This just in! I’m not here.

empty basement

I mean, technically I was when I wrote this, but I’m not now, and I and I might not be back with enough time to craft a proper post (see: me screaming into the void as art) for Monday.

I mean, maybe I will be, but if that’s not the case, I apologize for nothing and will see you in Hell.

So first things first.

At the ass crack of dawn yesterday morning I awoke with a slight tinge of anxiety regarding the 2017 Undertake Industry Mixer. Is what we’re watching here going to be a slow motion train wreck, which will leave me not attending Interbike or scheduling the party because I will be too busy refunding donations that have been contributed thus far?

Good lord almighty I hope that’s not the case.

If you would like to throw some money in the proverbial hat that I’m passing around, I have a spot for that right here.

I reckon I need to get about $500.00 a month for the next ten to cover this, which is a horrifying amount to me, but if 5,000 people contribute a dollar, it’s much easier to swallow.

So help me help you help me help you. If you’d like to see the mighty Planes Mistake For Stars play next year’s Underbike party, or possibly just happen to have an extra ten spot laying around, I would be very much appreciative of the assist;
Ironically (or not, depending on what the hell that word means), their first new album in ten years is released today;

And gawldang, is it a good one.

In other news of begging for money- while I’m currently in the process of developing a whole slew of new AHTBM merch, I’m still plugging along with the shirt of the month nonsense, the current one being this guy;
If you find yourself in the need of yet another black t-shirt, (Cheap Trick would argue that you can never have too many), then you still have four more days to get on it.

At that point, I’ll submit the entire order, and then we just wait a little while longer while they’re being made.

Easy peasy.

Moving on from shameless begging to ye old mail bag, I’ve had this correspondence from photographer/film maker/charter member of the Pretty Boy Modeling Club, Brian Vernor sitting around for a little bit which I will dish out now;


Don’t know if you’re hip to this but bicycle speedway should be the new sport of drinking/riding;
Track is only 70-80 meters. Seems like you could get one put in somewhere in Oakland…



Back in the HTATBL days I recall coming across a video for one of these events which may or may not have been this one;

To quote my attorney Loudass, “AT 1:15, NUMBER TWO GOT KNOCKED THE FUUUUUCK OUT.
Either that or he just spontaneously decided to do a child’s pose with a little yoga.

Yeah, so with some sharpened elbows, and a couple of flasks of bourbon, I can’t see what could possibly go wrong.

From another whirld-famous photographer, Embry Rucker, I got a little love letter after he received one of my AHTBM/NWVSF skateboard decks (no link included, because they are all now long gone until the next batch, whenever that is) regarding an additional goodie I stuck in the box;


I got the board, it’s all dressed up & ready to shred – Thanks!

I was actually using the Oly Koozi for its intended purpose [to keep my frilly hipster water cold] and it took me a few minutes behind the wheel to realize i was doing the opposite of what was a good idea;
Thanks for that too.


Yeah, I’d reckon that kinda would have the reverse effect of a beer camouflage, but I’ve seen nowhere that says it’s illegal to wrap frilly hipster water up in a beer jacket.

Finally in closing, and because love letters are now on my mind- Have any of yinz been watching legendary skateboarder, and world class curmudgeon Jeff Grosso’s series by that very name?

It’s one of my favorite things in the cybers.

And though some speak to me more than others, his latest, ‘Rants and Raves’ edition is a delicious, and profanity-laden cake I never want to end;

(I sent Mr. Grosso a message first noting the fact that since Vans was founded in 1966, and in this particular thirteen minute and five second he drops the F-bomb sixty-six times, inquiring if there was there any connection between the two. In response we immediately had an exchange regarding the Da Vinci Code. The truth is out there.)

Anyway, thankfully for most of our sake, Grosso has taken the aforementioned screaming into the void, and turned it into his own amazing art form.

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One Response to “This just in! I’m not here.”

  1. Team Sly MPLS October 21, 2016 at 7:10 am #

    Gene-O of Portland East is pretty much doing the Bikecycle Speedways in the the winter with SBCIHFDR & MDFCHC. Thanks Bjorn for the pics