As I type this, I’m literally peeing myself with excitement, for you see, not only have I finally gotten right with God, and I’m almost certain that Gigantesco Especial Pirata Serio and I are finally loading up the covered wagon and blowing this pop stand for points South tomorrow, but finally, on the increasingly popular website, Hot Dudes On Bikes my taste in men has finally been validated.
Not only once was said validation cemented in the history of the interwebs, but twice, with the inclusion of the steaming slab of man that is The Skipper.
Next to a website about dudes who are hot and also on bikes, and of course my website, which according to my Google Analytics, you are currently spending three to five minutes on at a time, would you like to know what the best thing on the internet is?
Of course you would.
That right there smacks of genius/terminal cabin fever, though as has always been said, there truly is a fine line between brilliance and insanity.
Besides all of the aforementioned, another reason I’m excited is that Cobra Commander has put the finishing touches on a brand new publishing platform for this here website which now will allow me to do things like this;
Rock Racing is awesome.
Pssst.. Come in close. I have a secret.
I TAKE THAT BACK. YOU SMELL LIKE CHEESE!
NO SERIOUSLY! AND NOT THE GOOD KIND OF CHEESE!
As excited as I am about all of these new bells and whistles, plus a new level of added security, I’m sure I will soon long for the constant barrage of spam comments I would have to filter through in order to get the good ones from actual people, for it was because of those that I recently settled on a suitable drunken alter-ego moniker that I’ve long sought after.
Today I declare that Stan beaver, and Victor Montenegro have found a new playmate in Foxie Bingo.
Now for your edification, here is a photo of one Foxie Bingo entertaining the crowds with his imitation of a Persian rug;
Show me a lady that wouldn’t want to break off a piece of that for her own, and I’ll show you a crazy person.
A whole different kind of sexy, but powerful none the less is the newest offering from Maximo Supremo resident and all around nice curmudgeon, Paul Price of Paul Componants with his Racer M Caliper brake;
Smooth like butter, and tasty like hambone.
The Paul Components workshop is a place where the magic happens.
Another example of precisely toned man-ness are the good people from COG Magazine, one of whom is Kevin, who recently sent an email asking for some form of sponsorship for their upcoming messenger invitational.
I replied with a stern ‘no’, but then he sent me a photo of those goddamned puppy dog eyes of his and I crumbled like a cracker.
I’m proud to have my imprint along side of such luminaries, and I can only hope that the menial contribution of a used terry cloth wristband set and my coveted poster of Leif Garret will be well received and appreciated by one of the event’s participants.
As long as we’re on the topic of what exists atop the pinnacle of sexiness, I should probably include the following shot in honor of Rock Racings heroic final sprint down the crapper;
Your eyes do not deceive you. This is a genuine Rock Racing ‘Here To Stay’ t-shirt that I bought two years ago because I knew that they were definitely not. Now while Michael Ball is chilling in his over leveraged existence, I can still have a slice of what was, to one day sell and finish paying off my community college tuition debts.
For those nay sayers, I even have some photographic evidence of the transaction, and for your edification, as well as to suit the aesthetics of my point, I have opted to make it sepia toned, and old-timey looking;
“Would you like fries with that?”
I would also like to add that I never, ever get anything that I buy put into a bag, but for this item in particular, I made an exception. Besides, I needed something in which to keep my prize hermetically sealed until the day I was able to remove it and gloat.
Not that this has anything to do with that, but another item I’d recently pulled out of a secret hiding place was my headbadge set that was made for me by Jen Green;
While I do actually have a Blue Collar that I am too lazy to install this on, I have yet to procure the frame on which the Pentabike badge will ultimately be placed, but I can say that I’ve been patiently standing by on the waiting list for the better part of two years, and was recently told by said builder that I could possibly see it before August.
Apparently the tube sets are drawn from the same tear ducts as the fabric for my my caps .
A final pieces of news is that I missed my bet that either Rod or Todd were going to be winning yesterday’s Stupid Sexy Flanders, and victory was actually snatched by the well toned hands of Mr. Fabian Cancellara;
“I credit most of my successes to my ‘Happiness Is’ angel”
“Huh.. I totally thought that was gonna end differently…”
Sadly, my Flemish sucks balls, and any English feed of the race was mysteriously unavailable, so as far as the Latvian ham radio feed was concerned, Eric Vanderaerden won yesterday’s classic.
Congratulations to Cancellara. It was a brilliant performance in a brilliant race.
Even Joe Parkin and Complayna who were in attendance this year thought so. Here they are pictured giving four enthusiastic thumbs up;
To that end, you can read all of the Cycling news, and various news outlet’s fluff pieces on the race, or you can get a first hand account here, from the aforementioned J.P.H.N.H.
“Flanders was awesome, indeed. We were at the start and then went to my favorite hill, the Eikenberg — one just before the Molenberg, where Cancellara and Boonen became anti-social. After that, we went to a café where the bartender looked like you, except she was an old lady.
At the top of the Eikenberg we bought beers from a 10 year-old named Tim. He probably made a grand yesterday. “
You see? It was like we were actually there.
I should also note that this correspondence punches a hole right in the middle of the photo of them and their thumbs, as this shot was most definitely nowhere near the Eikenberg. I hope that this does not make you question my journalistic credibility in the future.
In closing, from The Puzzler, get ready to have your mind blown;
Seriously.. Some days everything I thought I knew is ultimately proven wrong.
Alright. Here we are exactly where we were last week, with the exception that this time my head is only partially up my ass. I’ll next be posting either Monday the 12thish or Wednesday the 14thish. Don’t forget, my all time favorite race, The Hell of The North will be getting its boogie on Sunday the 11th.
Watch it in my absence, as I will most likely be busy commiserating with fellow connoisseurs of the handsome in the dank confines of a Tijuana jail.