We are (still) family.


For today’s post, we have a treat. My former compatriots at Swobo, affectionately known as The Skipper and 6’7″ recently embarked on the kind of adventure that I love.
Why I wasn’t invited is still a bit of a mystery, but I’ll chalk it up to my general dickish nature.
Anyway, The Skipper very kindly sent me the saga, all neatly tied up, and complete with a pretty bow;
“Captain Kinevil,
Following are the essentials of this last weekend’s bold exploration of the Big Sur wilderness by myself and my associate, Dr. Aloysius Gorgonzola.
First we traveled south via motor-carriage to Arroyo Seco Campground in the expansive Los Padres National Forest. Having paid a day use fee of $7, we were granted permission to pass by the friendly but suspicious natives manning the park kiosk. After a look over the bikes and a quick change into our uniforms, we left the wagon behind us and set out on a fire road closed to motorized traffic since a series of landslides during the winter of ’94-’95.
Initially the road follows the Arroyo Seco River, a popular destination for summertime swimming (and tubing related mischief), but after a few miles veers left and begins making its way to the high country of the Santa Lucia range.
After the usual display of super-human endurance and strength of character, we found ourselves nearly topped out at an intersection of the fire road and a few hiking trails. While replenishing vital fluids and nutrients, Dr. Gorgonzola pointed out four California Condors circling above us, obviously surprised we hadn’t yet perished. I’d never had the pleasure of encounter one before. Yes, I know they’re a bit small in the the picture, but these were enormous birds identified (with the help of binoculars) by apparently effortless soaring, prominent white triangles on the underside of the wings, and long “fingers” at the tips.
Thus inspired we continued our push toward Indians campground. Throughout the course of the day I found myself amazed at the lushness of vegetation in a place I had only experienced in the dry high-90s of summer. We saw at least a dozen different types of wildflowers.
Eventually we climbed to almost alien looking rock outcropping that would serve as the terminus of this particular exploration. We committed ourselves to a thorough circumnavigation of the place during which we found a rare mountain tide-pool, constructed a caveman knife and battled hordes of burnt Manzanita.
Having more than exceeded our expectations for this stage of the mission, we decided we’d better use a bit of our time left to test the shralpability of a certain carefully carved turn. As you can plainly see, the levels are off the charts.
With only so much daylight left, we decided to save further exploration for another day and began the trek back to the wagon, and by trek I mean miles of astonishingly fast and tacky (but rock strewn) downhill.
This report is intended to promote further investigation of this kind. I can only assume that the brave and selfless efforts described above will continue to benefit the people of this land for decades to come.
Yours Truly,
Rev. Migosh Mishmash”

Now I don’t want to put words in anybody’s mouth, but from my perspective, that is the spirit on which Swobo was born. I am damn proud to see that it’s still happy, healthy, and right on track.
Believe it or not, I’ve recently received a barrage of emails concerning the little company that could as they are currently in the throes of another big shake up. I can tell you that I’m sure I don’t know anything about the specifics. What I can tell you that it is, as it has always been, planted deeply within my heart. I wish them well in their new direction, and I look forward to the prospect of one day being involved again in some capacity or another.
Even if it’s sneaking into the warehouse and pilfering candy every now and again..
Truth be told, I’ve been doing that anyway.
Anyway, rest assured that we are fam-il-y, and dare I say now even more than when I was working there.
Maybe you all are the sorts of people who frown upon the theft of candy from your former employer, and I can only say that everyone has the right to their own opinion. However much like Jason who sent me the following clip, this is the music that plays inside of my head on a continuous loop, so with that being said, anything short of committing murder has to be given a free pass;

In totally unrelated news, I got this email from Big Steve P some time ago, and lost it in my inbox about 15 seconds later;
“Proving the idea that bicycles are still cutting edge, check out the new Sauber Formula 1 car;
sauber bottle openner.jpg
Obviously the deployment of bottle openers in bicycle dropouts and seats has piqued the interest of formula 1 car designers. Now if they could only design the bottle to fit…

And to think that people might assume bicycle technology doesn’t have an impact on the world of motor sports. It’s simply preposterous, I tell you.
In regards to this photo that I had posted last week;
The man with two first names, Joe Steve did some detective work for me and sent on the inside scoop.
That is just such an incredible bummer, while at the same time being totally fascinating.
For any and all in the Southern California zone who might be looking for some non-coasting action, as well as a place to hang your flat brimmed baseball cap this weekend, I present to you this;
Just remember, bikes is bikes is bikes is bikes, and there ain’t a damn thing wrong with any of them.
Before I get onto final business, I want to post this video that was sent to me from Dennis. Now I know I have steered clear of any kind of Bacon hijinxery, because as a subject matter I just don’t find it terribly interesting any longer, but these fellows have breathed a new life into the subject;

