So happy together.
Despite my best efforts, we seem to have a Monday post here after all.
I tried to make that opening image go on forever, but after staring at my computer screen for five minutes in an attempt at figuring out how to do it, my head exploded.
Here we are, all back in the land of the living and pulling out a proverbial knife and fork set to dig into whatever my index fingers are set to tell us to.
Before we get into anything however, please take a few minutes and learn the finer points of breaking free from zip ties.
The incarceration you avoid might be your own.
This past weekendish time saw fit that a vacation sort of experience occurred for my life partner and myself. We were celebrating a 365 day span of weddedness where most of the time we did this;
Then, when that got old, we did some of this;
Then when time allowed, we did a little bit of this;
Which was then followed by some of this;
How can a wretch like me afford such luxury, you might be asking? Truthfully, I cannot, but I can afford the three pack of 24 ounce cans of beer that was sitting on the ground next to me because of a periodic sale of AHTBM product.
… Like for example, the brand new and way bluer All Hail The Black Market hydration apparatus;
Anyway, I’ve said it before and I’m sure I will say it again. There isn’t a great deal in this world that I can say with sincerity that I am good at, but I’m reasonably sure that I would make for a terrific rich guy.
Between doing nothing and doing nothing however, The Art Crank Circus descended on the city by the bay and just as I promised on Wednesday, a featured attraction (for me anyway) was the one they call ‘Big Dave’;
My man is all time, and I don’t get to see him much anymore. I’ve ridden bikes with Dave for years, I drove to Canada to see KISS with him, I traveled with him to just west of California’s butthole for some 1999 Single Speed World Championships or another.
Dave was at my side in the only bar fight I’ve been in in my life… Why, I’ve even appeared nude in a British mountain bike magazine with (a more dread-lockier) him;
Though my fellow models look just fine with no clothes on, I won’t subject you to my contribution to the magazine’s contents.
Anyway, the show was jam packed with the beautiful people, all clamoring for a slice of art crankiness, and Captan Youel was his usual blur of activity;
Though this lady doesn’t seem terribly impressed;
Then, if that weren’t all enough, I capped off the week’s end with a live performance of the musical stylings of Shellac, who when standing side by side in sepia toned environs, look like this;
At the show I drank enough cheap beer and even cheaper whisky to make the following day’s mountain bicycle styled athletic pursuit a challenge for both my mind and my body.
Fortunately for my counterparts, this was not such an issue;
Even though it would appear as though Yafro is holding himself up with his bike and possibly contemplating making a vomit, he was actually nerding out on various suspension settings;
Nerding out is something my man is a pro at.
As the sun set’s on today, and I kindofbutnotreally reflect on our last three minutes together, if I was to say the enjoyment I received from recounting the last few days of funtimes was equal to the days themselves, I would be lying. One day, and one way, I intend to find a way to make a living laying by a pool and being a loaf.
I wonder if any of the country’s 1% might be accepting applications.
With that I say here we are at the end of the road of yet another post. Unlike breaking free from zip ties, getting away from the Black Market is as easy as clicking here.
The only time I’ve been zip tied was while I was in college. A lovely young lady I had just met at a bar zip tied me to her bed, and just when I thought things were about to get fun, she left.
For the longest hour of my life…
I was completely convinced that she was going to rob/torture/murder me. At the end of said longest hour, she returned, and proceeded to… err… well, let’s just say she more than made up for the trouble. When she was done, she cut me free and told me to go home. Which I did. Because despite the awesomeness that had just occurred, she still scared the hell out of me. Good times, good times.
How come rancho cucamonga is the butthole of California?? I feel like anybody who says that has never been to brawley or Victorville.
Steveo, you are correct. Most of I-5 is the butthole. To be fair, when I was in RCM, I spent my entire time riding levy roads and sleeping under a van across the street from a dive bar. I’m sure the city has its fair share of attractions, I just didn’t see any of them. Either way, their SSWC was one of the funnest trips of my life, and they also mix up some pretty good biscuits and gravy.
I’m so ashamed. We had tickets to Shellac, but being old, we got too tired to make the drive.
Well, to be fair I guess if that was your situation, I could understand. And also, there isn’t a lot of riding in RC proper, but, there is a lot near RC, and there isn’t a lot of “attractions” even now besides a decent outdoor mall, but 10 minutes outside RC in pretty much any direction is cool. 10 minutes outside Victorville or Brawley just gets you meth. Lots and lots of meth.
Iowa’s butthole is Clinton, Illinois-Decatur, Florida penis is full of buttholes, Shellac pic taken at Cabaret Metro in Chicago
That technique to break zip ties only works if they are the kind that are sold a Home Depot. If you’ve been restrained by someone with a brain and a budget, that technique will only result in personal suffering. Of course that technique is also of no use if you are strapped to a bed with your arms apart. Then all you can do is hope.
You need to do more to keep women out of cycling. Seriously.
Brawley, the town that is engulfed by a giant hazy cloud of stench that is a direct result of the most depressing cattle feed lots I have ever seen.
Stayed there on a cross country bike tour and it was the only stop on my trip that made me nauseous. O haven’t seen all of Cali but this town definitely gets my temporary vote of butthole.
Castaic is a boil on the butthole. Buttonwillow ain’t much to write home about either, but there is a good ditch behind a gas station there, so its got something going for it.
Chris Werlin likes Buttonwillow. That speaks volumes. Castaic is a rolling parade of trucks but there are some rides/trails around there. RC/ San Berdoo/ Inland Empire get my vote, too.
isn’t Dave just beautiful. the 1999 wcss was classic. i miss kenny