What a meltdown looks like.

As I mentioned on Wednesday, Neil and Jeremy, who together comprise the multinational corporation known (and feared) the world over as Cedar Cycling made the offer to help me out with some technical wizardry. Now, I won’t get into details, (mainly because I don’t really understand them) but it involved taking my computer apart several times and engaging in a number of fairly comprehensive backups, which as it turns out was a very good thing as it was just on Thursday afternoon when my hard drive took, what is known in the tech world as ‘a major crap’.

As anyone who has ever turned their computer on and sat blankly staring at the monitor, wondering where their tens of thousands of photos and, ummm.. I don’t know.. billions of dollars worth of music went knows, this is a bummer. Luckily I still had just enough blackmail on the Cedar Cycling boys to enlist their help in resolving the issues.

Were it not for their gigantic brains and tiny hands, All Hail The Black Market would be little more than a fleeting memory, at least until I sold another $2,000.00 worth of socks and could afford a new computer.

This is a reasonably new sensation to me… One of being totally at the mercy of technology which exists beyond my realm of comprehension. If my bike breaks, I can fix it. If my truck breaks, I can fix that too. Hell, if nearly any tool or implement in my existence fails me, I generally have just enough brain power to resolve the issue, but as soon as my computer or any aspect therein breaks, it’s all I can do to not just go screaming off into the woods with my pants around my ankles while drawing wide arcs on my face in lipstick.

Or something;

Before we see what’s what about what, I need to cover a bit of business. As one or two people might not know, I have reopened the order window on the astonishingly sexy Smokey and The Bandit replica woolie made by the fine folks at Earth, Wind and Rider. If you might be curious just how handsome it is, here is Joe from Soulrun proudly modeling his;
And here is Burt, proudly modeling its inspiration;

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, the order window on this closes in exactly one week from today, so if you are going to order one, there really is no time like the present;

I know the number of times I bring this up must seem heavy handed, and for that I apologize, but there is a method to the madness which I can summarize quite easily. You see, to put an item like this into production is a fairly complex process, and coming to the table with the maximum number of orders is crucial. Secondly, after any order of anything I do where the run is somewhat limited in number, I will always inevitably receive a few emails from stragglers containing the sentiment of “woah, I never saw that you had made those available again. Did you maybe order any extras?” to which the answer is almost assuredly “no”.

So with that said, I will only bring it up fourteen more times before next Monday.

Getting into the mail bag, I have a story which lends to a general distain for the human condition from Gypsy The Punk;

“I just had a huge burp which made me accidentally puke in my mouth. Heroically, I managed to swallow it back down before any escaped to stain my shoes…

…and yet despite that unpleasant experience, it still left me with a better taste in my mouth than reading this story did.”

Zimmerman’s attorney says “…The highest level of disgust and the lowest level of civility.”

Ironic, but I’d say that about sums it up.

I’ve got something for the person making those targets at the bottom of my right leg;

Image via Noel Buddy Fantastique.

Thanks for nothing Gypsy. Now in order to get the taste of that out of my mouth, I have to bring out the big guns with an email from most of the time Dan Cheever, some of the time Stan Beaver;

“Went dirt bombing with Nick last weekend. 3 days 2 night . Coastal range;”

Nick looking at where a forest used to be….

No, seriously, I would like to be there.

Over the weekend I got a plea in the form of an email from Sean;


As you may have heard, John Behrens, a SoCal stalwart, cyclocross ass-dance celebration specialist;

and Elite cross racer who helped start Bailey Bikes, was hit by a car, hard, on the 2nd of this month. Spine, hip, ribs, lung, etc. The whole horrible worst-case scenario laundry list. It’s gonna be a long, painful and expensive road back to health for him. It was an accident, so the hospital bills are his responsibility. (He’s now into his second week in the ICU, which doesn’t come cheap.) Several teammates and friends have put together a few ways for folks to donate, including an Active(dot)com donation site, John Bailey giving away a 2013 as-yet unreleased carbon cross frame to anyone who donates in excess of $700, a Tour De John that will run during the Tour of California, and both Tejay Van Garderen and Chris Horner auctioning jerseys (TVG – TdF Polka Dot, CH – Tirreno Adriatico or ToC).

If you can find room for a mention somewhere on your blog or even in a tweet, we’d be supremely grateful.

Thanks very much (on behalf of the John Behrens Athletic Supporters),

Sean Runnette”

Every time I get an email like this I reflect on the piss-poor state of our country’s health care and I get frustrated that we have to rely on one another to take care of ourselves.

But then I remember that at least we have one another to take care of ourselves and that in itself doesn’t suck.

If you have anything you can toss John’s way, it would be greatly appreciated.

For my part I think I will send some dough, a few items from the store, and if things continue as they have been, possibly one slightly used computer.

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8 Responses to “What a meltdown looks like.”

  1. John May 14, 2012 at 5:06 am #

    I’m sympathetic with your feeling with regards to fixing your computer. But I think that the concept of “being able to fix it” is maybe a bit more vague than it might appear at first glance.

    When I was a teenager I drove an old VW bus. In contrast to my current car, I remember the pleasure I took in being able to “understand everything” about that car. I could, I thought, explain how every bit of it worked. But could I? Really? I mean, sure I could tell you at fairly high level what all the bits did, but could I explain the metallurgy of the gears in the transmission? No. Did I understand the involute gear tooth shape and why it’s there? No, not at all. Did I really understand the electromagnetic physics of the coil? No. I could fix things, sure, but only the context of being able to adjust and replace parts. If the guy at the auto parts store had told me “Sorry, they don’t make those brake shoes anymore. You’re on your own.” could I have made my own? Not a chance.

    I guess my point is that understanding things and being able to fix things is more of a continuum rather than an discrete state we exist in. We have limited resources and, like most of us, you probably coexist with your computer at a level of understanding that approximates an optimal productivity versus time invested ratio. So don’t feel bad about that. Instead, focus your energy somewhere where your unique skills bring something new to this big cosmic party.

    I should probably just go ride my bike now, or something like that.

    • Stevil May 14, 2012 at 5:27 am #

      Don’t you come at me with your big brain and logic. It’s way too early.

  2. Pistol Pete May 14, 2012 at 6:40 am #

    “Falling Down” is a movie you will never see on a trans pacific flight…

  3. FunkyLaneO May 14, 2012 at 7:32 am #

    Here is John’s status page in case you are interested:

  4. Trailer Park Cyclist May 14, 2012 at 9:45 am #

    All of you guys get up way to early.

  5. Nived May 14, 2012 at 1:15 pm #

    Did you get a bag of guns from some gang bangers?

  6. TOmB May 17, 2012 at 11:12 am #

    Thanks for turning me on to Turbonegro. I don’t know how I missed them before.

  7. Christopher May 18, 2012 at 12:20 pm #

    Wait, “Several teammates and friends have put together a few ways for folks to donate, including an Active(dot)com donation site, John Bailey giving away a 2013 as-yet unreleased carbon cross frame to anyone who donates in excess of $700…” — is that accurate? One can donate to help an athlete who seems to be a pretty decent chap AND get a sweet carbon cross bike for far less than retail? That seems like a huge win-win for all involved. Am I reading that right?