer to act as both your guide as well as your anchor.

As an awkward segue from Europe to art that doesn’t suck (because there is a lot of art that doesn’t suck which comes from there, I suppose would be the connection), last week I attended the First Friday event which takes place in Oakland called Art Murmur. This was unlike any First Friday, Third Thursday, or Second Saturday event I’ve ever attended for two reasons. The first being that there were literally thousands of people milling about in a neighborhood that previously was occupied primarily by abandoned warehouses and industrial spaces. The second being that there were actually loads of art that was far and away from sucking. Case in point was an installation at Zero Friends Gallery of California based artist Alex Pardee;

With the bare minimum amount of shrapnel jangling around in the recesses of my pocket I could afford either a few prints or one of his books. With a promise to myself to return eventually for the former, I instead opted for the latter;

Which came complete with the artist’s signature;

I do loves me some art books.
And speaking of art, since launching this AHTBM project, I have found that I have precious little time in which to make my own. While I certainly feel creatively fulfilled with my newfound appreciation for the written word, it still is no substitute for the tactile sensation of holding a brush in my hand. Fortunately I have recently been commissioned to make adjustments to a couple of previously innocuous looking nicknacks, the first of which I completed this past weekend;

After a quick search in various translators, I opted to call this piece “Gretten Engel”, which according to my best guess is Norwegian for ‘Grumpy Angel’.

In news of bikecycle events, I got a wordy email from Curtis of Retrotec and Inglis Bicycles regarding a big and dirty that’s going to be occurring in just a very short time from now. If you happen to be one who is interested in things both big and dirty, please read on;


Ken and I are helping our friend David out with the Skyline MTB Race this year. We took on the race to bring grassroots racing to Napa and show the Eagles cycling Club that NON-NORBA/USA cycling events are way more fun for not only racers, but everyone involved.

How are we going to do this?
• No need for a license to race.
• Low entry fee with lots of perks.
• You can camp at Skyline for free on Saturday night.
• Larger race categories so you feel like you are actually racing against someone—not everyone will be a winner.
• An Old School, super low-key Hill Climb on Saturday afternoon. No timing, no second or third place. Mass start, two options (hard and harder). First one to the top wins (prize to be determined).
• Free Pizza from Michael’s Presto Azzurro Mobile pizza oven.
• Timing and registration done by Bike monkey

Demonika at Skyline Park racing against no one other than the voices in her head.

We’d like to know if you help us out with spreading the word for this event?
Registration is open and just now starting to ramp up— Carlos does not want to have any same day reg. this year so we need to get the word out ASAP.


I’ve ridden, raced and heckled at Skyline Park, and can say without hesitation that it is indeed one of the funnest venues around. If you find that you might could be present at this, make it so.

Then, all the way on the other side of the country I got a heads up from Mike at Dark Horse Cycles about some very similar kinds of trouble making that Curtis just referenced;

We held our 4th annual Singlespeed-a-polooza a couple weekends ago and it was a smashing success!
There were so many people there ruining the race for each other that a fantastic time was had by everyone!
One of our pals put together a little video re-cap. Maybe you would enjoy viewing it and maybe even share it with some of your loyal minions.

If you can find your way to the wrong coast around August 5th I bet ya I could scare up a number plate for the DARKHORSE 40 for ya!
Little 40 mile race and keg party we throw every year. This being lucky number 10! We conversed last year on the possibility of you coming out. If perchance it happens so be it!

Yours in one gear and one dark lord!

Hawaiian Mike
Darkhorse Cycles”

Between taxes, medical bills (for both Buddy the cat and myself), and my raging cocaine addiction, my travel expense account is woefully thin, but inspired by the sounds of Turbonegro, and the impending Mayan prediction, certainly anything is possible.

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9 Responses to “An avalanche of unprecedented proportions.”

  1. 1speedbrian May 11, 2012 at 5:05 am #

    I got totally sucked into UkuleleMaya’s Utube channel thanks to this post. That one rocking dorm room.

  2. One Eyed z May 11, 2012 at 5:52 am #

    “when your eye is all crazy & your mind is kind of hazey, your drenched in blood..” Sounds like my Monday night.

  3. Pistol Pete May 11, 2012 at 6:08 am #

    Those young ladies were disturbingly compelling…

  4. Karen May 11, 2012 at 11:55 am #

    The way the girl on the left raises one eyebrow…very intriguing. Angelic voices singing demonic lyrics. An appropriate soundtrack to the art displayed (both yours and Alex’s).

  5. Ssbeeritual May 11, 2012 at 12:01 pm #

    Guitar in my hands since ’77. Now that I know I’m an artist I have to just play. Nearly all original. I call it my paintbrush.

    Make time Stevil. Words can provide images but are not themselves images. Paint.

  6. East Bay Ed May 11, 2012 at 1:26 pm #

    Finally, a Turbonegro site with bicycle-related content.

  7. East Bay Ed May 11, 2012 at 1:29 pm #

    Keep deathpunk Norwegian.

  8. Scooper May 11, 2012 at 5:18 pm #

    Appocolypse Dudes!

  9. craig May 13, 2012 at 10:10 pm #

    Another vote in favor of your continued artistic endeavors.
    Also, talented duo have lovely teeth.