Writer’s block; Nothing a little technological sabotage won’t cure.


Not that I was feeling that balled up, but there have been a couple of times lately when I sat down at my desk, cracked my knuckles, took a sip of whatever and drew a blank.
…Or fired a blank.
Totally up to you as to which phrase you would prefer.
Anyway, shortly after I published Wednesday’s post, I came to find out that someone had nefariously snuck their way into the back end of my store, and begun redirecting funds paid into their own personal Pay Pal account. After several panicked phone calls to Pay Pal, and Cobra Commander, and at least as many apologetic emails to some customers, I have things sorted out. However I do have a message to the would-be recipient of my hard-earned monies;
I am but a humble schlub trying to make his way in a world of sharks. I don’t take kindly to people stealing the few hard earned scraps from my mouth.
You’re crafty, and I have to give that to you, but should fate ever (and I mean ever. I have an uncanny ability to hold grudges) find us in the same place at the same time, you are going to learn quickly that bad karma would be preferable to what sorts of unpleasantness I am capable of delivering. I have an email address, therefore I have your I.P address. With this information you are just a couple of steps from my grasp, and a plane ticket cross country to deliver what you have coming is a small price to see your blood on the ground.
This is no hollow threat. This is a promise.
Now then, let’s get on with things, shall we?
Aside from the aforementioned unpleasantness, Wednesday found an amazing surprise in the form of a comment regarding the photo that I posted of GSD. As it turns out, it was a photograph by one J. Grant Brittain and I was corrected on that point by none other than the man himself;
I don’t know whether he has a super computer sitting on his desk alerting him of every time someone posts one of his photographs, or perhaps just a finely tuned sixth sense for such things, but I was thrilled that he should have found himself here on this site. For those who might not be aware, what Mr. Brittain did for the world of skateboard photography is akin to what Charles Peterson did for the Seattle music scene’;
Or what Glen E. Friedman did for hip hop, punk rock, skateboarding, and youth culture in general.
And of course what Graham Watson has done for Bicycle racing;
To have him grace these pages was particularly exciting for me simply due to the fact that for over three decades, I have seen through his eyes. From a young age I poured over skateboard magazines, and devoured every image he shot (figuratively, not literally.) I studied the form, and the composition, and dreamt of a day that I might see similar action from behind my own camera. To have him breeze through here is an honor, and I thank him for the privilege.
In an effort to clear my head and digest all that had been laid on my plate, I jumped on my mountain bike and headed for points away. It’s always amazing to me how spending a few meditative hours in the woods by one’s self can clear out the cobwebs and quell the demons;
What previously seems like insurmountable tasks and unprocessable emotional baggage dissolves like sugar in the rain. It could be credited to the layered and sometimes almost deafening song of the birds, or cool breeze in my ears, though I suspect the eye-crossing fire in my legs and general paralyzing fear of falling in a Poison Oak bush might be more suitably credited.
When pared, the bicycle and your body are two amazing tools.
Like any tool, it should be used, and through use, can sometimes lead to abuse. Case in point, the following clip of the previously mentioned Slaughterama that was sent to me from Eric;
“If you don’t get an unplugged handlebar shoved through your abdomen, I would call it a success!”

It makes my wrists ache and my liver itch just thinking about it.
And speaking of itchy livers, Lucho Carlos Alberto Del Castillo Cabeza De Vaca from Cycling Inquisition sent this to me, that I like to call ‘Hillbilly Still Life’;
“Came upon this while riding to work just days ago. I love the artistic composition, as well as the tasteful selection of items. Southern Comfort t-shirt, bottle of Bud…and an Aerosmith cassette. Does anything in the world say “fun” like those three things combined? I think not.”
I appreciate the proof that somebody was having a good time. It’s like an anthropological study of white trash.
As we begin to wind down, I want to mention that the powers that be over at Bike Monkey Magazine have sent the official notification that the new issue should be arriving to their (and hopefully shortly thereafter, your) hot little hands directly;
This issue will be debuting my almost official foray into the world as a printed writer, so be sure to pick up a copy, as my efforts are almost guaranteed to underwelm. Or totally blow your mind. Or both in succession.
From Tobie, I get an offer I can’t refuse;
Post this or else…

Tobie’s words cut just like I know his knife would.
The news is old by now, but Ritte’s Crossberg is bad ass;
What I could do with a bike like that.
Initially “continue to come in last, and get so drunk I forgot where I put it” comes to mind, but beyond that, I think we might develop a special understanding with one another.
Now that the sun is setting on today’s journey into the recesses of the underworld, I thank you once again for your patronage at the market, and remind you that shoplifters will be leaving a hand behind.

