Pete and repeat.

As I mentioned on Monday, I went camping.
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Then, as I mentioned on Wednesday, I’m currently suffering from blurred vision and random dizzy spells, (which by the way, makes the plotting of my break out race season nearly impossible).
Oddly enough, by the second day in the woods, I was feeling no symptoms, thereby confirming the diagnosis that one doctor in particular gave me, concluding what I am experiencing are simply the ill effects of stress.
Now those who know me may wonder what possible stresses I might have. Particularly those who know me and happen to be attorneys, with three kids, a mortgage, and a problem with their weight and/or the volume of the voice coming from their mouths.
I have no false illusions that I am of a similar cloth as someone who can bear that kind of weight, which is one of a myriad of reasons that I am not an attorney, with three kids and a mortgage. I wouldn’t have pegged this as a result of stress, and in fact I’m still not entirely sure that the doctor was right, but oddly enough, as soon as I got back into civilization, and began thinking about money, and moving, and weddings, and trade shows, and so fourth, the dizziness returned.
It’s amazing how repeated free falls into cold water can realign your view of the world;

Your mind is a powerful weapon.. Especially when it’s used on yourself.
Anyway, I appreciate the emails and expressed concern, but until these posts begin reading like Stevie Wonder’s Twitter updates, none of us have anything to worry about.
Upon my return to the day to day I found that there was a larger than usual assortment of bits and pieces in my inbox, so without much more hesitation, I suppose the time to get to that would be now.
In response to last week’s 50 Tyson video, The Gehmans sent the following compilation;
Average Homeboy is tight. Cuz he aint black and don’t do crack.
I’m not a huge fan of rap. Of that particular genre, I certainly have some all time favorites, but by and large, it tends to fall flat because when rap is done wrong, it sucks. When rap is done horribly wrong, it’s unbearable.
Captain Dave took a second out of his busy schedule to send a photo from this past weekend’s Ironclad sprint and crit fiasco to let me know that AHTBM socks will assuredly net you a first place, while the wearing of EVIL socks will get you third;
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However, anyway you slice it, those guys could have been riding backwards on their handlebars and they would have looked stunning.
From Mike House, who presumably lives in a house, and also probably never wants to hear The Mary Jane Girls (“In Mike House”.. Get it?) as long as he lives, I got this;
“Hey Stevil,
Could you do me, as they say in the citay “a solid” and plug our club’s upcoming race. The world is a mysterious place Stevil and I’m certain that you posting the link to the race’s site and mentioning how the opportunity to get radtarded will most definitely present itself for those in attendance can sway someone who previously might have spent the weekend at a clam bake, into bringing their a, b or c games to our little race. You have that power…
Details for said event can be found here.
Attendees can be guaranteed the opportunity of some light hearted heckling and maybe a beer hand-up from moi…..
Thanks Stevil for continuing to mitigate the world’s suckage levels….
MikeH”

In response I should make two points. Firstly, he didn’t say anything about D, E or F game, so I presume I’m not welcome, and secondly, mitigating suckage levels is a 24 hour a day job. I am but a single individual among an army of many, but I pull whatever weight that I can.
From photographer extraordinaire Bob Croslin I get this cringe-worthy clip;
“Glenn has not aged well.”

I’ll give you a second to peel your faces out of within the clasped confined of your hands.
Kjell got ahold of me to speak on specific points of paranoia, and keeping good company;
“Stevil,
Because I am paranoid, I use the search engine Yauba, which supposedly doesn’t collect any data about you. Compared to Google it has its limitations but that’s the price of privacy.
What I get a kick out of is when you search for All Hail the black Market, Yauba offers further search recommendations in the sidebar. See below:
Underground Economy
Illegal Homemade Drug Recipes
Human Organs for Sale
Organ Trafficking
Rare Exotic Animals
Sell Me Illegal Guns
Gestapo
Steroids
Illegal Stuff
Making Money by Selling a Kidney
Ration Coupons
Ration Books
Illegal Things
Machine Guns for Sale
Underground Economy in the USA”

