I’m back from MADE, and all I got was this lousy STD.*

*Just kidding. My regret purely relates to the notion that I barely entertained the “so, how’s your show been?” or “have you seen anything good?” queries at this year’s MADE show even once.

Now, I’m not saying I’m a salty old dog, but the number of various bike shows and expos I’ve attended in my dazzling life is at this point in the triple digits. I’ve had the same conversation hundreds of times, and it occurred to me during Interbike’s twilight that if I didn’t make actual human connections with people right from the jump before going through the same vapid banality over and over again through the following two or three days, I was going to positively come unglued.

Moreover, some of these people I’ve known upwards to thirty years, which by itself is absolute fuckery considering that I’m not old enough to have known anyone for that long, which of course is an erroneous observation, but you’re picking up what I’m laying down.

Anyhoos, I did get to make some real-life connections with some real solid people (I brought tears to at least two people’s eyes, and welled up once myself) so all in all I’d say it was a win.

Most folks walk away from expos proudly carrying and array of new hats, or stickers, or whatever googah they were able to scam away from the folks working hard at the booths, but my new goal is to see how many people I can make cry.

And speaking of swag, perhaps you’d like to see a photo of my haul;

Pretty impressive if I do say.

Also, if you’re in PDX and need a solid hotdog vendor, holler at Shorty at his yahoo email address, which by itself is pretty badass. The dude rules.

BUT, that aside, a year and a half ago Captain Dave gifted me an heirloom that after repeated attempts to get home, finally made its way here;

I don’t know about y’all, but I think I came out ahead. I don’t know what I’m going to keep it, but I suppose that’s a problem for tomorrow me.

So enough about that. You probably came here for all the hot bike on bike action I saw at the show, which I will dump out now.

Starting at the top, I probably saw the following things and people.

Like these offerings from Squid;


And Verg who was working with Abbey tools;

If you don’t know about Abbey, which I can’t imagine anyone doesn’t, but they rule, and are just another thing I can’t afford.

Between walking around, avoiding eye contact, and eating giant slices of pizza, I mostly hung out at the Donkelope booth;


I got to see my orthopedic surgeon Dr. Christopher Wahl, and his Mischief Bicycles imprint;


I really liked the look of those bikes on the internet, but holy cats… Seeing them in real life was something else.

Speaking of which, I don’t know who made this, but I wouldn’t want to take it outside;

One I would absolutely take outside this older sampling that Burnsy from Oddity Bikes;

At some point I bumped into Jermaine from Hodala and his brand new, and spectacularly pristine Prova;

I felt like I made it dirty by even looking at it.

At some point I hollered at the recently relocated whirlwind that is Amanda Batty, and we promptly spent a solid two days together;

I told her that when I first learned of her existence I wanted to be friends of her, but the more I learned of her, the more afraid of her I became, and I knew that if I didn’t want her to systematically destroy my life, continuing to keep a solid position in her corner was going to be a benefit to me in the long term.

Besides getting to share her new home with her for a couple of days, I also got to meet her two beloved babies which lofted my heart in ways I can’t describe;


If you don’t think I didn’t grab those little faces and kiss their foreheads and noses at least 30 individual times, you’ve got another thing coming.

Let’s see…. What else happened? Probably these things.

I saw perfect graffiti;

And friends galore, like Bob Scales

and Sean Walling;

I got to see the gang at Portland Design Works and chatted about biz, which made me feel good, as theirs is currently being very healthy;

I then continued on with some other dingdongery with the likes of CD;

and Christmas Alley

and Jeremy Sycip;

and super honch Meredith Miller;

And Paul from Paul;

This just scratches the surface of the hands that were slapped.

I was also very excited to meet B from Hot Salad Bicycles, but opted to not shove a camera in her face as she was busy eating a well deserved salad, which upon passing inspection I noted was in fact cold.

Instead I took a photo of a lovely sample of her wares she had on display to her left;

I’m a sucker for purple sparkles.

I also saw these things-

Pass and Stow racks;

Bike stands that I assume were handmade and artistically crafted which didn’t at all work;

Little baby shred machines from Moné;

The physical embodiment of a question mark;

A dope as fuck Tonic Fab straight blade fork that recalls the olden days Bontrager forks;

Finally it was time to saddle up and go, and with Henry safely secure in his new giant beer can, we were, as my godfather used to be fond of saying, “off like a herd of turtles“;

I’m now home, and my heart and head are both full of the opposite of black gunk.

Now that this post is safely in the rearview mirror, please allow me to remind folks that all bikes are made by hand.

Learn it, love it, live it.

Having cleared all off that, you want the newest episode of Revolting?

Of course you do, or don’t.

And with that, just remember- As you probably learned at one point or another from the world’s very best bicycle and bicycle parts related weblog in the entire world, wish as we may, there’s still no medicine for regret.