This is a public service announcement.

Briefly, while I’m digesting and not thinking about writing a proper post, I’d like to offer thanks to Fox News for recently teaching us that “pepper spray is “essentially a derivative of a food product”;

What is awesome, and I’m not saying that this was in anyway related to that, but last night in Los Angeles a woman pepper sprayed her way through a crowd in order to secure some really good deals, effectively making everyone around her extremely delicious.

I don’t buy this whole Black Friday nonsense. As someone pointed out last evening around an inviting and loving dinner table, Thanksgiving was the last holiday which up until this point hasn’t been commercialized to the nines. Now that apparently is no longer true.

To combat this, I have proposed several replacement holidays, which have a similar ring to them.

Happy Black Tie Day;
Happy Black Eye Day;
Happy Black Fry Day;
Happy Black Spy Day;
Happy Black Thai Day;
Happy Black Guy Day;
Happy Black Pie Day;
Happy Back Fly Day;
Or if you will, Happy Black Fly Day (which I should note has been celebrated for over a decade by James Hetfield, Bono, surfers, skaters, SoCal motocross douchebags and their stripper girlfriends);
You get the idea. I think hunting for sales and battling off others who are looking to do the same is not what we should be doing today.

Rather, we should be heating up leftovers and conjuring up new, and delicious concoctions on which to liberally sprinkle our peppers spray.

Spread this like it's sick

Leave a Reply

7 Responses to “This is a public service announcement.”

  1. bRado November 25, 2011 at 11:13 am #

    Happy Black Flag Day…
    All Day… All Night..
    Be thankful for the food products the police give on to you… make the baby jesus cry…

  2. Trina November 25, 2011 at 11:45 am #

    what about black metal friday or black porn friday?

  3. Yafro November 25, 2011 at 2:55 pm #

    Happy black spy guy day…insert photo of bill cosby from the I spy days.

  4. Crank November 26, 2011 at 7:36 am #

    For the procurement of material items to show the spirit of Xmas, I will drive over you, assault you, degrade you. I will be oblivious to the true spirit of the xristian “holiday” so I can max out my credit card, be induced into guilt over not buying enough useless shit. I will allow the media to control me, starting even before October, to encite a rabid thirst for spending of money. I will feel left out if I do not hang useless outdoor lighting, and further my debt to the electric company. And above all of this, as a Xristian, I will forget the fact that “Jesus” was jewish, and therefore should be celebrating Chakakan.

  5. jeremy November 26, 2011 at 5:33 pm #

    Any time the ‘news’ faces temporize, the words that follow are tripe, hype, and shite.
    ‘Basically, you know, it’s just a vegetable extract. Like lemon zest. Right? So, what’s the big deal?’
    ‘Essentially, it’s like the President is holding satanic masses for illegal lesbian atheist Islamofascist welfare mothers. Pretty much the same, right?’

  6. cyclotourist November 27, 2011 at 3:33 pm #
    Essentially a food product!

  7. fupapack November 23, 2012 at 2:08 pm #

    happy not buying it day.