I’d totally have a post for today, if it were not for the fact that I think I might be dying.


Come wind, rain, snow, sleet, or a combination of all four, unless I’m away on a vacation, mancation, brocation or frocation I have always worked hard to get three square posts in here a week. In fact, upon further reflection, I’ve never once taken a sick day from my position as blogerator. My boss wouldn’t have it.
I’m afraid to say that today is a new day however, due to the fact that since last Tuesday, I have been wracked with what I can only describe as being the symptoms of trichinosis. This isn’t nearly as cool as it sounds, and I have lit white candles to aid in my deliverance from the wretched disease. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I simply ate too much cheese or something and will be good as gold by Wednesday. If you need me, I’ll be doubled up in pain, somewhere under the covers.
Until then, then, there are a few options I might suggest. The first being that you should go read Friday’s post again. It was a good one..
Or you can sit and stare in astonishment at the lovely new Ritte Saüsberg that Lanolin has stored safely away in one of his secret lairs until the demons have passed through my body;
Friends and enemies alike have all stepped forward in assisting with this bike’s completion, and I expect after Lanolin returns from crushing all comers at this year’s Gila, he might find time in his schedule to box it up and ship it out.
Or.. if you so desire, you can feast your eyes on the arm roll/vest combo that my homie Kim from Bike Monkey Magazine laid on me Sunday morning;
Just so there is no mistake, those things below the vest are in fact arm warmers, and not what I initially mistook them for;
Speaking of which, but not really, but sort of, Uma sent an email to let me know about a tarck bike related thing;
“I was updating some security info on PayPal moments ago when I saw this;
and remembered your tweet from earlier. I thought to send it along, but then found myself looking to see what the event was and noticed… it really IS sponsored. By Red Bull, no less.
Some people will sponsor anything.
I’m going sponsor hunting now.”

If there is a demographic to which they can market their poison, you can bet they will sponsor an event for them.
I would like to take a second and mention that while laid out on my floor, I finally got around to watching the previously mentioned documentary Marwencol this weekend;

Though Mark Hogancamp’s story is one of utter heartbreak, it ultimately serves as a lesson of the strength of the human spirit, and is certainly a film that I encourage everyone to try and see. As I was sprawled out in front of my television, at times having trouble breathing due to the pains in my gut, I still felt fortunate in comparison when learning the details of Mark’s saga.
Continuing on.. You might remember last week when I introduced you to the majesty that is Jen Voight’s Army.
For those who spent time perusing their site, I’m sure you noticed this, but for those who did not, please take time to investigate Jahvahaah Internationale;
More Rapha than Rapha.
Anyway, so you can do any or all of those things, or just play the hell out of this.
Between that and the Barbie game, now you see what my life has become.
After all was said and done, I guess I didn’t really take a sick day after all.
Whatever… We just won’t mention anything to my boss.
That guy’s a dick.

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10 Responses to “I’d totally have a post for today, if it were not for the fact that I think I might be dying.”

  1. Chezedog May 2, 2011 at 6:55 am #

    Y’gotta cook that bacon before you eat it, yo.

  2. Josh May 2, 2011 at 8:01 am #

    I can only hope there’s a mix up of the vest files at Voler HQ resulting in 100s of sleeveless jerseys being made and the dawning of a new bizarro world where AHTBM is the company of choice for triathletes across the land.

  3. TB May 2, 2011 at 12:30 pm #

    What’s a tarck bike?

  4. Loren May 2, 2011 at 4:25 pm #

    Watch the cheeze. Shit’ll plug your shit up!

  5. sarah May 2, 2011 at 5:09 pm #

    dude, i hope you feel better soon.

  6. Stevil May 2, 2011 at 6:31 pm #

    TB, surely you jest, but on the chance that you are doing no Shirley jesting, a tarck bike is like a track bike, but one that will never see its intended purpose.

  7. bRado May 3, 2011 at 5:44 am #

    You’re not dying; it’s just gas!

  8. Badbeard May 3, 2011 at 2:07 pm #

    bRado, that’s what my wife said to me when I had a kidney stone.
    It’s not always gas, some days you have to piss a pebble…

  9. frank May 3, 2011 at 3:18 pm #

    had the same shit easter sunday—or not.
    wife had her family over for the regular fanciness that she does around the house what with the tulips and setting the table. I decide to be nice to everyone for once but to do that I needed to drink some beer and quick. i got one in me before the first in-law arrived then 2 more before the last darkened the proverbial doorstep. several more while we all did that thing which is family until I could after enough time had passed excuse myself for what I described to those people as “going to church” also known as heading out to ride the sweet trails of the downtown system. (yes we have a system). but on my way to said trails i realised that i was too drunk to drive but just drunk enough to destroy said trails. I opted for responsible drinking and driving and stopped at the 7 of the eleven for a 5 hour energy which i “gulped” down (pun intended)
    short story longest…DO NOT EVER DO THAT! monday 12am until wednesday the toilet was in a constant state of flush.

  10. CheckIt May 3, 2011 at 10:51 pm #

    I’m sure you have played this while being sacked out but here it is. Bikes and what not.