“I love your body, Larry.” -Fletch

One for Sunday, because it’s Sunday.

Due to allegations made by Pat Robertson that the earthquake in Haiti was due to a deal they made with the devil, the devil himself contacted Pat Robertson in a transmission that was recently published in the MPLS Star Tribune.
“Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action.
But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.
Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”?
If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll.
You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Everybody needs to clean house sometimes.

Wednesday’s post was fairly cathartic for me, as tidying up either around your physical home or your virtual home is never a bad thing. I would like to also add that if my inbox were a garage, with the exception of the fact that in the corner there is a blow up doll wearing a chicken bucket on her head, it would now look something like this;


I’m a liar.

At the conclusion of Monday’s post I’d mentioned that I had incriminating photos of Ruth Buzzi. That was totally false, and I was so high on Spencer’s love that I made the part up about the monkey and the fly friendship video too. Lucky for me though, I can rely on my ever increasingly mediocre photoshop skills to at least provide a near facsimile of the former;


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