A post almost entirely dedicated to the beautiful people.

And why else would we kick such a post off without photos of the always fetching Newt illustrating that even elite level cyclists can ruin races;
Photos by Paul M.

They’re just sometimes their own.
Ken, (who was responsible for Monday’s eye-rape that was Tammie Sue Benson-Whitehead), also sent me the following clip that is a feast for the eyes as well as the ears;

Yes indeed, those Rapha folk do make some tasty looking videos, but interestingly, it’s come to light that if their photographers or videographers can’t make the ride, neither do they.
Case in point comes from Case o’ Beer;
This happened way back on September 11th, when you were still young. I thought I’d give you a run down since this ride was the reason I didn’t make it out to ruin everyone’s peeler experience with you and crew.
The folk from Velo Dirt have been searching the Northwest and beyond for amazing gravel and dirt road biking experiences. This year’s research culminated in the Oregon Stampede, a ride of seemingly (according to rumor and the website status) ever changing length, difficulty and participation. Now, since this is a “ride” and not a “race” (a race is supported and has sanctioning and all that useless shit) the organizers asked that their rider cap of 75 be respected and not to inundate the roads with poachers, though the ride was free. So my hearty team mates and I ordered up, Team Beer would represent over 10% of the start list and would vie for the nonexistent Team Classification award. Showing up to the start at 7:00 for the riders meeting we realized that there certainly weren’t 75 people there. In fact, 26 of the 75 had dropped out at the last minute for various reasons, some good, some sad.
At 7:30 in the am we set out and were well on our way, one of the guys from Velo Dirt caught a photo of us in all our teamy glory during the day’s first major climb (it was much bigger than the photo attests I can assure you). I was constantly shoving food in my mouth and putting water down, it wasn’t hot but this ride was going to certainly be longer than my previous longest ride of 74 miles. Yeah, never even done a real century and now I’m going to do it on a course that’s 70% gravel road. I’m a total fucking chump to agree to this. But agree to it I did and there’s no turning back when you have 7 team mates there to encourage you all day (and by the end, night too),
stampede 284.jpg
Cut to the end. In the fading light we sent James and Clint, our actual fast guys, off the front to collect the cars and possibly meet us. Our last 14 miles were ridden in complete darkness, with only 2 little Beamer lights for the 6 of us and no moon to ride by. Fortunately this was the middle of nowhere and the starlight gave a pale reflection of the silver thread of a track during our 6 mile gravel decent described on the cue sheet as “treacherous”. I would have described it as “fucking amazing” or “whatever I think I’m doing it’s awesome” or “I’m doing 25 in complete darkness, not I can cross that off my list”. At the bottom we were exhilarated with our feat and eventually ran into the cars. After a tough day 3 of us turned in and jumped in the cars, however John Howe (the Team Beer Spokes model **stampede_079 Steve**) would have nothing of it. So John, Taylor (one of our newest members) and I soldiered on for the last 6 miles, there was no way we just rode 121 miles only to catch a ride for the last 6. Fortunately James drove behind us to give light for the remaining roadway.
11.5 hours in the saddle, 13.5 hours on course, 127 miles, ~88 miles of gravel, 9521 feet of climbing, and the nonexistent Team Classification (we did have 5 riders finish, that’s TdF style right there!).
stampede 079.jpg
I would like to personally thank the Rapha Continental team for not showing up and challenging for the Team Classification. If it weren’t for the 10 of you calling in less than 24 hours before the start and not coming because your photographer had a scheduling conflict we would have had to ride much harder than we did. Thanks for not doing anything unless someone’s taking your picture doing it.
See you next year maybe, you totally missed out this year.
Matt Case o’ Beer”

Amazing. One, that a bunch of derelicts actually completed that ride, and two… the bit about Rapha.
Pretty boys modeling club.
Another pretty boy, who happens to also live up there in Minneapolis West is my old friend CD. As I mentioned on Monday regarding the city’s Forest Park trail access debacle, CD has been one of the tireless few hunkered deep within the trenches, attempting to make this thing happen. He sent me an email that is an interesting read and chock full of info. I took the liberty of adding a couple of visuals in consideration for those of you with ADD;
It’s easy to get lost in the notion that Portland is a two-wheeled paradise. What many people outside of Portland do not know (or even hear about) is the lack of urban off-road riding opportunity. My office sits next to Forest Park on the northwestern edge of the city. At 5100 acres, it is among the largest urban parks in the country. While there are endless fire roads and all sorts of hiking only trails, the total distance of bicycle singletrack is 0.27 miles. That’s 1425 feet. It’s over before you even know you’ve started.
I’ve been here 6 years and in that time I’ve worked on a number of off-road advocacy projects with very little progress. Last week we received word from the City of Portland that there will be no improvements made to the off-road riding opportunities in Forest Park. I sat on the Forest Park Singletrack Advisory Committee for ten grueling months with some smart people as well as some of the very worst I’ve come across in 18 years of bicycle advocacy. Yesterday I was told that we’d have to give it more time, wait another two years is what I was told for the fourth time since I’ve lived here. I need your help. I need you to help me add some tarnish to our undeserved Platinum status. 5100 acres of park with 0.27 miles of singletrack.
I have never felt as if what I was proposing was radical. Cities across the country and around the world have made tremendous strides in the past six years. All while Portlanders were patting themselves on the back. I want to ride to where I ride. I want to be a good steward of this great resource. I want to meet the evolving recreational needs of this growing city. The City of Portland does not and has not. Our city has a phrase plastered on all city vehicles – “The City That Works.” It should read, “The City That Meets.”
Commissioner Nick Fish spoke of several other exciting projects to fill in the need but these projects are still years and years away. One is simply a 30 acre parcel with a pump track and a cross course. Hardly a substitute for a 90-minute singletrack experience. And that’s the problem, there’s little to no knowledge of what mountain biking is and who does it by those in the Parks Department. I’ve sat on the committee for that specific park project for over 3.5 years and we are no closer today than at the start.
I received a lot of messages of condolence since the announcement. Several of my friends and co-workers know how much time was invested into the Forest Park plan and how emotionally charged it had been. Despite not having anything taken away there is a huge sense of loss. And now I’m just angry. I can be this positive force for improvement or I can go on a negative campaign to strip Portland of it’s prominence. What I think will really happen is that I’ll ignore the City of Portland and spend my personal and professional resources supporting cities such as Zurich, Philadelphia, New York, Chattanooga, Boulder, Richmond, Tempe, and Minneapolis. Minneapolis recently earned #1 status as the country’s best bike city. Portland, it seems, is intent on losing positions on that list. Great first step…
Bike Portland’s Coverage
A response from the Northwest Trail Alliance.
I’d love a big blast and all the comments that would come with it. Feel free to do the editorial in your own voice and use my little nuggets as you wish. Find out what these people have to say:
Tom Archer – President of the NWTA
Jonathan Maus – BikePortland.org
Andy Clarke – President of the LAB
Nick Fish – City Commissioner

