Nut punches and high fives from every direction.


Buckle your seatbelt lady and gentleman. The three of us are in for a bumpy ride. Today’s post is a lengthy one that will have you mildly amused one minute and slightly aggravated the next.
First up from someone whose name begins with ‘J’ I think, (but am not sure because I’m fairly unorganized and have since lost the original email), comes a photo of local super hero and master wrench Glenn Fant about to drop the hammer on some guy named Levi, who apparently is sometimes a pretty good bike rider;
They make ’em strong up there in the Northern North Bay.
Now then, it’s only appropriate that I kick today’s post off with a photo of bears because if I know one thing about their kind, it’s that they like honey, and if things continue as they are, is something we will soon be without.
Apparently from a recent wire leak, it has come to light that the EPA has screwed us in a big way.
Curtis, who is an insightful young man and generally has some pretty valid insight on matters such as these sent me an email concerning this very matter;
Good: the article states that the EPA had witheld approval for usage of the pesticide on additional types of agriculture until the lifecycle study had been re-checked, and they released the study to him without much effort… so one could make the argument that this would have come out and been dealt with regardless. It would have come out waaaay late, but that’s how just about everything works when it comes to the gov’t and toxic ag chemicals, from agent orange to ddt to methyl bromide. But I don’t use this chemical, and I don’t think its authorized for use in my specific industry (landscape ag) so at least that’s a big chunk of the industry overall that isn’t spreading it around.
Bad: bees are incredibly sensitive and wonderful little creatures. To me, they are the parakeet in the ag mine, and they (western honey bee) will probably disappear in n. America within our lifetime. Unfortunately, I doubt they would survive even if this pesticide was taken off the market. The way we farm them and use them to pollinate our orchards, for instance, is the definition of unsustainable. Couple that with the fact that there are tons of other legal chemicals that are extremely toxic to the bees and we’re looking at a situation that’s, well, fucked.
The one last little positive is that I think santa cruz is an area that’s actually pretty friendly for bees due to smaller orchards and offseason flowers.
No double rainbows on this one…

I would have been satisfied with even a half of a single rainbow.
The reason I bring issues like this up here, is that I have found that I have a bit of a platform to speak from. Should an item such as this cross my desk, I feel a certain sense of duty to help spread the word. I also should go on record and say that I have an increasing appreciation for Julian Assange and his WikiLeaks, as previously held information that in many regards should be public knowledge, is finally being made so.
It’s just another example of the government not necessarily having the public’s best interest at heart, further proving that a day when we have to take care of ourselves first is close at hand. If knowledge is indeed power, in times like these, we can use all that we have access to.
Besides using this ‘platform’ for information exchange on topics that are unpleasant, albiet necessary, I also regularly feel inspired to utilize it in making sure folks are aware of other highly crucial intelligence, such as this bit lifted from Newt;
So there you have two high fives and one nut punch in rapid succession.
It’s a literal roller coaster of emotion here at the Black Market. I promise and I deliver.
Last week, just before I received and then declined an invitation to ride with Mark Cavendish, in an attempt at soothing what he assumed would be a bag of jangled nerves, AK sent me the following text;
“While you are riding with Cavendish, if you need some levity, think of my four year old daughter’s obsession with him. An obsession that now manifests itself in her asking her mother to draw him with the following stipulations:
Missing a limb, a shirt with a raindow on it, and shorts with goldfish on them.”

And then I got the email;
Kids really do say the darndest things, though in her defense, this was exactly what The Missile was wearing on the day of our meeting.
And as per the title of today’s post, along comes another hay makers to the soft sack with a new development in the Vail Hit and Run case that I’ve been blathering about since the story broke. If you are unfamiliar with the case, do your home work. If you know what I’m talking about, then get ready to exclaim your “WHAT THE HELLS!?”
It almost makes Dan White’s Twinkie defense seem reasonable in comparison.
In late breaking news from Corey, as this saga develops, and excuse my French, it only gets more and more fucked up.
Finally in yesterday’s hearing at the Eagle County courthouse, the icing got put on the cake.
Martin Erzingersucks.jpg
I assume by this time you are quadrupled over in pain, so in light of that may I offer you another high five?
On a recent rainy day I got busy with some photo albums and a scanner. What transpired wasn’t Cash4Gold kinda gold, but rather, a whole ‘nother kind;
There are stories behind the stories behind the stories behind these shots, but sometimes it’s just best to let the images do the talking while you sit quietly in observance;
And that is what I did on my summer vacation.
I’m gonna keep the good times rolling here, cause frankly I barely can take any more grim news today. From esteemed advertisers and former employer, Swobo, I received a notification concerning the kinds of stocking stuffers that any shade of bike nerd would get small pants for;
For the record, for the better part of six months I put both these arm and knee warmers through the absolute ringer.
It would be easy to say that I only tout the purchase of goods from a company simply because they pay to be on my site. The fact of the matter is that of the items which are made from this ThermoGnar, the warmers in particular, are among the finest I’ve ever used. How can something so thin, be so insulative?
Plus the knee warmers don’t fall down, and that all by itself gets a big fat star in my book.
Other items that would get a star (fat or otherwise) regardless of whether or not they grace me with their presence on the Maximo Supremo side bar, are from the good people at Portland Design Works (who I understand are considering a name change to ‘Minneapolis West Design Works’). One of the top dogs over there of course is DPow! who thoughtfully sends me items with some regularity, the content of which is generally anything but regular;
“Look out for this dude.”
Somebody should tell Drunk Octopus that he has to get in line.
In a final gesture of high fiving, I gotta give it to my man Todd Wells for his recent victory at last weekend’s Nationally Recognized Cyclocross Styled Athletic Pursuit;

