When all is said and done, there won’t be much left to say or do.

If you’ve followed my chronicles for any length of time, you’ve read the stories I’ve posted on The Homie, and all the chaos they contain..

If not, you should go check those out. They were pretty good.

I’ve used terms like ‘one part fire, and two parts gas’, ‘throwing me down the stairs into a kiddy pool full of booze’, and ‘a bullet train to drunkingham’, and really, from that point, there isn’t anywhere to go but down. Truth be told, this year seemed a bit quieter.. Short and Angry didn’t get into fisticuffs with GenO, One Eyed Zeke didn’t vanish into the woods in a mushroom fueled haze, Sov didn’t yank the hat off of a hapless driver’s head after he attempted to break the chain of ner-do-wells with his SUV, Linden wore no chef hat while people threw fireworks into his work space, and Emily didn’t go three for three;

Before I get into any of what did go down though, a public service announcement from Grayboy;
“Found items (see photo): blue full-face helmet, green military cap (Marlin?), left Specialized glove, left Pearl Izumi glove, right Outdoor Research glove, right Lake Winter glove, right brown suede glove, Planet bike single-LED front light, Black Diamond 3-LED headlamp, black Thermos top…not shown (Marlin?). I’ll hold onto this stuff for a month, and then it goes away if nobody claims it.
Homie Leftovers.jpg
I got to the site around 10:45am, and it was still a fucking mess. Lots of stinkeye from hikers and dogwalkers, of course. Jamie (don’t know his last name…messenger who rode with B-Rad back in the day) was there, walking his dog…and shaking his head. He wasn’t at the Homie, but he still helped me pick up (4) 30-gallon bags and (1) 55-gallon bag full of evidence…plus the crap listed above, which does not include 8 full beers, $.50 in quarters, and an orange Bic that will not be returned to their former owners. Thank Jamie when you see him.

First off, I of course have to offer Grayboy thanks. We were on our way to clean up, but it would have ended up occurring about 9 hours after he was there. He’s a machine, and we are not.
Now, I have to again go on record and say that this year actually seemed to contain a dose of decorum, though not that any of that would be apparent in the following photographic evidence. I walked away with my liver, digits, and reputation more or less intact, which I suppose is more than could be said for a few folks who had the misfortune of following Saturday’s train into the woods along the Mighty Mississippi;
That’s the short version.. So really, at this point, what else is left to say but “THE END”?

There were some other things that happened as well, one of which involved hash, and the temporary loss of one’s mind, bedbugs, Schriner buying a round of bloody marts, a two and four year old having no concern for my hangover and playing the same song at top volume over and over and over at the ass crack of dawn, and Paul Zeigle proving that no matter how many various substances he puts in his body, he’s still a better bike rider than you are.

To say that it’s not an event for the weak of heart is an understatement.

If you think you’re a tough guy, give it a shot. For the rest of you, there is always the SSWC..

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18 Responses to “When all is said and done, there won’t be much left to say or do.”

  1. cockleburr November 3, 2009 at 6:16 pm #

    Fucking great photo spread! I like how it gets darker and darker.
    All Hail Mike The Bike!

  2. Danny B. November 3, 2009 at 6:38 pm #

    is that Shit Eye in a couple of those? looks like a blast, Steve. have fun with the boobies up north.

  3. clove November 3, 2009 at 7:10 pm #

    Damn, I always seem to be out pissing out in the woods during the human sacrifice.
    Next year.

  4. scott November 3, 2009 at 8:26 pm #

    i told myself sunday morning i was going to take a month off of drinking after the homie. that lasted only a few hours until i got to BLB and had 2 bloody marys. thanks mpls for a great weekend.

  5. mark November 3, 2009 at 8:39 pm #

    Where the hell did October go?

  6. nate November 3, 2009 at 10:58 pm #

    the “hoss and beam”. sounds like a great name for a home furnishing store.

  7. Jonny Hamachi November 4, 2009 at 12:37 am #

    Well, whatever it is, can you get your Man to turn the TV down?

  8. Johnny November 4, 2009 at 6:40 am #

    This story lacks sodomy.

  9. Pinto November 4, 2009 at 7:45 am #

    Thanks for the surprise visit. It was nice not seeing you very much, other than that TT down the Greenway to catch up to you & B after you left the BLB. Jeezus, that’s a lot of initials….can I buy a vowel? Please punch Dave & Cheever in the spleen(s) this weekend.

  10. Hans In Colorado November 4, 2009 at 9:42 am #

    I’m always amazed at the amount of strip clubs and donut shops in one city. Have a blast in Portland.

  11. Justin November 4, 2009 at 11:18 am #

    Hey, I saw the guy with the David the Gnome hat and long beard at Tour de Fat in MPLS over the summer. I’m glad to see he drinks beer and rides bikes on a regular basis.

  12. Kid Riemer November 4, 2009 at 11:59 am #

    Judging from that list of lost gloves…I guess we can tell which hand those guys use.

  13. Jack November 4, 2009 at 12:37 pm #

    I’m fat and have a stupid bike but riding at Homie made me feel like I fit in! That was a fun ride and I plan on doing it all over next year. Until then I will be hiding my stupid bike in the garage.

  14. Rocky November 4, 2009 at 1:57 pm #

    that chick with the scar has man hands. or does the man with the hands have a chick stomach? either way, pretty hot.

  15. One Eyed z November 5, 2009 at 11:30 am #

    “One Eyed Zeke didn’t vanish into the woods in a mushroom fueled haze” Oh so thats what happened to me that year. I’ve always wondered.
    Seeing photos from the Homie makes me kick myself for not being there, again, this year.
    Maybe by next year I’ll have all my ducks in a row again so I can go play.
    Glad you made it up.

  16. HOSS November 5, 2009 at 12:46 pm #

    I wish that at this very moment I was lying on the dirt next to a raging fire in wool soaked with the scent of sweet sweet booze and pungent sweat… the sound of giggles, screaching brakes and dry heave wafting o’r my ears in the wind. I’m counting the days for my return trip. Oh, and by the way… thanks to the cookie-fairy whoever you are… those bad boys were well timed!

  17. reed November 5, 2009 at 10:34 pm #

    i was there and it wasn’t like being there the other times at all. it was more halloweiner or something.

  18. slappy November 9, 2009 at 10:15 am #

    hay what are u gonna do, middle age white guys and bikes gettin drunk just Go To gether. c u in nz watch out for the 36r