Digital vomit.

Before I get down to business, I should mention that the newest AHTBM product has finally rolled off the assembly line;

It’s innovations such as this that has me on the fast track to becoming one of America’s youngest self made millionaires.

Though they are available for shipping now, my attorney has temporarily but a hold on them going out due to what he referred to as a “glaring misrepresentation of product”.

It’s a $46.00 Styrofoam cup. I don’t see what’s being misrepresented at all.

Obviously it’s been a few days since I’ve been through here, but Gary sent me an email and a nice little video accompaniment just before I left;

“Got this video of you riding over the weekend. Nice form.”

Nobody ever said that the All Hail The Black Market training camp was going to be easy.

You knew what you signed up for.

Well, I’m back from the badlands, and have nary a story to tell, short of time spent with babies, and taking upwards to three naps a day. I did have the pleasure to spend an evening drinking beer and picking the brain of Lanolin from one Ritte Racing, pictured here looking at home getting acquainted with some of our fellow bar patrons;
Once he finally settled down, we drank some drinks and got cracking on solving some of the world’s problems, which we did with quickness. He shared some of the secrets of his empire, while I in turn shared some from mine. Finally, as the witching hour drew near, we beer bonged our final double vodka and sodas and then stepped outside to say our farewells. It was then that he bestowed upon me the greatest of honors; a Ritte t-shirt, water bottle, team kit and official invite onto the professional roster;
(It should be noted that the official invite is not pictured due to the fact that as this is being written, I have yet to unpack, therefore have been unable to find it in my vast collection of Louis Vuitton luggage.

Anyway, it was great being able to have my first face to face with the man since our revolutionary interview that literally is still changing the face of the bike industry.
Photo by D. Pountain
I remember it like it was yesterday.

Though as you might dare to guess, the world doesn’t just revolve around me, and this is proven day in and day out by the forever evolving mail bag.
Today we can get the party started with a short and sweet one from DPow!;

“Happy Thursday!
We’re fucking doomed, ya’ll.”

Photo by Max Ryazansky

Gawldamned if ah don’t loves me sum emails from DPaow!
They always leave me feeing hopeful.

Jesse from down SLO way (where I will be in a matter of days) emailed me with a race report of the most detailed kind;

Thought I’d write in with a short race report from last weekend’s Keyesville Classic. The picture pretty much says all that needs to be said for our good friend Jim. His frame snapped in two while going uphill on the short track course. Race officials DQ’d him from the All Mountain class where you have to use the same bike for each event (XC, short track, and DH). Jim’s freakish ability to generate torque was not disputed.
99 problems - 2.jpg
Speaking of having to use the same bike for each event. Apparently you’re allowed to change your single speed gear ratio between events even though the race website (and precedence) clearly states no parts changes. One guy in our group who shall be forever known as “The Gear Changer” exploited that by switching to a 38/11 after the XC to use in the short track. Taking the race very seriously he proceeded to dominate against everyone else’s 32/18s and 32/16s. Oh well…it was still a top notch event.

Firstly, never before has a coupler bike been so easily obtained.

Secondly, all of those numbers just make me think of middle school math class, and when I think of middle school match class, I cry.

Well, considering the fact that I am just touching down and still have to get my act together to get out of town again, I will pull the plug on today’s installment.
Not that you care, but I will soon be on my way to the upcoming San Diego Custom Bicycle Show with El Honcho Superior Pirata Fuerza of Soulcraft Bicycles (who has a new website, by the way) if for no other reason so that my man can finally learn how to weld;
Seriously, his skill with a torch is just shameful.

Hopefully there will be lots of polished chrome saddles and other random useless crap for us to behold, but assuming that that particular wad was blown on King Don’s dog and pony show, I suppose we might just have to settle on plain old custom bicycles. No bells, no whistles.. just practical, well made bikes.

I know.. What a concept..

So until Monday, I leave you with this shot from Tanner;
You can thank me later.

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Leave a Reply

12 Responses to “Digital vomit.”

  1. mw March 26, 2010 at 7:00 am #

    man, great stuff today. beautiful welds and beautiful bods!

  2. cary March 26, 2010 at 8:27 am #

    say hello to Ant Bike Mike for me.

  3. 12th Man Training Table March 26, 2010 at 8:33 am #

    We’re fucking doomed, eh?
    But the good doctor always said, fuck the doomed.
    Just put some jujitsu on that mo fo, turn it back on the world.

  4. Gypsy March 26, 2010 at 9:03 am #

    Howdy Stevil,
    I too shall be in San Diego for the aforementioned hand-made show. Unlike you, I will have to get my hair cut and tuck in my shirt while I’m there…
    Job interview…
    Just in case you didn’t know, being a full time hack writer and a part time shoe jockey is a lousy way to make a living.

  5. FunkyLaneO March 26, 2010 at 10:28 am #

    See you at the show, I’ll drop off a beer or two at the booth.

  6. Jim March 26, 2010 at 11:21 am #

    It’s innovations such as this that has me on the fast track to becoming one of America’s youngest self made millionaires.
    Stevil, the only way to become a self-made millionaire in the bike biz, is to start out a billionaire.

  7. clarky March 26, 2010 at 4:07 pm #

    “I like big butts and I cannot lie. You are brothers can’t deny…” Sorry, can’t look at that pic of Lanolin without Rumpshaker going through my head.

  8. Missler March 26, 2010 at 4:56 pm #

    Well hell yeah, Stevil at the SD show! I’ll be sure to rock my AHTBM cap in a show of solidarity/lemming-like unfliching monetary support.

  9. alex March 26, 2010 at 5:30 pm #

    the above uncredited photo of the girl texting while standing on the american flag was taken by max ryazansky. his photography can be found here:

  10. Stevil March 26, 2010 at 6:44 pm #

    Thank you Alex. I get an ongoing and random selection of imagery and general fodder though here and there is not always proper credit attached. A note has been made beneath the photo in question.

  11. matt March 28, 2010 at 2:39 pm #

    Dude! AHTBM and Poppa Chubby rock the same typeface! Check it:

  12. krafty March 30, 2010 at 10:12 am #

    Stoked to hear you will be in SD for the bike show. I’ll be helping Paul Taylor of Taylor Bicycles with his booth for the weekend so come on over for a snort or two of the Sailor Jerry… Cheers!