I was incorrect, sorta.

That is, in Friday’s estimation that I wouldn’t have a post ready for today.

Eventually we’ll get into all the dirty details regarding the Soulrun party;
and scrambling around in the mile high elevations, and discovering dirty hippie hobo camps and stuff, but for now (and since I’m in the middle of the trip), the short version is that I have been properly sullying the absolute hell out of the Front Range, and have probably impregnated like, a bunch of people with my sheer mountain man-ness.

I was also able to make it to a cyclocross race in Boulderwheretheytakecyclocrossserioulsy, and I was finally able to see first hand that that particular statement is no lie;
Shall we revisit the saga that lead to my consistent ribbing of Boulder?

Yes, lets.

To set the scene, there I was at the second year of Cross Vegas. I’d plugged myself into the furthest, darkened corner of the course all by myself, with a stack of dollar bills and by best loving heckles, when I was approached by the promoter and the following scene played out;

During a heated exchange with a ruggedly handsome and well dressed, albeit slack-jawed fan (me, duh), race promoter *retracted* wildly lashed out at the sight of dollar premes being given declaring that “real pros do not take handups”, based on Nat Ross’s world class beer feed the first year which ultimately led him to being banned from this year’s competition.

(Though he never acknowledged the fact that over the years Gina Hall, Travis Brown, Barry Wicks, Molly Cameron, Ian Brown, Barb Howe and even Adam Craig have in fact taken handups- the final four of which took them at this particular event last year, (but then again, as far as Adam is concerned, I guess racing in the Olympics doesnt necessarily define one as a ‘real pro’.)

He ultimately cleared up the misconception that Las Vegas and Belgium were not in fact two separate locations, that “I dont know how you do it in California in your ‘fun races’, but in Boulder we take racing seriously”, and that any interaction with the bike racers short of mild appreciation is absolutely unacceptable, thereby spawning his new nickname of ‘Golf Clap’.

When presenting the offender his business card so that a post race debate could ensue, the ne’er-do-well stated “ohh… you’re *retracted*?!”

“Yeah, who the fuck did you think I was?” Golf Clap blurted..

“Uh.. I dont know.. Some douchebag security guard I guess” was the response, which led to the early heart attack candidate having to walk away and take a time out, sitting alone on the hillside to collect his bearings.

Regardless of last year’s (the third year the race happened) beer feed zone being turned into an off-limits VIP area, there were still highjinx that abounded, some of which resulted in police intervention, and even for a few, rides home in the backs of cop cars. (Yeah, yeah. There were some total amateurs, who, as it turns out totally blew it. I am not including those fools in our ranks.)

So, the lesson here I guess is that Cross Vegas is just like Belgium (with the exception of the fan’s interaction with the participants, and the small matter of geographic location), that this race is every bit as important as the Worlds (regardless of the antagonist’s claim that its just a B.S. exhibition race, and then offering this comparison-“if you stick a corsage in a pile of crap, it still doesn’t make it a tuxedo”), and that cross racing is the world’s most serious athletic pursuit which if tainted by the fervor of its most passionate fans will assuredly result in the earth spinning off of its axis.

So since I was a stranger in a strange land at this weekend’s events, I most certainly offered little more than a few barely audible rounds of ‘hup hup’, and with the exception of booing Barry Wicks, just a couple rounds my most sincere golf claps.

Spread this like it's sick

Leave a Reply

12 Responses to “I was incorrect, sorta.”

  1. Largo October 19, 2015 at 6:28 am #

    “Hear About It Later” off Fair Warning, which was the best if least known VH album.

  2. Katherine October 19, 2015 at 6:51 am #

    Nat Ross = cool as fuck (friend of mine).
    Boulder = fuck that place AND the sticks up their asses (used to work there in the bicycle industry).
    That is all.

  3. badbeard October 19, 2015 at 9:04 am #

    You should have thrown in a few disco claps as well.

    [clap clap]

  4. The Todd October 19, 2015 at 12:29 pm #

    Lived in Colorado for many years…never understood “The People’s Republic of Boulder” or the folks who claim it.

  5. Tom A October 19, 2015 at 4:56 pm #

    Please remember, not EVERYONE in Boulder has sticks up their asses. Some even ignore the races and just ride bikes for fun. Not a lot of us, but a few.

  6. jeff October 20, 2015 at 2:16 am #

    Dude..didn’t know that JT was racing cross. Why was he on a Focus?

  7. Reverend Dick October 20, 2015 at 8:01 am #

    Everybody wants some. Women and Children First….bonus: I’d be the clip featuring the song in the classic “Better off Dead”.

  8. MyRobotHand October 20, 2015 at 4:15 pm #

    Used to be

    Now am

  9. MyRobotHand October 20, 2015 at 4:20 pm #

    This ones pretty good too:

  10. Lucero October 20, 2015 at 6:55 pm #

    Our resident serious racer boy was out at the race this weekend , and was very amused at some heckling Barry Wicks received as they were lined up for the start. I’d like to think you were responsible. Mr Wicks reportedly found it amusing. It’s always nice to hear when the fast guys have a sense of humor.

  11. ek October 21, 2015 at 6:16 am #

    That is a beautiful story Stevil.

  12. JM October 21, 2015 at 7:06 am #

    I live in Denver and avoid riding in Boulder at all costs. Not pleasant at all. Very tired of the “elite” athletes. Much more fun hanging with the Freds in other places in this beautiful state.