One for Sunday, because it’s Sunday.

Due to allegations made by Pat Robertson that the earthquake in Haiti was due to a deal they made with the devil, the devil himself contacted Pat Robertson in a transmission that was recently published in the MPLS Star Tribune.
“Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action.
But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.
Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”?
If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll.
You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

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4 Responses to “One for Sunday, because it’s Sunday.”

  1. Dave1949 January 17, 2010 at 8:34 am #

    This is definitely the best answer I have read yet to that jackass. Now if the devil has the sense of humour he should have, he’ll make Pat and Rush listen to nothing but each other for all eternity when the time comes.

  2. Davis January 17, 2010 at 9:39 am #

    Ol’ Pat doesn’t see the irony in what he said because he, himself is quite possibly the devil.

  3. Gypsy January 17, 2010 at 1:23 pm #

    God, but I love the Devil…

  4. Bluenoser January 21, 2010 at 6:31 pm #

    Is Gypsy somehow related to the late George Carlin?