Sometimes you just gotta get away.

Embry Rucker knows what I’m talking about.

Unfortunately today is not one of those times.
At least for me anyway.
So with that said, let’s get onto business.
First things first- I have to give this top billing and a ‘what the heeeellll?
‘-A bill that is very likely to pass will let government and corporations censor the internet, take down sites at the behest of corporations.’
I don’t need to say that this is a bad thing. Simply based on the fact that a site has an opposing opinion to that of The Man, the plug could be pulled, presto chango?
Am I understanding this correctly? It seems to read that way, and since I think we’re all pretty partial to the rights granted to us in the first amendment, why don’t you get up on this piece and make your voices heard?
I don’t know about y’all, but it feels like the government continues a bit of an attack on the American people.
American comedian Bill Kicks courtesy of American The Movie (dot) com.
Somewhere Mr. Hicks is slapping his forehead.
As we get into the business of bikes, in news equalled in madness, but only in our tiny world of bicycle riding miscreantdom, I recently came across this Bike Rumor article about all of the many intricate steps one has to take in order to properly prepare for a cyclocross styled athletic pursuit.
I remember when all one had to do to race cross was show up to a race with a bike. My, how things have changed.
Leave it to cyclists to take something simple and rad and turn it into something complicated and not.
And if that weren’t bad enough, NorCal Cycling News has just done the unthinkable and published a list of heckling rules. *Editor’s note. It would appear as though appropriate amendments have been made.*
Right here is where I’m slapping my forehead, and Golf Clap is fist pumping next to his.
You know, in my experience, the action of heckling is supposed to be a riotous, and lovingly mean spirited, and creative expression of exuberance for the spectacle before you. It’s not about conforming to rules.
As was said recently by Furryknuckle on the matter, “hecklers are an uncontained force of anarchy. Attempting to contain them results in neutering, which basically defeats the purpose of heckling.”
You don’t want to offend children? Don’t stand next to one. If excessively drunk and obnoxious hecklers were asked to leave the races of my youth, the foundation for contemporary heckling would have never been laid. This is something akin to Kurdt Cobain suggesting that The Wipers continue to play music, just not so loudly, or for the anonymous photographer who discovered John Holmes recommending he stay in the porn biz, but to just not show so much penis.
Which can’t happen, because they’re both dead. Is that what NorCal Cycling News wants?
The name of the game is to go where no one else is, and let loose. You’re not preforming to anyone’s benefit but yourself. Anyone who takes exception to what you are doing has no one to blame but themselves, because they were a moth to the flame of your awesomeness.
If they get burned, or their babies get splashed by beer, that’s on them.
Abiding to rules in a ruleless activity is absolutely out of the question.
Upon speaking with my attorney, Loudass LLC on the matter, I was notified that our rules, which clearly state there are no rules, supersede this set, thereby nullifying them entirely.
I don’t take bike racing seriously, but I do take not taking it seriously, seriously.
Speaking of which, and I’ve made mention of this previously, but San Francisco is playing host to the 2011 running of the SSCXWC. There’s no telling how many people from other countries will be arriving, and to that end, if this will actually be a World’s event, but that’s neither here nor there because they have a dinosaur as a logo.
I will be there at some point, most likely in time to ruin the race for everyone and then win.
Never count me out until the race is fifteen minutes underway.
One thing you can always count on me for is to help support the ladies in any way I can because the more women involved in the bike world, the better.
One person of a female persuasion in particular who made the contact goes by the name Elizabeth. She turned me on to this thing that she’s got cooking which is sure to bring out the dames of every shape and size.
Here’s a photo of one of the Sheclismo henchwomen named Emily;
Emily Hoeslynebraska.jpg
And Elizabeth herself;
Forces to be reckoned with, all of them.
As I skim some of the foam off the top of the mail bag, I find an announcement from Jeff of The Bike Jerks.
He’s the head jerk, if you will;
I just released two new shirts via the Bike Jerks shop. I’d sure appreciate it if you’d reblog this and help a dude drum up some business to pay some bills;
Blog post.
Bike Jerks shop.”

So there you have it. More quality directions to look when it comes to filling your Christmas shopping needs.
Finally, in closing I would like to present a gift that came to me from the quiet and creative mind of Lucho from Cycling Inquisition. While I might feel as though I’ve done some reasonably amazing things with my newly acquired Photoshop skills, they really are nothing in comparison to Lucho’s vision;
“Attached is what I still consider to be one of my greatest Photoshop achievements.”
I’d mentioned that I might like to see a hotdog floating in the water, but Lucho tends to be far more of a minimalist than I am.
It is with that, that I sincerely hope your weekend finds you camping under the stars, or swimming with hotdogs, just as long as you are blessed with the chance to get away.