Well done, son. You are a pro’s pro.
In closing, we’ll part ways with a sock to the goods seemingly almost specifically designed for me. You see, eleven, or twelve or possibly thirteen years ago, while visiting a friend in Minneapolis West, I spied this magnificent sweater on the floor of a friend’s apartment. I gasped.. “where did you get that?”
“Oh, it belongs to a friend of mine.. He left it in my car a few weeks ago.”
“How could anyone let that out of their site for even a moment?” I wondered to myself. “If it were mine, I don’t think I would ever take it off.”
That night at dinner, I began discussing the sweater again. A pretty brown haired girl seated next to me interjected, “Oh, that’s mine. (The guy who left it on the car’s floor) borrowed it from me. Do you like it?”
“Yes.. Yes, very much.” I stammered.
Placing her hand on top of mine she said, “then you can have it.”
Just then my meal of fried chicken, collard greens, and red beans and rice arrived, and along with it, a 40 ounce bottle of beer, tucked neatly in a bucket of ice. As I began to marvel at the majesty of these developments, Black Sabbath’s ‘Paranoid’ began playing and didn’t stop until the record’s conclusion.
After dinner we went home, and the pretty brown haired girl and I fell asleep on the floor wrapped up in one another’s arms.
To say that my initial introduction to this sweater was noteworthy is an understatement, or that my appreciation of it is slight, a terrible misjudgment.
To say that Urban Outfitters can take a damned leap into a steaming pile of crap would be just about right on point.
F U Urban outfitters. Stay out of my closet and stay out of my head, you co-opting, cred faking, nonsense promoting, fashionista douchebags.
You have sold your last beanbag chair to me.
There will be no high fives for you.

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17 Responses to “Nut punches and high fives from every direction.”

  1. BMark December 17, 2010 at 7:38 am #

    I wonder if the new Stevil action figure they’re “dropping” this week will come with a miniature, vomit-stained, beer-soaked Budweiser sweater, or if you’ll have to buy it separately.

  2. Hugapotato December 17, 2010 at 8:14 am #

    Tell me about your “friend” chicken and the greens w/collars? Oh, and my Bud sweater is now a shop rag. There’s a reason Soulcraft riders drink Oly….

  3. Stevil December 17, 2010 at 8:36 am #

    I need an editor.

  4. mark December 17, 2010 at 8:54 am #

    The 53-year old CEO of Urban Outfitters was rewarded $29.9 million in compensation last year – enough said.

  5. bRado December 17, 2010 at 10:38 am #

    that Cash4Gold letter fuckin’ cracks me up! Brilliant

  6. pig fat December 17, 2010 at 11:41 am #

    so now you can get a back up sweater brand new. don’t worry about it.