It’s quite easy to take for granted having access to open space, but when you see quite literally, what an uphill battle some regions face, it hopefully will inspire folks to either lend a hand, or become more proactive within their own community.
A false sense of sole entitlement doesn’t just belong to hikers and equestrians. Cyclists are just as guilty of that, the only difference being that we came along later and have to constantly fight for our spot at the table.. What I am afraid will happen (if it isn’t already) is that cyclists will get fed up with the bureaucracy and just go ahead barge the trails anyway.
This only undermines all of the work that people like CD have put in to making trails there a reality, and remember, this isn’t specific to just Portland. This is occurring all over the country.
There’s no easy way to sum this up so I will simply segue to photos of chicks;
Niki from Mobius Cycle sent an email to let us know who reigned supreme in her recent ho-down;
“Hey Stevil! I know how you love to support Ladies with Ovaries, so I thought maybe you’d want to spread the news…not only did every fast racer in ten years of Seattle Messenger History show up, but a bunch of incredibly tough to beat new kids too.
To no avail, Queen Ayda Smoked them all!
She beat all my heroes and promptly replaced them as the ultimate Rain City Core Whore! Check out the the story!
Thanks Stevil, all the Ladies I know think you’re the hottest…at least I know I do!
Niki Hurley
Mobius Cycle”

On the chance that any of y’all have ever wondered what I think the best kind of email to get in the morning is?
It’s that kind.
Lastly, at the risk of derailing the beautiful people theme of this post, and email from Captain Dave;
Now I’ll let you digest that for a second.
As I provided on Monday, in the case of Tammie Sue Benson-Whitehead, I offer the same consideration for James E. Eggleston;
James E.jpg
Print these out, clip them, and when your friends aren’t looking, tape them over the photos on their IDs.
It’s a prank that even beautiful people can appreciate.

Spread this like it's sick

Leave a Reply

10 Responses to “A post almost entirely dedicated to the beautiful people.”

  1. dd October 6, 2010 at 12:44 pm #

    “fed up with the bureaucracy and just go ahead barge the trails anyway” Why not? That is the way this country was founded. Down with diplomacy if they can’t reason. Build some huckers and have some fun.

  2. Stevil October 6, 2010 at 12:50 pm #

    The ‘why not’ is the sentence following the one you quoted.

  3. fomenter October 6, 2010 at 12:50 pm #

    that sucks for Portland, dirt is tasty and nutritious – good for the soul. as was that segue.

  4. Milkshake October 6, 2010 at 12:54 pm #

    If you are a Portlander who loves the dirt, this would be a positive way to express your dissatisfaction with the process. NWTA says it best: We ride. We care. We share.

  5. B-Shizzle October 6, 2010 at 7:44 pm #

    What’s really sad is that this is “Minneapolis West”, when (in fact) we in the real MSP have a sweet in-town park called Theo Wirth with totally supported/sanctioned single track. Suck it , Portland! http://www.minneapolisparks.org/default.asp?PageID=4&parkid=448

  6. Stevil October 6, 2010 at 9:24 pm #

    B-Shizzle, You may have missed due props for your fine city’s hard work right here. https://allhailtheblackmarket.com/2010/10/monda.html

  7. reverend dick October 6, 2010 at 10:37 pm #

    +1 for crashing the party. Fuck em if they can’t take a joke. I’ll ride them trails with a head on my shoulders and be respectful of others…but I WILL RIDE THEM.

  8. alx October 7, 2010 at 11:06 am #

    I think the skateboarders had it right – just do it illegally until they get sick enough of you they give you your own parks. At least that’s the way it worked in Portland.

  9. Broseph October 7, 2010 at 12:26 pm #

    Stevil, if you had a dollar for every post that motivated me to get off my ass and go for a ride, you would have enough money to get a lot of booze. Thanks.

  10. Tom October 7, 2010 at 7:17 pm #

    I suppose it is both reassuring and sad to see that others struggle with the same issues.
    In Boulder, the accolades are for bike paths and lanes. Which are nice, but they aren’t singletrack that you can ride from town. The resistance from the entitled continues. I suppose the difference is that, in Boulder, it appears there is more support from the establishment for change.
    In the meantime, we have a pump track / cross circuit on the way (serious cyclocross, of course).