Happy holidays.


The most important things first. The other night I began planning my birthday party. Put an inverted cross on Saturday, September 19th. Provided we’re still alive by then, I’m gonna have a hoedown, and it’s a good bet that none of us will escape without black eyes.

Now then- because today is Christmas Eve, it’s likely no one is here and I’m talking to myself.

Because I remembered Christmas was tomorrow only about eighteen hours ago (if there’s a Dog in heaven, I’ll finally be able to achieve my dream and it will escape me next year entirely), I have a post written, but I reckon I’ll save it for next week.

So for now, sacrifice goats, or buttchug eggnog, or squirt glue all over the magazines at the grocery store, or whatever the hell it is you heathens do on December 25th, and hike up your britches, because 2020 is going to see a whole new level of NGAF around these parts. Why, who knows? I might be on drugs for the entire year.

My old reality is stupid. I might as well binge my way to a new one.

Like Tiny Tim so famously said in Angela Lansbury’s rendition of the Quran, “so help me Cheevus, I’ll beat you to death with my fake leg.

Thanks for all you do, from my family to yours, happy days, and amen.

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8 Responses to “Happy holidays.”

  1. Jeremy Norton December 24, 2019 at 6:17 am #

    Some of us go nowhere always, so your rants and heart-pourings are a welcome inbox balm. Take care and be square. Looking forward to your 2020 visions.

  2. Matt December 24, 2019 at 6:36 am #

    Here for a “whole new level of NGAF.” Burn that Yule Log.

  3. The Sterling December 24, 2019 at 6:54 am #

    All I want for Giftmas is a new reality… Isn’t particularly catchy when sung but I’m definitely feeling the vibe.

  4. Cary December 24, 2019 at 7:05 am #

    I’ll cross of the date

  5. Glenn Wolf December 24, 2019 at 7:59 am #

    I can’t imagine a better way to kick in the doors of a new decade than to go on a bender of buttchugged eggnog.

    Felice Nobielogs…. Uhh, Fleas Naziblogs… No, Phylicia Rashad? Fuck it, have a nice week, dude.

  6. Damien December 24, 2019 at 8:33 am #

    This one made me laugh so hard I “touched cotton”: “Like Tiny Tim so famously said in Angela Lansbury’s rendition of the Quran, ‘so help me Cheevus, I’ll beat you to death with my fake leg.'”

  7. SockFool December 24, 2019 at 9:37 am #

    You smell like beef and cheese.

  8. George December 28, 2019 at 11:55 am #

    Big love to you Steve- happy holidays to you.
    Hope to get an invite to the 9/19 event of the century

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