When I was a child my mom used to regularly mention to me that one can be known by the company they keep, and in this instance, I couldn’t be prouder of that fact.
Then from John, I got an epic sage that will have you laughing, and crying and standing in your chair;
“Stevil,
While reading a recent NYTimes article about their local “bicycle rider’s paradise” it came to my attention that one of the riders in the picture appears to be sporting on of your fine vetements. I assumed this was just wishful thinking until the Bikesnob seems to have thought the same thing. Kudos to you of course, just wish it had been a better picture for free marketing purposes and all.
However, I am writing you out of concern for riders of New York City as the article omitted crucial warning and I fear for the terrible potential consequences that might befall the innocent. I know I’ve advised by some of our fine national leaders that I shouldn’t worry as New Yorkers aren’t “real” Americans, but my southern manners insist. As you are a man of letters and culture I know you will understand when I say that this seemingly lush pastoral “bicycle rider’s paradise” is in reality a potential dead zone for all who enter other than Linda Hamilton. How quickly we all seem to forget that this areas hold the secret entrances to the lair of Vincent from the 1980’s CBS drama Beauty and the Beast pictured below:
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or that he has mastered subway surfing:
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I can only image that the unfortunate rider who accidentally stumble across Vincent or his secrets would either be torn to bits or force to watch this fanboy mashup-remix of Vincent/Ron Perlman and Linda Hamilton dry humping away to a Kelly Clarkson song. (Make sure you have a tissue available first for when the rush of emotions come you won’t be able to contain your weeping).:

I hope you will warn your readers of the dangers all around them. None of us commoners have the fortitude of Linda Hamilton to both fight off time traveling killer robots and bang a Calico Ron Perlman. It must be like getting penetrated by a dong wearing a cozy fleece snuggie.
Via con dios.”

No matter how many times I read that email, I was unable to fully appreciate the message behind Beauty and The Beast, and could only think of Jocelyn Wildenstein;
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So with that, on behalf of both John and myself, you’re welcome.
Also, in regards to the NYT article that John’s email started off with, I actually was fortunate enough to get a correspondence from the individual pictured his-self;
“Hey Stevil,
As you may or may not know already, I almost got AHTBM some play in the NY Times…
Obviously the photographer lacks your action shot skills. A focused photo would show that I was rocking AHTBM socks too…
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Anyway, I’ve worn the jersey twice so far. The first time I had someone scream “black market!” at me as I was riding the Pulaski bridge from hipsterville to my residence in Queens. The second time, I run into Bike Snob and the Times. What will the third bring?
keeping it weird in Queens,
-Ralph”

Assuming that Ralph hasn’t washed the jersey after the first two uses, I would assume that the third time will bring flies.
Regardless of the blurriness that the shot possesses, I appreciate that Ralph took the time to notify me of this as well, and am still swollen with pride.
Or that could be a symptom of some other mystery illness. What I might need to do is return to the woods and fall off of a few more rocks to be sure.
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8 Responses to “Pete and repeat.”

  1. Moneyfire July 28, 2010 at 6:29 am #

    I guess we know how Messier Perlman got Hellboy.

  2. velorambling July 28, 2010 at 6:34 am #

    I got something to say: WTF! I tried to stop watching, I wanted to stop watching, just couldnt.

  3. megan July 28, 2010 at 7:29 am #

    i can’t figure out which has demented my thoughts and brain more: the monkey & frog vid or dead caress. now im dizzy with blurred vision. doomed.

  4. Dave July 28, 2010 at 9:52 am #

    3rd place Trevor. Cat 2 racer Trevor. Poor kid has to ride that old Trek after his Spooky lost structural integrity.
    Wrong socks, wrong bike, still 3rd!

  5. Jim July 28, 2010 at 12:05 pm #

    >>>I have no false illusions that I am of a similar cloth as someone who can bear that kind of weight, which is one of a myriad of reasons that I am not an attorney, with three kids and a mortgage.
    [sighs]

  6. ssbeeritual July 28, 2010 at 4:10 pm #

    David jackwagon Coverdale

  7. Chezedog July 28, 2010 at 9:57 pm #

    Dog Balls!
    Captcha test.

  8. sarah August 3, 2010 at 2:41 pm #

    wow, i’d completely forgotten about the television series of beauty and the beast! i used to love that show.