When a Friend’s Had the Stuffing Knocked Out of Him

As I type these words, our friend and host is being cut to bits by a surgeon. He’s getting drilled and patched and stapled back together, like the saggy ragdoll that he is. Hopefully he comes back with a pair of googly eyes and an extra finger.

Now, some time ago, he gave me the log-in credentials for this website, which I think we can all agree, was probably a mistake, because it means that on days like today, when the cat is away, the mouse can sneak in and write whatever the fudge ripple he feels like.

As regards what I feel like, my main and primary goal, the reason I left my own digital wasteland and slogged over here to his, was to suggest that one way we, as a community of like-minded individuals, could lift up our friend from his opiate-soaked sheets and set him on his way to a healthy, happy recovery. And we could do that by taking a little financial worry off his back.

Some time ago I installed, in his webstore, an item called Buy the Guy a Beer. This is a thinly disguised ruse as the guy in question has free and easy access to enough beer to drown one of those miniature ponies, not that I would condone such an activity. The point is, by Buying the Guy a Beer, you’re actually just helping him along on his merry way, which would be especially helpful right now, as he’s not feeling his most merriest.

And just so this post doesn’t come at you like just one more plea for cash (although those are certainly never going to stop coming), I will leave you with a few videos which I have curated (in the parlance of the 2010s) for your amusement. I hope you derive some entertainment value from each one in exact proportion to the number of beers you elect to buy the aforementioned guy.

This first one is a video I shared with Stevil, which he subsequently swore I hadn’t shared with him, so I shared it again, because I’m a pedantic prick sometimes, and he was like, “Oh, right. That one. You did send me that.” No one like Lightning Bolt except me, my buddy Che, and all these Japanese people, but I think we can agree this performance was a real rager.

Next, we have this gem from Japanese TV, which appears to test a number of ways to escape a cloud of flatulence. If you don’t know why it’s good, then I can’t explain.

Finally, an all-time classic, and a crystalline moment in the history of post-everything music, the listening to which makes me feel better about the chaos between my ears as I walk around this badger-f*%ed planet of ours. Also, I used to own one of those guitars he’s playing in that there video. I found it excruciatingly heavy and hard to keep in tune, but obviously I was just using it wrong.

Now that you’ve been entertained. Don’t forget to Buy the Guy a Beer.