  7. Erik December 17, 2010 at 12:28 pm #

    Heeyyoo Stevil! I saw your facebook post about contacting the Quiznos Pro challenge. I’m a pretty bad at writing so I like to show off when I actually pen something cogent that doesn’t come off as whiny. If anyone else agrees with what I wrote, please feel free to crib all or part of it:
    I respectfully request that you change the location of the Quiznos Pro Challenge Stage 3 – ITT to a city or municipality other than Vail, CO. As I’m sure you are hearing loud and clear today, the judicial system in that part of Colorado is broken and has repeatedly defended the criminal actions of one of it’s wealthy residents at grave physical expense to another human being. I’m certain that this case has reached your ears by now so I will spare you recounting that absolute mockery of reason, fairness, and due-diligence.
    I would like to impress upon you a few things that stood out to me as being closely linked to the sport of cycling and PRO cycling in particular. Sportsmen have a code of conduct with which they are strongly encouraged to align themselves, and as a sportsman myself, I have always extended these same principals into my daily life. This is a very simple thing to do that I think most people with a sense of honor and dignity do by second nature, however I am now aware that there are many people who were never taught or willfully chose to be ignorant of tact and consideration for their fellow man.
    The wealth manager implicated in the hit-and-run case has repeatedly refused to even concede his involvement in the near-death of another living thing, and that, to me, is unconscionable and grossly offensive to these ideals I, and likely most cyclists and fans of competitive cycling, hold in very high regard. To cheat in a bicycle race by any means is roundly considered a cowardly act by directors, competitors, and spectators of sport. So why not in life? This man, his legal defense team and the District Attorney have cheated every citizen and visitor to Colorado by defending his disrespect for both other people and the law of the state.
    The point I am trying to illustrate is that by repealing your decision to use Vail as a host city for the race, you will send a strong and clear message that the cyclists, their fans, teams, and sponsors do not condone this abuse of fairness and lauding of wealth as a basis for punishment, which in my mind amounts to a cheating of jurisprudence. Furthering the impact of this decision will be the possible tourism revenue for Vail that will not be brought by the vehicle of your race. Perhaps as a symbolic gesture of contempt, place the start house for that day’s ITT out in a field somewhere or along a rural stretch of the race course to publicly snub that city.
    This is an extremely important matter to me and thousands of other recreational and competitive cyclists throughout the country whose safety suffers daily assault. While I cannot be happy about punishing the cycling fans of Vail by moving the stage, I do hope that it will spur within their residency an impetus to change their legal system for the better. Please help us to set this example by way of pure sport.
    Kindest Regards,

    Erik Pedersen

  8. C Bizcut December 17, 2010 at 12:29 pm #

    I can’t get past the subtle drunk octopus image. Right click, set as desktop.

  9. Crank December 17, 2010 at 3:27 pm #

    Drunk octopus is best friends with Thug chainlink fence. Had my ass kicked by him a few times.

  10. irishpunk59 December 17, 2010 at 3:28 pm #

    the octopus wanting to fight just bout had whiskey shooting outta my nose thats right boys and girls we drink whiskey at work at a certain outdoor clothier up here in reno yeehaw

  11. cary December 17, 2010 at 4:36 pm #

    The EPA is one fucked up group of bureaucratic know nothings. Absolutely no ability to pour piss from a boot. Just look into the new EPA Lead Law which has forced me to remove said work boots after 28 years in home renovation.
    Then there this;
    “After dinner we went home, and the pretty brown haired girl and I fell asleep on the floor wrapped up in one another’s arms.”
    Um, you realize you just got married right? Those mammories memories need to be erased from your brain. Believe me it’s easier that way.

  12. ulysses ronquillo December 17, 2010 at 4:59 pm #

    sovern is looking well…I wondered what he’s been up to. Ogling women in pink wigs was my first guess.

  13. Stevil December 17, 2010 at 5:26 pm #

    It’s how it happened Cary. I’m not gonna edit my history.

  14. curtis December 17, 2010 at 6:35 pm #

    I’ve had other lovers, and I’ve loved others, too. But I loved them cuz they were stepping stones, on a stairway to you. -avett bros.
    I sing that to my cx bike on our night rides.

  15. Brij December 17, 2010 at 10:18 pm #

    “Your petition…is feral….” Who knew the suits were capable of such an awesome rebuttal/cease & desist? “Feral”? Fuck yeah it is, feral and then some. That letter is pure gold.
    The Specialized commercial/video has awesome footage. Something about all the pretty colors.
    My favorite piece of latrinalia, as seen in the men’s room at the Poet, on the condom machine: “Gee, this gum tastes funny.”
    What to say about a culture that can take everything awesome and make it suck? What’s worse than restriction? Appropriation. Bastards.
    I like your friend chicken. We should all have a feral friend chicken.

  16. johnny December 17, 2010 at 10:44 pm #

    Wait… fried chicken, collard greens, a 40oz’er served in a bucket & black sabbath? Love the Delta Cafe, it’s been too long since i’ve been there.

  17. cary December 18, 2010 at 6:16 am #

    You are true to your craft Stevil and I’d bet the Misses is a modern woman such as mine. But to this day she refers to someone in my past a The Slut. Jealousy boils in us all at some level I guess.
    The thing I find most entertaining about that story is; that girl seemed to let a few guy’s wear her sweater 😉