I’m seriously serious.

You know.. Like they are in Boulder.
Photo courtesy Ritte Van Vlaanderen

As was pointed out to me several times at the end of last week, the puppet master behind the ‘Debacle In The Desert’ is relinquishing his strangle hold on the event to take on the task of moving Cross Nationals to Boulder, Colorado USA.
As Ghostship Matt pointed out, this may very well mean that under a different directive, CrossVegas might actually revert to what it was the first year it was held; A light hearted event full of fun, and camaraderie for competitors and spectators alike. Might we once again bear witness to Nat Ross and his brilliant libation snatching skills on the run up? Could we live to behold Adam Craig once again rounding the turns with a piece of pizza dangeling from his mouth? And dare I say, will it be possible that we see Molly Cameron drinking the second beer of her life while in the heat of competition?
Due to the fact that during the sophomore year of this event a few bad apples truly did spoil the bunch with what I only vaguely remember to be glaring offenses, I suspect that the law has been laid. Time will tell, and until the call for fifteen dollar cover charges, and no open containers has once again been made, I remain cautiously optimistic.
I wish Golf Clap well in his bid to show the world how seriously the sport should be taken, and I hope for everyone’s sake, all attendees follow in lockstep with his directive.
Never one to follow anyone’s rules, DPow! sent an email that has nothing to do with anything but sheer mediocrity, and the mind numbing antics of a couple contemporary musical acts.
However should said sheer mediocrity be wrapped in a body suit and American flag cape, I’m game;
“Just in case anyone missed the aforementioned Ke$ha performance:

Which is perhaps the best live performance from someone I’ve never heard from ever.”

In response, John drew the line, and laid it all out on top;
“Your mind: prepare to have it blown
1) Ke$ha says what if we’re the aliens?
2) Brokencyde are from New Mexico
3) Arizona has apparently lost its collective mind and wants to keep out illegal aliens.
4) Ke$ha says what if we’re the aliens?
Brokencyde is from NM and NM is next to AZ
5) AZ, yer totally fucked now.”

I’ll let you take a minute to collect your brains from the floor.
She’s a sage of wisdom, that Ke$ha is.
Life around these parts found me handling an assortment of chores, not the least of which was putting the finishing touches on a piece I wrote for the upcoming issue of Bike Monkey Magazine (it took me about 15 minutes to write and three weeks to edit), stripped my beloved Hunter mountain bike for repaints and repairs;
-spent a fair amount of time wheeling around with Jordi, Alex and Brij;
(As I’ve been battling a spring cold for the last two weeks, I was reluctant to go out with them. Each of them is no slouch on a bike. Fortunately for me, on their side there was an array of fatigue, and hangovers, so the playing field was reasonably level.)
and also witnessed a bunch of grown men in stretchy pants and tap shoes laying around on the ground;

Now, before the cops get here, I suppose we should throw out a couple of emails, the first being the standard dash of brilliance from The Snakehawk;
“Fucking pin it, bro. Find that piece and you’ve found forever.”
Believe me, this is a truth I know all too well. The next time I find impossible ridiculousness in sweater form, I am going to hold on to it with both hands and never let it go;
I dare not bring up the saga relating to the clown sweater again, because it just hurts too badly. I suppose if any of you don’t recall the story, and ask nicely, I will face my demons and tell the tale again…
The moral is, if you love something, don’t set it free. Attack it with a choke hold so it can never escape.
Someone who understands this all too well is my old friend Dan from Shifter Bikes. This bit of news is months old at this stage, but then again, I suppose if you were really interested in timely reports about factual events, you would look elsewhere. Anyhow, the point is Dan’s relocated his studio, and after piles of trials and tribulations the past year, has finally landed on his feet;
As it turns out, I get more invitations to come visit friends in Melbourne than I do to see my own parents. One of these days, I really have to bite the bullet and roll through for a spell.
And by ‘one of these days’ I mean this fall sometime. I can almost guarantee it..
Finally, from our friend Kevin at Cog Magazine, we get a heads up on these;
As I told Kevin regarding the Trackosaurus buttons, I don’t really feel like the track bike needs saving. Messengers on the other hand.. That’s a sentiment I can get behind.
Ok retards, and rettardettes, I’m up and out. High five your asses for me.

