If you gotta get from point A to point J or K, you might as well do it in style.

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Last weekend Friendly Paul, Mr. Blacksocks and I got a jump on the rain storms and went out on a speedcycle ride;
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Eventually Mr. Blacksocks split off and was ultimately replaced by the equally handsome Abe;
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After a while Abe split off and left FP and myself to meander along by ourselves;
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Photo courtesy of 17th Ward.
At the conclusion of our ride, with our bottles empty and food supplies exhausted, we came across Heaven in the form of this;
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Throwing my bike into the bushes in a fit of disbelief, I fell to my knees to weep. With wide eyes and shaking hands I nervously approached the beast and peered into the windows as if I were cracking openg a book containing the meaning of life.
What I found inside were things of fantasy;
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I halfway expected to see bunks, a stocked refrigerator, and no fewer than three disco balls, but wasn’t disappointed when all that was in there were benches and a stripper pole.
After all, when traveling cross country, what more could someone need?
Clearly, when you travel with Bad Company, you travel in good company.
Going from bad company to bad ideas, Chris sent me the following video of an absolutely world class example on Monday;

As I replied to Chris, if one were to wear this suit, and ride this bike;
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I’m reasonably sure the gates of Hell would open up and take us all.
There’s a simi-regular feature here on All Hail The Something-Or-Other, and that feature is called the mail bag.
Do you know who likes the mail bag?
George likes the mail bag;
“hi friend,
blast this link. Its terribly awesome!
bikes are getting ridden a lot lately around here, which has brought out the whole circus to the local shred zone as there are only a few areas free of snow right now.
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observing this scene is more fun than watching drunk people put boats in a lake.

eat shit.
george”

If ever you feel as though your life’s fun gauge is broken, heed George’s words and follow suit.
Both from, and for my friends in Australia I received a slew of information regarding some goings on, going down;
“Hey Stevil,
Thanks for the shoutout on AHTBM the other day.
#3 is on this Sunday, after riders have partied hard at the DDCX prologue on Friday, and then raced the Hell of the West road race on Sunday, featuring the famous Cut Hill, which often sees riders taking their road shoes off and donning thongs (that’s flip flops to you) to walk up it. Plus this year they’re thrown in a 3km gravel section to boot.
It’s going to be a fucking rad weekend. I hope it rains the entire time.
If you’re doing a Friday roundup post and have a slot to plug our gravel grinder again, that would be sweet.
The route is here, and the blog post/flyer is here.
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Cheers,
Blakey.”

I was exchanging some thoughts with my old friend Dan of Shifter Bikes concerning this event Tuesday evening. It sounds as if it will be an adequate affair to be thrown by descendants of convicts.
Another email I received recently was from a fella who sometimes goes by the name Jimmy James, in regards to one of last week’s posts containing the clip of ‘Earl Sweatshirt’;
“Dude, it saddened me to see OFWGKTA on your blog. That shit is played out and has gotten a retarded amount of coverage in the past year. I am so sick of seeing “swag” everywhere. Support the kids and their art but jesus christ they aren’t that great.
Here’s better things that are new to blog about;

In conclusion- fuck swag. You don’t need that shit. Listen to Swedish rock n roll, drive trucks, shoot guns, and have a few irresponsible adventures on bikes. That’s what all the blogs will be about in a few years anyway. Might as well get ahead of the game.”

Firstly, the newest Graveyard album is indeed the business. Should you be looking for some kind of music or another, set a course for ‘Hisingen Blues’. You don’t even have to thank me later.
Secondly, I know for a fact that Sir James has been following our antics here since the days of the ‘Bummer Life’, so I can only assume that he was lost in a momentary cloud of delirium when he made the observation that I’ve somehow avoided Swedish rock n roll, driving trucks, shooting guns, or having anything but irresponsible adventures on bikes, as those have all been at one time or another a cornerstone of my virtual foundation.
I also know that I am in good company with this directive. This of course is totally subjective, as from a casual observer’s perspective we could all just look like a bunch of no good thugs.
To that end, and noting that I wouldn’t have it any other way, if I didn’t have bad company, I would have no company at all.
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10 Responses to “If you gotta get from point A to point J or K, you might as well do it in style.”

  1. bigmike June 2, 2011 at 6:01 am #

    it should be mandated that every bus in America (& the world for that matter) be equipped with a stripper pole.

  2. gar June 2, 2011 at 9:47 am #

    Wear a MASS look like an ass and get a smack from the pack.

  3. blacksocks June 2, 2011 at 11:02 am #

    Magic Bus still blows my mind…

  4. Loudass, Esq. June 2, 2011 at 2:17 pm #

    Swedish rock ‘n roll is bit past its buzz these days; English doom metal is the new it, along with obscure Lovecraft references and the ironic use of marijuana. Trucks, guns and bikes just come with the scenery.

  5. teamfubar June 2, 2011 at 5:31 pm #

    @bigmike, you need to be careful what you wish for…have you seen most people that ride buses? Although many of them will strip for you on command, you pro’ly don’t want them to.

  6. Stevil June 2, 2011 at 5:34 pm #

    Loudass,
    Considering that Graveyard is from Sweden, I think you have a point confused, good sir.

  7. mark it eight June 2, 2011 at 6:11 pm #

    thank you creators of the MASS for contributing to the hordes of douchenozzles trying to turn cycling into just another stupid workout for meat heads.

  8. dpow June 3, 2011 at 6:50 am #

    The song “Bad Company” by the band Bad Company off of the album titled Bad Company happens to be my favorite song ever.
    Not shocked to learn the bus by the same name would be my favorite bus of all time.

  9. Case June 3, 2011 at 8:23 am #

    I watched that stupid ass MASS video with the sound off while listening to the Pixies play Break My Body. Seemed fitting. Also, being from Massachusetts, I’d like to completely divesy my glorious Commonwealth from the abortion on that video. The inventor of that thing, obviously, is truly the biggest Masshole of them all.

  10. CanCon June 6, 2011 at 8:53 pm #

    Anyone wanting to throw out OFWGKTA as little more than another over hyped fad should check out this interview before they join the herd of people happy go around trashing something they don’t understand:
    http://youtu.be/-OoZNENl0Cg
    Even if you think he’s missing his mark musically, the kid has shit figured out way better than I did at his age.