A whole lotta shaking going on.

As I was re-writing and including bullet points on Wednesday’s post in the wee hours of the morning, I was suddenly overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I had neglected to include in the post. “Oh well” I thought. “I’ll get to it on Friday.”
Now here we are and I feel no closer to getting on top of the pile than I was before.
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I feel honored that people think to send me emails and event flyers and stories about things they found in the sofa cushions, and I want to do them due diligence by including them in posts, or at the very least sending an email back, but at times I feel like a midget at a high fiving contest. (I just made that up. If you would like to use it in place of ‘a one legged man at an ass kicking contest’, please feel free.)
Anyway, if at times I neglect a correspondence, please allow me some forgiveness.
That being said, I think we might want to jump right in and try to shovel through some of this and see what is cooking in places that aren’t the inside of my closet.
Checking in first with Kayla of Babes In Bikeland, (note; a bunch more women who I apparently haven’t run off yet), she laid out this year’s flyer for me, you and anyone else who might want to take part in the action;
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Then Slate Olson, who is the powerhouse behind making all Rapha personalities look sorta like him, (seriously…. Have you ever noticed that a number of people regularly associated with Rapha propaganda all kinda look the same?);
Slate;
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Ira Ryan;
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Photo via NAHBBS.
Brian Vernor;
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It’s like the goddamned Stepford Wives, but with long eyelashes and wanton gazes that go on forever.
Where was I?… Oh, anyway, as I was saying, Slate got in touch with a notification for a grudge match for the ages. It seems as though J.P. and T.J. are going head to head in the cage of rage in Las Vegas this next Wednesday;
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J.P.H.N.H. (That’s Joe Parkin, who is the editor at both BIKE Magazine as well as Paved Magazine, and has really nice hair) has asked if I, along with California Distefano would emcee the event, though for this competition anyway, Slate bounced us for the far more capable Richard Fries.
I told him that I was disappointed by these turn of events and that Richard would probably leave the mic smelling like Axe cologne and awesomeness, but he was undeterred by my whining.
So if you find yourself in Las Vegas next Wednesday at noon, stick your head downstairs to check out the action. Obviously, it’s gonna be epic;
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Billy ‘Souphorse’ Sinkford sent me an email and asked me to spread some word about this Levi’s jacket project that all the kids are going bananas for;
“Design process
Inside each jacket is a stitched Levi’s® Tailor shop logo. Silk screening, stenciling, stitching/sewing and custom graphics were all done at the Tailor Shop–unless otherwise noted.
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Crews who were involved and the design process with the project:
All Hail The Black Market – Words from the Levi’s® tailor, “We put together a custom stencil of a humorous quote underneath the collar. On the back you’ll find a screen printed and sewed in a logo.”
Godspeed – Words from the Levi’s® tailor, “As a play on old school racing jackets you will find each riders racing number hand painted on the inside of the jacket.”
Zeitgeist -Words from the Levi’s® tailor, “We printed their logo onto cloth and then sewed it onto the back of the jacket. It was complete after adding a screen printed ‘SF’ and red color-blocking underneath the collar. “
Prolly is Not Probably – Words from the Levi’s® tailor, “On the front we added a custom button to the breast pocket and screen printed ’13’ onto the side of the jacket. Upon opening the jacket you’ll find a simple one-color screen print of the shops name.”
Fast Folks– Words from the Levi’s® tailor, “Yellow color blocking underneath the collar, which we screen printed with ‘Fast or Die.’ We drew up a graphic illustrating the shops love with bikes, which can be see on the back of the jacket.”
NYC Velo – Words from the Levi’s® tailor, “White reflective material was used on the back and front bottoms of the jacket to keep the riders safe when they ride at night. A subtle red-stitched ‘V’ was added to the collar.”
Ritte Racing – Words from the Levi’s® tailor, “Blue, red and yellow fabric were combined to produce a rainbow swoosh to celebrate the shops Belgian roots.”
Moth Attack– Words from the Levi’s® tailor, “Pink color blocking can be found underneath the collar and on the inside waist band of the jacket. Once the logo was transferred to cloth it was then stitched to the back of the jacket.”
Time Cycle– Words from the Levi’s® tailor, “Once the custom logo was created we decided to use the colors white and red to help it stand out from the finish of the jacket. “
R.E. Load– Words from the Levi’s® tailor, “R.E. Load stitched a patch into the back themselves, and we added our subtle touch by adding their individual names on the inside of the jacket.”
Affinity – Words from the Levi’s® tailor, “We took the shops signature red color scheme and implemented it into the back, where we did a large logo print, and underneath the collar.”

I initially wanted my crew to be ‘people who follow Loudass around the bar insisting he buy them drinks’, but I was only allotted so many jackets and that crew generally rolls about twenty deep.
In closing and realizing I’ve only begin to scratch the surface of what I actually need to cover, the Bay Area’s dfL has kicked off their 17th year of cross dress races, and the previously mentioned Brian Vernor made contact with a mini report about the season opener;
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“Stvil,,,
The 17th annual DFL urban outlaw series starter was everything it should be. I arrived at the Crocker-Amazon course to see a wafting cloud of smoke over the hillside. No it wasn’t fog. I thought the DFLers had outdone themselves this year and got a giant smoke machine. In reality, the smoke was from the only slightly more plausible fire started by a crack head.
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Photo courtesy of Scott Bryan.
No matter, SF Fire was on the scene and so things went forward and we lined up. I righteously strolled onto the second row with hopes of a good race, but in the first hundred meters five or so transvestites passed me and I lost most of my ambition and settled into my usual mid-pack glory. From my anonymous position in the field I dodged the usual array of dog shit, bum pooh, used needles, and god knows what that litters the ground in the parks of San Francisco. The course was nothing close to proper, unless we’re talking about proper North Cal. hairy-legged jungle cross, and that it was.
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Photos courtesy of Scott Bryan.
Nobody got very hurt. We raced for a while and then someone said stop. I don’t know what place I got and neither does anyone else. In sharp contrast to those “gentleman races,” the DFLers applied the transvestite rule that any place is the best place and so they just didn’t bother to keep score. At the finish I was handed an unlabeled bottle of whiskey-colored alcohol, many canned beers were present, and as I looked around I only saw royalty. This was my favorite cross race this year, easily.
-BV”

I successfully avoided the event due to a full plate, some art making for an upcoming show at the Rapha SF store, and just general apathy.
So far my race season is right on track.
And many thanks to Scott Bryan’s sharp eye. As I told him, he makes riding though piles of bum shit and used condoms look appealing.
At this point in today’s ruminations, it would appear as though while running to the top of the aforementioned pile, my foot slipped, I kneed myself in the face and now I’m back at the bottom where I started.
Until next week at least, when I can try my ascent all over again.
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4 Responses to “A whole lotta shaking going on.”

  1. Case September 9, 2011 at 7:03 am #

    Oh yeah, I forgot to ask you to please at least scare these women out of cycling: http://www.juxtapoz.com/Gallery/insa-girls-bikes/insa-girls-on-bikes5-8654
    Thanks.

  2. Secret Admirer September 9, 2011 at 10:11 am #

    Brian Vernor is sooo dreeeeeammmy

  3. Emily September 9, 2011 at 12:36 pm #

    … you mean they are all thirtysomething white males? Yeah, I noticed that too. Rapha Continental is what’s really repelling women from cycling.

  4. Barrio Bici Bliss September 9, 2011 at 8:29 pm #

    In regards to the Rapha question:
    My white friend once told me that it’s probably because all white people look the same? He’s was a weird guy.