Letter bombs.

I’ve been bla blaing about the mailbag, but the time to get down to business is now.
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The sooner I do, the sooner my inbox won’t collapse under the sheer weight of itself.

So let’s see what’s what, with the first item from Andy;

Subject: The things you see on a bike.

I strongly suggest you keep Chloe well away from this guys house. He seems to have a ‘thing’ for her type.
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For those who don’t know, Chlöie is my dear compatriot who keeps me company, acts as my spiritual guide, and models various AHTBM headwear;
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And I refused to show her that image, because I don’t like upsetting her.

Secondly, Jocylin got in touch with the announcement that the solution to cargo bikes wasn’t in fact a mountain bike with a rack on it, as I have previously been thinking, but continues to develop into something much more involved;

Hey hey Stevil,

Hope this finds you rock’n’ your usual Casbah.

You heard it here first. OM is back up and running with a team in your backyard. Mark your calendar for July 25th’s SF team reveal party
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Any props would be swell.

Announcing Oregon Manifest 14: The Bike Design Project
5 Teams. 5 Cities. The Ultimate Urban Utility Bike

High-level design firms, partnered with American bicycle craftsmen, are fiercely competing to create their version of the next urban bike.

CHI: MINIMAL (Scott Wilson) x Method Bicycle
NYC: Pensa x Horse Cycles
PDX: INDUSTRY x Ti Cycles Fabrication
SF: Huge Design x 4130 Cycle Works
SEA: TEAGUE x Sizemore Bicycles

Cheers,

Jocelyn

There was an attachment with that email containing images, and Word documents, and Photoshop files and all of this stuff pertaining to the competition that almost made my head explode. On top of that, I come to find out that the offering from San Francisco is set to be designed by a boy band;
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Besides a skateboard I suppose, bicycles are the only vehicle capable of carrying ten times its own weight.

I’m judging a book by its cover over here, but I might go so far as to say these design team’s bikes will take this concept a step further with the ability to carry ten times their own weight in Axe Body Spray.

Three years ago I attended this event, and the weekend probably took an equal number of years off my life.

Perhaps I need to schedule a return for a re-do.

A member of that particular shitshow was Case, who sent in an email relating to a specific email included in this post;

Your post, specifically the email from the officer sporting the D.O.A. patch, reminded to tell you about my recent AHTBM Merch experience.

I was in the garden center of one of those big box places, picking up stuff for, well, the garden. A man and woman came up to me, the woman craned her neck around to look at my shirt. “Sorry” she said, “I just wanted to see what your shirt said.” I didn’t really even think anything of having the “I’m fucked up, what are you?” shirt on until then, because I don’t give a rat’s ass what people think. I looked down at it and chuckled at her. Then she said “Do you work here?”

Pretty sweet.

I recall hearing a story of a person being escorted out of a Home Depot in Sacramento for wearing that shirt…

I’m proud to have a hand in the development of merchandise that brings people together.

But before I stray too far off topic, and speaking of the Department of Awesome, additional components of the uniform have just arrived and are available for all participating officers;
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Get the small/mediums or the L/XLs while they’re hot.

The next item of the D.O.A. issued uniform that will be released will almost assuredly be tiny shorts, ala Officer Dangle;
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While the next bit of news from Lucho is not exactly regarding tiny shorts, it’s no less alluring;

Subject: Columbian in the USA.

Yo

Moving to the U.S. with my family was not a fun experience, particularly when I became the school’s punching bag, on account of me being Colombian.

Now, at least among a tiny sub-group of cycling fans in this country, being Colombian is somewhat cool, due to the renaissance of Colombian cyclists in Europe. This can only mean one thing: time to make some jerseys that celebrate Colombian cycling, so everyone can partake in the fun (and hopefully help me avoid becoming a communal punching bag yet again).

Attached is an image of the jersey design, in case you can share it with your readership.
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I’m taking pre-orders until April 10th. Cost is $80 plus shipping.

Thanks!
L

I do like that Lucho, and I quite enjoy his website. I once introduced him to someone by calling him ‘a slightly more cerebral BikeSnob’.

I’d imagine The BikeSnob might take exception to that, but regardless, if I were to ever find myself matching wits with either of them, I’d be crushed, so what’s my perspective worth anyway?

In other news of kits, and shits, Will The Tiny Viking came through with the following plea;

Hey dudemanguy,

Just wondered if you wanted to maybe plug our “collabo” kit or whateverthefuck you wanna call it. The deadline is the 10th and honestly I’m pretty disappointed in how many people are actually buying this DOPE kit. The hats should be arriving in the next few days in which case I’ll send them out for hat-only orders…
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THANKS GUY.

In my experience, people always wait until five minutes or so before the order window closes.

Then the super impaired spend the five minutes afterwords sending emails complaining about how they weren’t able to order a kit.

And with that, it appears as though the letter bomb has been diffused, and at least for now, we are safe to go about our business for yet another day.
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Leave a Reply

7 Responses to “Letter bombs.”

  1. Dovah Cat April 4, 2014 at 4:45 am #

    Link to Scum City jersey’s broken. 🙁

    • Stevil April 4, 2014 at 4:58 am #

      That link’s a pain in the ass. This is the second time it’s migrated away from me. It’s fixed now.

  2. Dr Ray April 4, 2014 at 5:18 am #

    Scum City jersey…Evil endorsed, offensive to people I find offensive, kitty cat. Done. DOA socks soon. Thank you for keeping my wardrobe classy over the years.

  3. One Eyed z April 4, 2014 at 5:30 am #

    So many kits…. so little money. Guess I should wait until after I pay for kits for the new team (Tacopocalypse Racing) I’m on first before I buy others. Ah well.

    • will April 4, 2014 at 6:27 am #

      With a name like that… yeah idk it sounds sweet where can I see?

  4. Mat O April 4, 2014 at 10:35 am #

    Total facepalm on the “ultimate urban utility bike” thing. One of those boy band members is a former co-worker of mine whose time spent on a bike is best measured in minutes. Glad he’s giving his expertise!

    • Loren April 6, 2014 at 1:29 pm #

      What’s a good boy band without a “Useless One”?