All Hail The Hail Bag.


I like getting mail of all kinds, regardless of whether it’s electronic or physical.

And in recent days I’ve been blessed with an assortment of both kinds, so there’s no better time to dole some of that out than the present.

First up, just because I can, for your consideration I offer the newest Chris Akrigg video;

With the release of each of these clips, I hate myself a little bit more.

Unrelated to my own self-loathing, from Chris I get word that he’s back at it with his continued good works in the name of Anti-Santa;

Hey Stevil,

Hope all is well and you are having a good winter so far. I was wondering if you could help me spread the good word about the Minneapolis Krampus Ride again this year. Basically, the way it works is that people send in donations over Paypal to theblindprophet(at)gmail(dot)com and 100% of every donation will go towards buying toys and books for kids spending the holidays in the People Serving People Homeless Shelter in Downtown Minneapolis.

It’s a completely DIY thing and it’s one of my favorite things to do every year. We’ve been able to use the local non-profit toy shop Kiddywampus each year, and they give us a great deal on the toys and always throw in extras. The money will be well spent. Anyone who donates will receive email updates with how it all goes as well. The ride plan is:

December 13th – Rain or Shine or Ice Storm
-Meet inside One on One Bicycle Studio at 11 AM
-Ride to Kiddywampus in Hopkins on the Cedar Lake Trail
-Ride to People Serving People Homeless Shelter Downtown
-Go to Grumpy’s across the street and put Iron Maiden on the jukebox and eat tater tots.
There might be a beer stop along the way depending on what people want to do. This is an all inclusive ride and no one will be left behind. If anyone wants to contribute money to the toy haul, they can bring cash the day of the ride or donate beforehand to theblindprophet(at)gmail(dot)com using Paypal. They can also email me if they want to send a check in and need an address to send it. Last year was a huge success and if we can do it all again that would be amazing! Costumes and shenanigans highly encouragedl
Thanks for any help!

For those keeping score, last year I kinda spaced out on getting the ride info posted in a timely fashion, thereby adding children to the list of things people presume I hate, which of course is totally incorrect.

I hope by getting this up today, I can make up for my previously flightiness, and assist Chris in assisting us assisting Chris assisting humans in need.

Another Chris got in touch with a bit of news that is vitally important to all humans, and I beg that you take a moment to read it, and sign the attached petition;

Hola from Arizona.

As an Arizona resident and the guy behind Drunk Cyclist, I thought I would reach out to the cycling interwebs and see if you could help.

We have an area here in central AZ that is on the chopping block to be destroyed by a copper mine. Oak Flats outside of Superior, AZ is a magical desert wonderland filled with thousands of rock climbs, swimming holes, and open space to wander. It is a sacred land to the Apache and it was designated “Forever Wild” by President Eisenhower. But it seems the current government thinks he
meant “Forever Wild unless we find copper there”.

I was hoping you could flex your social media muscle and help us get the word out.

Here is a news story,

-a short video explaining everything very well;

-and finally, here is the petition to sign.

We need to show Washington that we are paying attention. Losing this much open space in the 21st century is unacceptable

Thank you for your time.

-chris reichel

Land grabs make my stomach hurt. Please do what it takes to make your voice heard.

Then, sending me what for all in tents and porpoises was an early Festivus present, Seth came though with some very kindly words;


I just wanted to write to express my gratitude for all the work you put into this awesome blog. I am so glad that there are people like you out there who love riding bikes too much to take it too seriously. And thanks also for including all the other non-bike stuff that I probably would never encounter if it were not for you site, even the tennis balls.

The video you re-posted on Saturday inspired me to get my lazy-ass outside. Thank goodness for All Hail The Black Market, that ride was exactly what I needed;
Thanks again and keep up the hard work.


That was just about the nicest thing I could have hoped to read, and I appreciate Seth taking the time to email me.

I would like to note however that I don’t consider anything I do to be work. I do put a lot of effort into this site and all relating aspects, but working hard is digging ditches, and sheet rocking, and trimming trees, and the like, none of which I do here.

Ironically, the perks I occasionally get for my efforts here blow doors on any I ever got doing any of the aforementioned tasks. Case in point started with an email I received from Brian a couple weeks ago;

Hi Tom,

I’m writing today to find out if you would like to test the newly released rotation180° Trail backpack.

I work for MindShift Gear. Our rotation180° backpacks were named winners of the OutDoor Industry Award 2014 and the 2014 Red Dot Award (for best industrial design all categories). The reason behind these awards is that we’ve patented a unique technology that allows our backpacks’ wearers to gain access to their gear without having first to take off their backpacks.

Our newly released rotation180° Trail backpack was designed with bicyclists in mind. As you’ll see from the attached image, you are able to store a great deal of gear comfortably on your back while riding and, with a quick twist, rotate the beltpack to the front where you can access all sorts of gear.

If you would be interested in testing one, please let me know which color you’d prefer, charcoal or Tahoe Blue, and the street address you’d like it shipped to.

I look forward to hearing from you.


I immediately emailed him back and said that even though my name isn’t Tom (when I was in first grade, I really wanted it to be), I would be thrilled with the opportunity to try one of these bags out. I told him I first came across their product when riding last summer in Downiville. Secondly, his email was well timed because I had just sold what was left of my soul in order to purchase an SLR for myself.

After a few more email exchanges in which we mostly just shot the breeze about life, love and everything in-between, what should darken my door but one of their 180 Panorama bags;
As a died-in-the-wool bag whore, upon opening and then outfitting this number, I was heard to exclaim “oh my lord of all that which is unholy, is this thing sah-weet! What did I do to deserve such finery?

As a matter of fact, the day after I got it, I awoke in the wee hours of the morning and my mind was running amok with thoughts of adventures we would have together, and all of the volumes of photos I would take of people with the tops of their heads cut off;
I am thrilled, and indescribably honored that even though I’m not Tom, Mindshift would still hook me up with such an amazing gift, and I can’t begin thanking them enough for their consideration.

Armed with this bag and a fancy pants new camera, I aim to take this douchebag bike blog (same diff) to the next level, whatever level that may be.

And now, a barrage of random images just to get them off of my desktop;
Petre Mshvenieradze
And that right there pretty much cleans my plate.

The mailbag is dead, long live the mailbag.

Spread this like it's sick

Leave a Reply

5 Responses to “All Hail The Hail Bag.”

  1. Crank December 10, 2014 at 7:24 am #

    Still getting mileage out of the tennis ball thing. I must be the pimple you can’t quit squeezing. Signed the petition. Good post today.

    • Stevil December 10, 2014 at 8:59 am #

      There’s a lot of milage yet to be gotten.

  2. Ben December 10, 2014 at 9:24 am #

    Morrissey sucks tennis balls.

  3. Hans December 10, 2014 at 3:14 pm #

    I had to modify that Rembrandt photo:

  4. Brad Parker December 10, 2014 at 11:33 pm #

    Ha hahaha, that’s Vanilla Ice…I want that shirt. Hahaha…. wait no I don’t.