Any kind of breakfast that can also put your eye out and/or break a window, is the kind of breakfast I would run towards first.
In closing, I want to paraphrase a conversation I had with Stroker Ace John concerning trucker hats. He said something along the lines of “I hate how all of the hipster douchebags, and Von Dutch/Ed Hardy wearing dickheads took the trucker hat away from the dirt bags and hessians who have always worn them. Well today I think we should say NO MORE! Trucker hats are ours and we need to take them back.”
I couldn’t agree with that sentiment more, so in honor of this I now present to you the very limited edition AHTBM mhesh back cap;
The time to slay the overpriced, cologne drenched and overly bedazzled dragon is now.
Oh yeah, and because I’m sure I’ve only said it about a hundred times already, don’t forget to place an order for a kit.
If anyone is curious about their own sizing, I’ve just found that Voler has an extensive sizing cart for you to look at here under the custom apparel header to the right of the page.
For example, click on ‘short sleeves’ and then follow that to the sizing chart.
Step one;
Step two;
If for some strange reason you have inadvertently given me the wrong size, let me know and I will make the adjustments.
Thank you for your time and consideration on this matter.
Hell’s balls, (yeah, that’s right. I said ‘balls’) and happy Wednesday.

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15 Responses to “We are (still) family.”

  1. rhino March 10, 2010 at 9:26 am #

    shitty shit shit. Skinny bitches (with bulging crotches) and long torsos don’t get no love!! Not sure if I need a medium or large!!

  2. Jesska Conner March 10, 2010 at 10:27 am #

    Dolce Vita loves you Stevil.

  3. d*pow March 10, 2010 at 11:16 am #

    god damn, Detroit always makes me love/hate it a little more everyday.

  4. curtis March 10, 2010 at 1:08 pm #

    1) it’s throes, not throws. right?
    2) it’s fuckin crazy that the legs pic was taken at roosevelt warehouse in detroit. that place has been featured in so many pictorials before…

  5. FunkyLaneO March 10, 2010 at 2:24 pm #

    Finding no love for my freakish proportions, I need to find a fit kit from Voler.

  6. Duncan March 10, 2010 at 3:31 pm #

    When is the AHTBM moto/BMX/downhill (i.e. no spandex) jersey coming out? Srsly.

  7. Stevil March 10, 2010 at 3:50 pm #

    My proofreader is a bit of a drinker.

  8. Crank March 10, 2010 at 4:27 pm #

    So here is the best description of the leg man. It’s lenghty, but earthy. Wholesome, yet has the smell of well worn socks on toast. http://samsaracanbefun.blogspot.com/2009/10/next-ticketindependent.html

  9. Tman March 10, 2010 at 10:49 pm #

    Trucker hats are Sooo 2006. Foam Winter Feed hats are where its at now man, High crowns and bills that you can’t sculpt into a shape that will fit into your mailbox to collect that CRP check until spring!

  10. reed March 11, 2010 at 6:11 am #

    i thought trucker hats were tres douche by 1977. but, i’m not competitive, so what do i know about fashun?

  11. Crank March 11, 2010 at 6:56 am #

    Is that Vanessa Del Rio in the middle? Ah, the classics.

  12. JP March 12, 2010 at 9:43 pm #

    Having grow up in the ‘burbs of Detroit, and knowing how bad things were there even 20-plus years ago, the only thing that surprised me about that dead guy left in the ice is that nobody took his shoes. Snake Plissken wouldn’t stand a chance there today!

  13. MikeH March 13, 2010 at 11:40 am #

    What gives with the Swobots. That’s not one of their steeds I see in the pictures. This is heresy of the first order. They make a “do all cross bike” don’t they!

  14. Stevil March 13, 2010 at 3:27 pm #

    Mike, nope, they are not. They are both riding custom Hunters which, when you get right down to it, kinda trumps any stock bike you might be able to get.

  15. MichaeltheG March 16, 2010 at 12:50 am #

    @jp Yeah, I thought the same thing about his kicks.
    @d*pow Detroit is killing me and giving me hope at the same time. While seriously sad shit is erupting, within 100 yards of that fucked up building there are two new little locally owned shops that just opened. We’ll figure out how to live in Detroit, it just won’t look much like the rest of the country.
    It’s getting a little heavy in here so, Go kick a little ass AND be good to each other. Ciao