I need a soul massage.

Is it possible to be so enraged that it hurts to breathe?
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After reading the following news bite, I think it just may be.
Sit down and pour a stiff one.
I was absolutely dumbfounded upon reading this article, and don’t quite know how to effectively express my dismay. As the Tea Party itself continues to develop and their ideals grow and gain traction, I become increasingly unnerved by their sheer ignorance and blatant arrogance.
Sure, it’s easy to laugh at the absurdity of Judson Phillips’ agenda, just as it is Christine O’Donnell’s complete and total ignorance of the first amendment;

I can only assume that Chris Coons was drinking straight vodka out of that pitcher to quell the overwhelming desire to jump across the desk and strangle her.
To once again use a quote that I have grown quite fond of these last twelve months, “Idiocracy wasn’t a movie. It was a prophesy.”
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I’m curious if Phillips is aware that by the definition he is choosing to follow, ‘owners of property’ also refers to those who own slaves. While we’re on this directive, we may as well disallow women and minorities to vote as well, and to that end, continue the pursuit to prove that Earth is indeed flat.
To each his own though, you know? Anybody can follow their own particular beliefs, just don’t judge me or force me to follow yours. ‘Arybody got ‘they own kind of doctrine;
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In news of bikes, bike related wizardry, and finally getting the chance to live out the dream of catching an unwitting thief red handed, a company called GPSTrackThis has released a couple of variations of their high tech GPS tracker.
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I like this concept a whole bunch, as I myself am one of the.. What? Brazillions who have lost their beloved into the hands of a nefarious character who had nothing but bad times planned for her. Though in all honesty, had I been able to track that bike down shortly after its theft, chances are good that rather than sitting here before you, rolling out the weekly fractured thoughts and observations as I do, I would be bound up in some jail cell somewhere on charges ranging from abduction and kidnapping to torture and possibly murder.
But should you be an individual of a more amiable temperament, then perhaps this item is something that you might like to have find its way into your Christmas stocking this year.
Just now, upon reading today’s post over my shoulder, my better half muttered to me that it seemed ‘venomous’. If that is indeed the case, I guess it would be best to remedy that with a nice email from a nice man named Adam;
“Stevil,
I know you’ve been working with Steve for the Bike Battle stuff, but I wanted to thank you so much for supporting us at the Battle.
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The crowd was super excited for your print. I had people screaming for it! The event went over extremely well, drawing around 120-150 people!
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We had folks from Denver, Fort Collins, Windsor, Greeley, Loveland, and more. Check out the photos and and if you are ever supporting events in the area, or would like to collaborate in the future, let me know! It’s your support that makes events like this possible.
Thank you,
Adam Davidson”

Well, first of all I would like to humbly thank Adam for his kind words. Secondly I have to plead slight ignorance, as the aforementioned Steve had originally asked for some level of support for his event, but as I am but one solitary person running on fumes until I can get the next bit of product off the ground, sponsoring more than a small handful of events over the course of a year ends up being about as much as I can do. After expressing this sentiment, Steve ended up buying one of my Art Crank prints outright, and I still got the accolades anyway, albeit somewhat undeservedly.
I just assumed the print would end up duct taped to his shop’s bathroom wall, destined to be covered with hand drawn moustaches and porn clippings.
At any rate, I am proud to have been a part of their throw down, and I look forward to the eventual possibility of have a considerably greater steak in one of their future events.
At this stage in today’s game, I have to get my show on the road. Before I go, I should note that I have made the decision to turn my old computer in for a fancy pants new one. My computer is in the shop being transifcated, and such so until Friday, December 10th, I will be out of email contact. Any communication/orders/threats will be handled upon my return to the living, virtual and otherwise, and I thank you for your consideration.
Further more, as I stated on Monday, I am off like a herd of turtles to get get busy with a bunch of legitimate journalists and professional cyclists for the next three days. I may be around to make some kind of an update or another before Friday, but on the chance that this doesn’t occur, rest assured that for the time being I will be way over my head in a realm of which I know nothing.
My bags are packed, my bike is cleaned, my underpants and tap shoes are both tight and tappy, and I have a smoldering fire in my belly.
My pain caused by the Tea Party’s insufferable rediculousness will soon be replaced with one of a whole different color.
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11 Responses to “I need a soul massage.”

  1. steve December 6, 2010 at 8:14 am #

    I’m regretting watching/reading that now as my head has exploded, and sat here in merry old England under the condem govt we have in place now it’s only a matter of time before that fuckwit idea reaches these shores.

  2. ThadS December 6, 2010 at 9:07 am #

    So…that happens to be my law school where the infamous debate took place. Makes you wonder.

  3. Sean Hurl December 6, 2010 at 10:13 am #

    This is why you should stick to bikes. That clip just gave me a bad case of the Mondays.

  4. The CD December 6, 2010 at 10:53 am #

    Your banana is hanging out.

  5. chunksworth December 6, 2010 at 4:36 pm #

    that bike battle thing was pretty cool, but it’s hard to beat bikes beer and friends

  6. BillyReuben December 6, 2010 at 8:21 pm #

    At first I was like “LOL Americans”, but then i remembered that our prime-minister suspended parliament twice in the last couple of years.
    And my new mayor is Rob Ford.
    Anyone for an emergency prop-plane escape to a remote tropical island with excellent singletrack? Warning; it’ll be a one-way trip. After we land we burn the aircraft.

  7. Uncle Shirley December 7, 2010 at 7:53 am #

    Does the soul massage come with a happy ending?

  8. patbastard December 7, 2010 at 9:30 am #

    Your insight has got what plants crave, it has electrolytes…

  9. Snakebite December 7, 2010 at 9:49 am #

    Is that a Lemmy / Jebus picture? A dude can only wonder if he’s found of the lamb due to its lack of teeth and longevity sucking.

  10. Seattle Liberal December 7, 2010 at 1:45 pm #

    Actually, it seemed the the blog skewed the story (bold text tends to do that) and that the conversation was taken somewhat out of context. It doesn’t really seem like Phillips was advocating that only property owners currently be allowed to vote, but rather he was putting a historical fact into some context (no comment on whether the statement was factual). I’d never turn down a stiff drink, but getting bent out of shape from that story? Relax!