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17 Responses to “I’m seriously serious.”

  1. Adam Myerson May 10, 2010 at 4:56 am #

    The real dirt on Vegas is that Grealish is splitting with promotion business partner Brook Watts. In the divorce, Watts gets Vegas, Grealish gets Boulder Cup.

  2. Stevil May 10, 2010 at 5:09 am #

    Hm.. Curious. So how committed to seriousness is Watts then?

  3. steve young May 10, 2010 at 5:44 am #

    time check?

  4. Jim May 10, 2010 at 6:10 am #

    Stevil, there’s only one way to find out, preferably while wearing a skinny, trucker moustached Elvis costume.

  5. HMC May 10, 2010 at 7:51 am #

    Looking forward to seeing you in Melbourne Stevil.

  6. fomenter May 10, 2010 at 9:27 am #

    bring that Hunter on your visit to see Weird Al and Rick Springfield.

  7. LJ May 10, 2010 at 10:14 am #

    Well….I was pretty happy not knowing WTF a Ke$ha was….glad to see SNL is keeping up its musical standards

  8. Adam Myerson May 10, 2010 at 10:39 am #

    Hard to say. He was certainly the sane one in the relationship, and the one who was putting the mad professor’s vision into actual practice behind the scenes.
    The “seriousness” comes mostly from the officials, not the organizers. I dunno if that was all Grealish’s doing.
    I’d say Brook will primarily be interested in the most successful UCI race he can put on, within the rules, without losing the spirit of the event. Personally, I’ve enjoyed working with him and find him reasonable.

  9. Stevil May 10, 2010 at 12:13 pm #

    Adam, I would direct you to a near blow-by-blow account of my exchange on said topic with Chris, but The Bummer Life Archives are all balled up right now. Suffice it to say, the quote of “I don’t know how you do it in The Bay Area with your ‘fun races’, but in Boulder we take cyclocross seriously” was straight from the horse’s mouth, and not embellished by me in the least.

  10. Adam Myerson May 10, 2010 at 12:21 pm #

    Sadly, I believe it. We’ve all had our run-ins with said race organizer. I have a nice e-mail archive of them. Eventually I only dealt with Brook as a result.

  11. Stevil May 10, 2010 at 1:13 pm #

    I am sitting on a brilliant communiqué between him and Greg Randolph, but like a fine wine, it’s aging for just the right day.

  12. d*pow May 10, 2010 at 4:29 pm #

    Being a fan of both said race promoter and choppers work, I cannot wait for that day to come.

  13. idawg May 10, 2010 at 10:23 pm #

    i find Ke$ha’s jumpsuit very unflattering – not that it would look good on me, either.
    did you miss the ‘acoustic’ oxbow set on friday in san francisco, btw? i did.
    red fang tonight at b.o.t.h., am i there? no, i am at home. thanks for saking.

  14. Tee May 11, 2010 at 12:49 pm #

    New Mexico, not much better than the old one! WTF was that, ha ha ha. I couldnt make it ten seconds on that video and Ki$ha, umm, is she fifteen? Lip sink O’roma. It’s a day later and I am still picking up my brains from the floor. Ridiculousness! Ha Ha Ha Ha

  15. Jim May 12, 2010 at 5:36 am #

    I get the fun thing. We had a little too much fun at a race I promote last year and some of the tifosi were getting a little out of hand. That said, I’m trying to figure out how to keep Teh Seriousoness from putting the bummer on the 80% of racers who know they won’t get a whiff of the podium, but who want to go hard and leave smiling.

  16. Seve May 14, 2010 at 1:37 pm #

    Anything to do with the brilliant shit bike parade lap?

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