A dream therapist/advice columnist by any other name…
As far as that is concerned, as it turns out the following email from Uma ends up good practice for my pending advice column for BIKE Magazine.
Last night I dreamed a terrible dream. My bike had been stolen right out from under my nose while waiting for the boat which would ferry me to epic and awesome (and legal) singletrack. Upon realizing the bike was missing, I jumped off the ferry, tucked and rolled onto the dock, all parcouer stylie and proceeded to search for the thief. Kick his ass I would! I even had custom ass-kicking boots like Trinity from The Matrix for the job. I was getting close but this wicked Stephen King-like fog rolled in, much like my ride with some out-of-town friends on Mt St Helen’s last weekend;
With visibility was reduced to about 15 feet, and an irrational fear of suddenly being eaten alive by zombies, all hope of finding the ass to kick was lost. I awoke, sobbing and howling, terrorizing the cat who had been dozing sweetly. Screaming “noooooo!” I jumped out of bed, and ran naked and half-asleep into the living room/bike stable to assure myself all bikes were present and accounted for.
Experts say dreams of being naked in public indicate there’s a fear of being exposed (uh, duh) or being out of control. But what does it mean when you wake up crying and screaming and running naked, half-asleep, to check on your bike? Ever since the city council decision to crush our dreams of singletrack in Forest Park I haven’t been sleeping well. What’s a girl to do?
I know you’re not a dream expert, but you seem rather wizard-like with your piercing insight into all things bike-y, and you did accurately predict that I would–against all odds–embrace the ways of the singlespeed so can you help a sister out and decode these omens for me? My cat thanks you.
The short version is that I suspect you are harboring residual resentment and disappointment regarding the recent developments in Forest Park, and rightfully so. Until the park managers pry their heads from within the confines of where the sun tends to not shine, you have to quench your hunger for terra firma in any other way possible.
Secondly, and unless you’re G.G. Allin (rest his soul) fear of being exposed and/or out of control is all part of the human condition. The trick is learning to manage it.
Lastly, a mini lock and cable around your quiver (even if they are locked inside) will put all fears to rest, and you can finally enjoy a sleep of the marginally innocent.
“Lock your bikes, even when they are locked inside?” you might be saying.. better that than to be in Gavin’s shoes.
Last week I had two bikes stolen from a Hillsborough, CA garage – a 2007 Ibis Mojo and a 2008 Retrotec Twin. I’ve attached the police flyer, which lists the contact info. for the fuzz (Hillsborough Police Inspector P.Gould (650) 375-7455 or Corporal P. Scatena (650) 375-7598; Hillsborough Police Dept. – Investigations (650) 375-7470). Call them or I’d be happy with a citizens arrest via knuckle sandwich, helmet to helmet contact, etc.
Now that I’ve again lost faith in humanity, I need to bring the responsible thieving scum to justice in order to keep from turning to a life of crime myself. Its really not about recovering the bikes at this point – would be nice though – its about vengeance, retribution, reckoning, jail time.”
I forwarded this flyer on to Curtis, to which he replied, “I do not make that many bikes, but there sure has been a bunch of them ripped off.”
Sadly I too am in that club. Several years ago I had my cobalt blue metal flake one speed Retrotec (WTB saddle and grease guard BB, Surly Torsion bars, and hubs, Thompson stem and seat post, King Headset, Caramba Double barrel cranks, Kinesis rigid fork) stolen right outta under my nose.
Damn thieves obviously have great taste.
This next bit has everything to do with the theft of one’s beloved, inasmuch as theft has anything to do with one of Chicago’s greats finally getting their acts together, which of course is very little. The band that I am referring to is the mighty (depending on who you ask) Urge Overkill;
It would seem as though they are making murmurings concerning a long overdue return trip to the studio, after a recent show at new York’s Mercury Lounge;
“King” Roeser channeling his best Meatloaf.
For the uninitiated the band’s legacy consists solely of their easily digestible (see: extraordinarily catchy) Empty V hit ‘Sister Havana‘, as well as the Neil Diamond cover of ‘Girl, You’ll Be a Woman Soon’ that was made popular in 1994’s ‘Pulp’ Fiction’.
However, for those in the know, they had a far more prolific career that existed before they became media darlings and fell headlong down the rabbit hole of fame, drugs and non existent self control;
A fun fact about the above video is that the fellow in the white hat playing bass is none other than Philly’s own Chuck Treece. His song ‘Weakness’ was pretty much the soundtrack of my much younger self.
Of the myriad of live musical performances I’ve seen over the last three decades, Urge Overkill stands out among the best of them
Anyway, it’s good to see that the sharpest dressed men in the music biz are back on the proverbial trolly, and I can only hope that this, like many in the past won’t prove to be yet another false start.
Like Chicago, Detroit not only has a great music scene, but they have a powerfully burgeoning underground bike scene as well, as proven in this link that’s been making the rounds sent to me by David for the upcoming rumble in the jungle that is The Thunderdome;
Uncovering the relics of a recent past to use as their own playground. Ain’t a damn thing wrong with that.
In closing, you all might remember back last Febuary when I originally debuted the amazing oddity that is Die Antwoord;
Well, they are back with their newest offering, ‘Evil Boy’, which by the way, is generally not safe for sensiteevos, or viewing at work.
That is of course unless you don’t care, then go ahead and get busy;
You can love them or hate them, but it’s best that they not be ignored.
From my severely limited perspective, that’s advice that anyone can follow.