It’s a cavalcade of crap.


And this ladies and gentlemen, is what you get when you Google ‘cavalcade of crap‘.

I would have assumed it was an old guy bitching about his aches and pains.

With no particular direction, we will begin and see where the day takes us.

First up, it came to my attention that one of my very popular stickers has recently adorned the coffin of one Keith Splat;
Now of course, The Hard Times is like a punk rock Onion, so even though it’s on the internet, it’s not necessarily true.

I was quite excited nonetheless.

In response to Wednesday’s post, and specifically, to my view of Specialized’s advertising practices, I had a curious exchange with a person that went something like this;

Him: Isn’t the entire right side of your blog dedicated to ad campaigns that attempt to separate me from my money?

Me: That’s actually me attempting to separate the advertisers from their money.

Him: So its ok when you do it, got it.

Me: I’m not taking exception with advertising, and if that’s what you got from it, I suggest you re-read the post. I take exception with a company assuming that boobs will sway me. It’s insulting that in this day and age, a company of that size assumes a scantily clad woman is what will persuade me one way or another. Are we clear now? Curious though- when have you ever seen either my advertisers or me use a scantily clad woman as an advertising tactic?

Him: *No response*

At the sudden end of this exchange, I came to the conclusion that reading comprehension isn’t for everybody.

Maybe it’s simply that he’s a fan of either Specialized, The Stone Temple Pilots, or perhaps bought a bike because a hot nurse told him to and felt offended by my perspective. If that’s the case, then I guess there’s not more left to discuss on the matter.

In other areas of concern, I’ve posted some teaser shots of a couple of items that have been coming down the pipe here at AHTBM headquarters for some time. The first is a jersey that Michael from The Analog Forest pitched to me a couple of months ago;
Being one who is fairly particular about the way their bikecycle shirts fit, I’m always skeptical of trying news goods, but it’s really a badass cut, and fits like a champ. Maybe if my leg ever fully reattaches to my body I’ll be able to put it on and go outside to play like all the other kids do.

I’ll be meeting with the brains behind AF next week, and will have all the specifics regarding getting them up on the site and and how, if you’d like, you can get one in your hands/on your back.

And in other product dumps- It was months ago… Like seven or eight I’m guessing, when I conjured up the idea to release my own branded skateboard deck.

How does one even go about such a thing?” I wondered. I had some ideas, and was just going to simply buy a bunch of blanks from another manufacturer and get my own graphics screened on them. That of course would be the easiest route, but the easiest route is one I rarely take.

What ultimately occurred was that I approached NWVSF who at the time happened to be stewing on his own ideas about launching a skateboard project. He spoke with some people who spoke with some people, who then got back with us, and following that, were a number more hushed conversations. While they were getting their ends squared away, none other than the heaviest of heavy hitters in the world of wood caught wind of our plan and said he wanted in on it.

Until I can officially spill the beans, let’s just say this is him;
But without the earring.

For all intent and purposes, the person who has to temporarily remain unnamed is the skateboard world’s Gary Helfrich;
Both of these guys are cut from the same cloth. Gary’s medium is metal, and He Who Can’t Yet Be Named’s is wood, but the science and dedication they’ve both invested into their individual materials is the same.

The first step was to come up with a shape. I knew generally what I was looking for, but the more I learned, the less I realized I knew. As in the design of a bike frame, there are geometries, and levels of specifics that I was completely in the dark on as far as including them, so I just did a basic drawing. Then Mister Wood Master took that drawing and made a legitimate rendering, which eventually got turned into a prototype. Meanwhile, I got some artwork squared away from a couple of the baddest in the business. One being Chris Wright;

And the other being Bruce Gosset;
All through this process, the prototype was getting a good run around;
strava copy
While we handled business on our end, the artwork got turned into a screen;
The right color orange was picked;
fast orange
getting screened
Though it has more to do with the actually manufacturing of the wood rather than the screen printing, here’s a shot of the red ply that I requested, (so when you scrape through the bottom ply it looks like your board is bleeding);
Finally, when all was said and done, and Sleeping Skull screen printing had done their mastery, it looks like there is a completed deck;
That’s the short version, anyway.

If there are those in the our midst who care about such things, the specs are 9″x33″, with a 15″ wheelbase, 7″ nose, 6.75″ tail. They are done, and paid for and though they shipped yesterday, I don’t think I’ll have them in hand/in the store until after Vegas. Each deck will come with a new limited edition AHTBM/NWVSF crushed can sticker, and the newest issue of the ATHBM zine;
I’ll have all this buttoned up as soon as the dust settles in the next couple of weeks.

At that time people young and old, and of all genders are more than welcome to order one up, put it together, and go out to do a frontside slappy in tribute to the grand poobah of said trick, Sir Jonathan Lucero;
Finally, and in a closing and unrelated point, I will one last time mention that in a week from yesterday, we’re gonna go big;
Come one, come all, unless you’re a dick.

And speaking of that Las Vegas mumbo jumbo, I’m breaking free from these environs and will be out Wednesday, and Friday. I’ll resume a normal posting schedule again on Monday, September 21st, at which point I will officially be 45 years and two days old.

Though the dust may settle, the cavalcade of crap will only continue to gain momentum.

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Leave a Reply

6 Responses to “It’s a cavalcade of crap.”

  1. pedalman September 11, 2015 at 7:09 am #

    What kinda of a demented freak tries to ”band skateboard dicks”. Seriously Mr. Knievel can’t you just stick to ruining the race for everyone.

  2. stuff September 11, 2015 at 7:16 am #

    next level shit!

  3. Lumpy VanWinklebauer September 11, 2015 at 9:15 am #

    Fuck Yesh on the Decksh.

  4. zeke September 11, 2015 at 12:39 pm #

    Skateboard!?!?? I don’t even skate and I want one!

  5. Rob September 14, 2015 at 11:00 am #

    Hey, what’s the concave like on them pretty planks o’ wood?

    • Stevil September 14, 2015 at 11:04 am #

      Real deep, but not super duper ridiculously deep.