Prepareth all ye shovels.


As I continually try to craft something out of nothing, the steam rises off my lies like so many piles of bullshit.

This is an interesting challenge I’ve faced since being on the receiving end of gravity’s punch. Previously, If I found myself coming up short with material, or perhaps at a loss of words, I’d simply board my bikecycle machine and flounce off to find something to write about. It was easy as peasy, which according to my wife means pretty easy, though still to this day I have no idea who Peasy is.

My life these days exists pretty much solely trips from my office, where I’m currently working on the newest issue of the AHTBM fanzine;
-to my studio, to around the corner to look at my bikes, and then over to the gimp bank to look at my skateboards;
And then back up to the sofa where I ice my leg and think about all the fun everyone is having.

But don’t cry for me, Argentina. Things are still pretty rad, because I get to spend at least five minutes a day traveling across the cobbles of my mind;
Then, when I get fed up with that, I walk back around to my studio where I take my frustrations out on one of a selection of crappy beer that somehow made its way to my house at some point or another, and was ultimately left behind;
The upside is that I get to shoot at gross beer.

The downside is now my basement smells like gross beer.

It’s a small price to pay to ensure that it will never pass the lips of a living soul.

Luckily however, I have the mail bag to fall back on with transmissions from various individuals who are still out there living the dream and stuff.

Like for example, the following that I received from Alexis of San Francisco’s Huckleberry Bicycles;

Hey Stevil,

This is Alexis at Huckleberry.

Levi’s is putting on a Launch party next Thursday here at the shop;
Any chance you could shoot out a thread on your social media pages?



Technically this isn’t really a social media page, but it is a place where a few eyeballs periodically land, and as I told Alexis, I would be more than happy to do her bidding.

And while we’re on the topic of bikes, and ladies, and ladies who ride bikes, Justin came through with some pretty good news regarding those things;

Dear Stevil,

How are you? I am fine.

I know road racing has it’s share of problems associated with terribleness, but sometimes it is awesome and fun for the whole family. And criteriums are the apple pie, and mom driving Chevys of it all. This here criterium type of bicycle sporting endeavor I am fixin’ to ask you to plug comes served up with lots of icy cold Budweiser beers, which I feel that you will feel will be well worth feeling people in on.

So put it out there in the next week or two if you have the time, space, and dimension;

www(dot)Sequoia Classic(dot)com
P.S. I know you tried to chase women out of cycling like pretty much everyday of your life, but this crit shows you have boned that one, as they are offering EQUAL CASH PAYOUT to the girls and the boys (and also women and men if any happen to show up), so drinks all around and see you when the sweats relent.

Your pal,

Oh my lord of all that is right and good, that looks fantastic. There is literally nothing that I don’t like about the looks of this event, and by Dog, if I wasn’t going to be completely blown out on painkillers that weekend, I would be present in Visalia draped with my jangliest of bells.

If you’d like to be looped in on all pertinent goings on, ‘like’ their Facebook page, and get down there (or up there, or over there, depending on your current location), and get in on some of the action.

Luckily for all of us, Justin said he’d snap some shots and jot down some thoughts, so come sometime after the 26th, we have that to look forward to.

Furthermore, I encourage any and all to do the same, if anyone was feeling so inclined.

I hit he who goes by Max ‘Helllvetica’ Leonov up for an assist, because his photos are always never not awesome;
If I could take good pictures of anything besides tennis balls, I’d take photos like Max.

Until that time comes (assuming it ever will), I just have to be content with various Photoshop projects;
In news of rollerboarding, this coming Friday finally sees the Bay Area arrival of the documentary about Town Park;

If rolling through (literally, or figuratively) is a thing that you or yours would be interested in, RSVP here.

It’s the feel good hit of the year.

And there’s no ifs, and, buts or bullshit about it.

Spread this like it's sick

Leave a Reply

10 Responses to “Prepareth all ye shovels.”

  1. Phomma April 13, 2015 at 7:00 am #

    Maybe you can start riding on that Zwift virtual trainer thing and manage to get your own Amigos avatar.

  2. fupapack April 13, 2015 at 7:12 am #

    did you know if you send an email from the office scanner of scissors to your coworkers you’ll get called to hr? I am not sure what kind of action they would take against spaghetti?

    • Largo April 14, 2015 at 6:15 pm #

      HR; the new Big Brother of our times.
      More and more, life begins to take on a very Brazil-esque taint.

    • Stevil April 14, 2015 at 6:27 pm #

      I’m curious about the circumstances that lead up to your knowledge of this, and HR’s reasoning behind the action.

  3. Murph April 13, 2015 at 9:48 am #

    stick to spaghetti. Bicycles confirm bias and are an whoristic trap.

  4. Loudass, Esq. April 13, 2015 at 10:40 am #

    Wait a minute, no one ever skateboarded in Oakland until Levi’s made a movie about it? Someone had better tell Max Schaaf…

    • Stevil April 15, 2015 at 11:18 am #

      Or better yet, Curtis Hsiang. I mean, if he wasn’t dead.

  5. Zach Schwarzbach April 13, 2015 at 1:35 pm #

    I used to hang out with Peasy. She was super cool and fun, into traveling and rock climbing. A while back, somebody put some pictures of her in a Devil’s Threesome on the internet. She’s never been able to live that one down. Another victim of our prudish misogynistic society. Peasy never let that bother her though. She gives exactly 0 fucks if people claim she is easy.

  6. Devin April 13, 2015 at 5:48 pm #

    Sitting and watching is tough,, I totally blew me up this fall as I sat and watched.. But at least with the interwebs I felt like I was kind of there.. Keep healing get rite and the two wheeler and four wheeler will move again..

  7. Tim April 14, 2015 at 11:03 am #

    In the spirit of anti-bike journalism, peasy is from the compound gradational clan with siblings okey-dokey, razzle-dazzle, hodgepodge, hanky-panky, roly-poly, heebie-jeebies, namby-pamby, helter-skelter, hurry-scurry, pell-mell, hobnob, pop-top, razzmatazz, hurdy-gurdy, and ding-a-ling.

    Oh shit, that’s in the spirit of being a pedantic ass … oh well. Maybe I can create a diversion by making fun of a try-athlete ?