A grab bag of the whatnot and such.


Not to be mistaken for the mail bag, the AHTBM ‘Grab Bag’ is a collection of items that couldn’t be squozen in anywhere else, and given the general state of non-sequiturness around here, that’s really saying something.
So as to not waste anytime dillydallying around the mumbo jumbo, we’ll get right into it with some goings on in Los Angeles (which apparently is not the capital of California), and their frequently traveled freeway called the 405.
This weekend it was shut down for either construction, or an awards show, or a celebrity wedding or something, and as a result the half a million vehicles that would usually be zipping about to and fro on it would have to be diverted to the elsewheres, causing what was affectionately dubbed ‘Carmageddon’.
In response to this, Jet Blue airlines had a promotional deal in which they would shuttle people who needed to get to the places that they needed to get to in their aero-planes. Hell, even Rachel Maddow got in on the action.
As Rachel said, Jet Blue has accepted the challenge proposed by The Wolfpack to see who can make the Burbank (home of ‘The Tonight Show’) to Long Beach (home of the Queen Mary) trip faster.
I might be biased, but my money is on the cyclists. (Editor’s note- Yeah, they won, by like, a billion miles.)
However- As far as those forty miles flights are concerned… At a time in which the airlines are struggling and consumers are more than footing the bill, a barrel of oil is $115.00, we’re combatting greenhouse gasses, pollution, and general economic strife, people flying 40 miles instead of, oh, I don’t know, just not going anywhere, seems a wee bit excessive. Then again, I’m a stodgy old coot who had to walk uphill both ways to the school bus when I was a kid, so I don’t know much about entitlement.
Anyway, speaking of the two wheeled menace, last week when perusing my Funk and Wagnalls, I came across this little fun fact. Did you know that in 1896, the very first automobile collision took place, and that was when a car hit a cyclist?
I mean… I read it somewhere, therefore it must be true.
Continuing on- Jon sent me an email regarding next month’s USAPROCYCLINGCHALLENGE!;
“Tell me this wasn’t done on purpose…”
Why, if I didn’t know better, I’d say that was a likeness of Michael Smith’s microphone.
It’s good to see that someone in the inter-sanctum of the Pro Challenge has maintained the sense of humor of a thirteen year old boy. Mine is what gets me out of bed in the morning.
At any rate, once I got finished with the giggling at that image, I realized they they have made a personal affront in vaguely ripping off the plans for America’s Grand Tour, The Flaccid Classic;
Upon notifying my attorney (pictured here looking for a french fry that was just thrown);
Photo courtesy of Jeff Hantman.
I was informed that simply because they were pointed to the East and the West respectively, any suit that I would hope to file wouldn’t stand a chance.
I would also like to mention that in two days, as many posts have contained references to both Loudass Esq. and Peni. A coincidence? I hardly think so.
In an awesome slice of awesomeinity that I made mention of just last week via the EVIL, it seems as though a fellow named Niko Alm has gone above and beyond simply being ‘ornery’, and won his right to appear in his I.D. photo with a noodle strainer on his head;
Pastafarianisim… Finally, a religion I can wrap my mind around.
In closing, Josh sent a hand slap to let me know that it’s ok to occasionally use this vehicle to spread actual information and not just nonsensery;
“Hey Stevil,
I was wondering if I could get a plug for my ALS Fundraiser raffle in Friday or Monday’s post. As vitally important as it is for the world to know how much you and Sally Fornes like to drink and ruin races, I’m trying to use my pulpit at The Bicycle Story for an even greater good right now.
My girlfriend and I are doing The ALS Double Day ride in two weekends to raise money for the Evergreen Chapter of the ALS Association. The money raised helps fund ALS research and the Association’s community-support program, which helps people with ALS and their families deal with the many logistical nightmares the disease imposes on them. For those that don’t know, ALS–more commonly known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease –is an awful degenerative nerve disease for which there’s currently no cure.
In an effort to get more people donating, I’m putting on a fundraiser raffle next Thursday, July 21. The awesome folks at Portland Design Works and Nuun have donated a bunch of rad prizes to give away. For every $5 people donate, they get a chance to win tools, lights, and hydration products. For more details on the raffle and prizes, check out this Bicycle Story post. I’m hoping your kindhearted band of ne’er-do-well readers can join me in doing something good for the world and earn themselves the chance to win awesome bike stuff in return.

Josh is fighting the good fight, and until just now, I though Lou Gehrig was a former professional baseball player. I appreciate his efforts, and if you can lend assistance in his direction, make your move.
Right before I introduced the email from Josh, I said ‘in closing’ which would indicate that that was the end of the post, but that was actually a lie. This is the end of the post- This coming weekend Portland Design Works is pulling the curtain off of their Circulus, and having a bash for the ages;
J.P.H.N.H has dispatched the crack(er) team of Daniel Wakefield Pasley and myself to document the event for an upcoming issue of one of the rags in his media empire.
I will arrive with a sharpened pencil, a hip flask and a fist full of singles. If you happen to be nearby, make an appearance to The Thing and say hello. Or stay at home and do laundry… Your call.
And with that, the grab bag is empty.

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2 Responses to “A grab bag of the whatnot and such.”

  1. Bilbo Baggins July 18, 2011 at 9:09 am #

    I foresee carnage at the circulus.

  2. Haywood Djablome July 18, 2011 at 9:29 pm #