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Leave a Reply

17 Responses to “Sometimes you just gotta get away.”

  1. Tom Benson November 18, 2011 at 7:01 am #

    Is that Lance being doused in the ’50 yards of Hell’?

  2. blacksocks November 18, 2011 at 8:55 am #

    rules for heckling? we might as well just put fake b**bs on the corpse of ‘cross and be done with it.

  3. Stevil November 18, 2011 at 9:00 am #

    Fake bulbs?

  4. pablo picnostral November 18, 2011 at 9:07 am #

    Yeah, but “Freedom of Speech” doesn’t mean you won’t get punched in the mouth for yelling smack talk at the wrong guy.
    (and this applies to heckling at cross races as well)

  5. Stevil November 18, 2011 at 9:12 am #


  6. reverend dick November 18, 2011 at 9:54 am #

    Fake bOMbs

  7. scotty November 18, 2011 at 10:42 am #

    If I can (and I’m gonna) paraphrase:
    “Abiding to rules… is absolutely out of the question.”
    Love it.

  8. Bearpi November 18, 2011 at 11:02 am #

    Neutered cat instinctively licks empty scrotum.

  9. dflbrad November 18, 2011 at 11:45 am #

    Mr. Benson I can assure you that it is not Lance Armstrong in the pic.
    What about the shot of the payback?

  10. Kevin November 18, 2011 at 1:30 pm #

    I’m not sure you can consider spraying a mouth full of spit and cheap warm beer heckling.
    “Run up that hill faster, pussy.”
    “Bunny Hop. Bunny Hop. Bunny Hop.” (at barriers)
    “Bacon prime!”
    “Gatorade or beer?”
    All fine heckling. But physically *interfering* with a racer, not cool man, not cool. If he wants to get spit on for a prime sure. But not just because he happens to be riding by and you think it’s a good idea.

  11. Stevil November 18, 2011 at 2:01 pm #

    In that case Kevin, I guess it’s best that none of the offending parties or you ever become friends.
    The recipient of the spray is an individual who for years we’ve known, loved, raced with, ridden with, and watched almost die of a brain aneurysm. Our roots go way, way back. We all know that we can get away with that sort of thing with one another.
    Which is also why we don’t spit beer on strangers or individuals who aren’t in our league.
    We know who we are, and we know where our boundaries lie, just like you and your friends do.
    And Brad, here you go. Just deserts.

  12. The Green Mamba November 18, 2011 at 2:27 pm #

    Besides the obvious philosophical discrepancy in expecting hecklers to follow rulz, pragmatically speaking where are you going to find a middle school hall monitor to enforce them? Unless that dude’s name is Hoogerland or Merckx I ain’t listening.

  13. Chris Schutt November 18, 2011 at 2:33 pm #

    “Bacon prime” is a worthy heckle?
    Uh, hello Boulder? Zzzzzzz……

  14. db November 18, 2011 at 4:20 pm #

    I’ve stayed away from ‘cross thus far, but Idaho has a state cyclocross championship (who knew?) this weekend, so I’m gonna go there and check it out.
    We’ll see what passes for heckling here.

  15. ODB November 18, 2011 at 5:32 pm #

    Man, pizza guys are getting worse and worse looking. I guess all the good ones went into porn.

  16. BiggerMig November 18, 2011 at 10:31 pm #

    Holy Diver, indeed.

  17. jhl November 19, 2011 at 9:28 am #

    Oi. Like many who post on here, I’ve loved bikes for a long time. We race on the road, where people take things very seriously: socks just so; legs shaved without a flaw; and, apparently, masters getting caught for taking things WAY too seriously. We race on the moutain, where I still like to think anything goes–if some dude runs out of the trees naked, that’s part of the race. And then there’s cross–the beautiful middle ground where people with rules and people without battle. I don’t prented to know who’s right, but I will say that when I moved back to SF after racing MTBs competitively, Brad and his crew gave me as warm a reception as I’ve received anywhere in the country. He always has a smile and loves to lead a group or roadies down a dirt trail that they don’t expect. He–and the lack of rules he and others inspire–are why I continue to ride a bike in the Bay Area with a smile. Everyone take a deep breath and don’t worry if people spit on Brad–he doesn’t. Don’t forget there is a crowd of cyclists in this area who have known each other for a LONG time. If something really goes wrong, they’re good people, and it will work itself out. Over and out and sorry for the rambling.