After Friday’s trail of tears, it’s only right that I roll out some non-negative material, starting first with an email from Kyle of 21st Avenue Bikes;
I know we sent you the teaser earlier this week but this is the new full commercial just released this morning, wanted to make sure I got it in you grubby little hands.”
In regards to the good people at 21st Avenue Bikes, and due to the fact that I’m sure at least one person will roll out the old ‘hipster’ chestnut, (which by the way, I was referred to last week on the Evil site). I am going to go ahead and say that this word can no longer be used, simply because as soon as my grizzled ass is referred to as such, it has most definitely lost all meaning.
I’m hairy where I’m not supposed to be (my teeth) and where there’s supposed to be hair, there is none (my heart). My belt is brown and stretched beyond all recognition. My politics are vague, as is my disdain for mainstream culture, (I love Pixar movies, and don’t think twice about buying my underwear from Target), and the last time I owned a pair of pegged pants was in 1988.
So as I did long ago with bacon as a topic of humor, and/or irony, I will now play a rousing round of ‘Don’t Fear The Reaper’ for the ‘H’ word as we collectively lower its casket into the ground.
It looks like the dyslexia has taken on a more permanent form this morning. You get my meaning.
My friend Furryknuckle at Swobo (who I doubt will be shedding a tear of the word’s passing either) sent me a couple of colorful observations on Friday’s post, plus another shout for any and all who have to get in on some last minute Festivus shopping;
“The Colorado case is just insane. Everything about it is wrong – from rich cunt deciding that new car smell made him pass out and therefore he should not be held responsible, to the fact that the DA even has a job at the moment given his many, many past actions that are pure and total bullshit.
I think if they weren’t in Vail, both of them would’ve been quietly beaten to pieces a long time ago…
(Furthermore) I don’t know whether to laugh or cry about Urban Outfitters.
Also, we are continuing to commit email sabotage via bad photoshop. The last image you posted was what we ended up with after a group meltdown occurred when the many layered theme – UFOs sucking sheep and trees up into their bellies from a bucolic mountain landscape and then beaming arm warmers and xmas trees down deathray style onto a blasted urban landscape, with reindeer in gas mask spacesuits and aliens in Santa hats – clashed with our written content. Anyway, scaling back our ambition, we are continuing in the xmas tradition;
Hang in there, man. That Urban Outfitters Budweiser sweater will never really go anywhere. The kids probably want PBR sweaters anyway…”
So there you go, and now you know.
As I stated in a reply, and on Jim from Vecchios encouragement, I think the next directive should be that every single one of us should bombard the Quiznos Pro Challenge with emails, and letters and post cards demanding that they boycott Vail during the August 25th stage of their tour. The city has declared what they think about bicycles loud and clear, and giving the area one red, hot cent is about five dollars more than you should.
Quiznos Pro Challenge
1515 Arapahoe, Tower 1, 10th Floor
Denver, CO 80202
Be clear, be concise, and above all, be respectful. This is our one shot at making a stand, and coming from a place of anger will be no help to anyone.
Secondly, if you are ‘up in the piece’ that is Facebook, there is the mere tip of a technological revolution brewing there. I should also mention to those of you who might scoff at the idea of a Facebook page having any pull, that the numbers of one was actually used in a hearing last year regarding the opposition to change the name of Northern California’s Mount Diablo to ‘Mount Reagan’. Though the voices of one can sometimes be lost in the shuffle, the voices of many can be deafening.
Mr. Bob Roll has even gotten in on the action with his new Vesus PSA;
I do loves me some Bobke.
And just as a tip of the cap to the entire sorted affair, Patrick O’Grady has penned this astonishingly good piece that will leave you with both a feeling of utter disappointment and a curious sense of hope.
I feel as if we all stand together on this, cyclists, pedestrians, motorcyclists, and any single person who might dare to use a roadway for any fashion other than to drive upon (this doesn’t include anything relating to hacky sacks), we can and will make our voices heard.
While we are on the topic of foot bags, I got a big box of them in late Friday night and have been filling envelopes since;
Varying forms of Urban Outfitters related humor has been worn the hell out in the last two days, so you can just go ahead and save your breath.
Should you like to procure some of these for your very own, please make note that I have two sizes available.
Small (slash) Medium which according to Sockguy, fit men sizes 5-9, and women 6-10, and large (slash) XL which fit men sizes 9-13, and women 10-14.
Make someone in your life who has one or possibly two feet, very happy this coming Tiny Baby Jesus Day™.
And speaking of the Tiny Baby Jesus™;
I gotta tell you.. Bob Newhart’s role aside, after I saw ‘ELF’, I was mad. I hated that movie so much I never wanted to have anything to do with Will Farrell again, but that one single scene redeemed him to me forever.
In news that you can’t possibly care about, Chad came by the other night and picked up his brand new bike;
I gave him ‘where’s Waldo’ eyes, because that’s kind of what his glasses made me think of.
Secondly, as the weekend blossomed into its adolescence, Oded came by and took the Hunter off of my hands;
Oded didn’t have ‘Where’s Waldo’ glasses, so I settled on just giving him his hat instead.
These transactions were a good thing because now I can pay off the previously mentioned socks, as well as a few other debts I had lingering. I hope that Chad and ‘Big Pimpin‘, and Oded and ‘The Ripper of Rippington’ (I name all of my bikes) have long and happy lives together.
Now, while it’s raining most places, and snowing everywhere else, might I recommend you broil up a nice cup of hot cocoa and catch up on the saga of esteemed advertiser’s Planet Bike’s own Marko, as he is currently fighting his way through fields in both Belglandia and Netherlandia;
Please note- This is not a shot of him in Belglandia, or Netherlandia but rather at the recent Jinglecross event, looking appropriately serious, but far less menacing than usual.
Apparently Marko got tired of whooping up on his fellow compatriots and took his fury to lands of harder men, where he will either show them who’s boss, or get several lessons on what it looks like on the bottom of your competitor’s boots in rapid succession.
..Or possibly a combination of the two.
Rest assured Marko, all one of me here in the cozy and warm confines of the Black Market camp are pulling for you and look forward to your safe return.
I would also like to note that he has a donation button on his site to help off set the costs that the trip has incurred thus far. If you have an extra one spot or 100,000 spot, I’m sure he would appreciate it.
On second thought, give Marko the one spot, and save the 100,000 spot for me.
Though that would guarantee good vibes for days and days, it still couldn’t pay for ‘hipster’ to be allowed back into the lexicon.