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18 Responses to “Writer’s block; Nothing a little technological sabotage won’t cure.”

  1. velorambling May 14, 2010 at 7:21 am #

    Theres’s a special BAD place for those that would steal from Stevil. A BAD BAD Place. May they find themselves there.

  2. mechanic matt May 14, 2010 at 7:40 am #

    There is a special hell for those who hack your money. How good does it really feel to steal from the little guy.
    Love your blog, more unicorn shit please.

  3. Ghostship Matt May 14, 2010 at 7:55 am #

    If by “and a plane ticket cross country” you mean somewhere in New England, lemme know. There’s a crew of dirt-bag bike riders that are pretty pissed about the recent rain and cold weather that’s been inhibiting their ability to ride. I’m sure that given the chance to unleash the pent up frustration, all we’d have to do it point them in said direction, whisper ‘go’ and watch things unfold.

  4. matt May 14, 2010 at 8:05 am #


  5. Patbastard May 14, 2010 at 8:10 am #

    The only element missing from the “southern comfort” photo is two “NEK-ID” kissin’ cousins, er, bro and sis… whichever.
    Oh that’s right, Uncle-daddy is out scurring up sum vittles in the form of roadkill ‘coons. Mmm-boy, now tha’s sum fine dinin’.

  6. Case May 14, 2010 at 8:18 am #

    Those are my parts on that Crossberg…sweet!

  7. sinn fein May 14, 2010 at 8:43 am #

    Frontside Rock & Roll….rad.

  8. Spencer May 14, 2010 at 9:12 am #

    Why can’t roadies have parties like that? Ritte may have to make a joust-specific bike now.

  9. JP May 14, 2010 at 9:16 am #

    Few things would be as pleasurable as the right-solid pounding of a thief…..

  10. irishpunk59 May 14, 2010 at 9:33 am #

    if the fuck is from SW Pennsylvania let me know, friends there, they dont ride bikes well bikes but with motors and they would love to kick some dumb yinzer ass

  11. MichaeltheG May 14, 2010 at 9:42 am #

    Tallbike Jousting is to cycling as BeerFever-dreams are to nap time.
    As for thieving bastard who hacked your monies, You want we should apply the Clamps?

  12. cary May 14, 2010 at 9:45 am #

    anyone stupid enough to hack into your broke ass paypal account has to be easy to find. I think you have an idea for a new contest.

  13. greg fish May 14, 2010 at 11:10 am #

    2 things:
    –the mag looks better than usual when it’s on your blog
    –when you gonna pass around that dickbag’s email and IP address? we’ve got ideas over here.

  14. d*pow May 14, 2010 at 11:40 am #

    There is something about those tall carbon rims on that Ritte bike, the giant ATTACK ATTACK. Just kinda does it for me.

  15. Anonymous May 14, 2010 at 3:27 pm #

    “Frontside Rock & Roll….”
    Rad, yes. But that’s Chris Miller doing a bad-ass, tweaked frontside air high above the lip of the pool.

  16. IglebikePartsguy May 14, 2010 at 4:51 pm #

    Yeah who does a grab in the middle of a rock’n’roll. That is certainly BIG AIR. Very cool photo.

  17. ian May 14, 2010 at 9:55 pm #

    that’s the best picture of chris miller, ever. from the pro spotlight in transworld, maybe 1988 or something? great/weird perspective, totally illustrates what a crazy vert skater he is. i saw him ride the palo alto park once and my jaw was on the ground.

  18. OBXJay May 15, 2010 at 4:17 pm #

    Post the douchebags email.
    I know people.