What would Crazy Eddie do?



We here at All Hail The Black Market (‘we’ being my internal dialog and me) occasionally have to offer a quasi-desperate reminder that besides the advertiser’s contributions, this site runs solely on the fumes of product sales.

Because I don’t have home electronics, a turtleneck sweater or the ability to speak in a very fast and animated fashion, I will now re-state a claim I made last week in other channels of the interwebs;

Hi there.

Do you enjoy what you see on AHTBM? I hope you do. Did you know that on that site I have a store, and in that store I have shirts, stickers, hats, water bottles, zines, socks, and so much more other stuff? See, aside from the advertisers’ minimal monthly stipend, that’s how I make a living, and continue maintaining the site day after day, and if I don’t make a living, I starve to death, and then my neighbors would call the police complaining of a foul odor, and then my mom would get that phone call, and she would be super sad. You can assist in avoiding all that.

Thanks from both my mom and me.

Though it shouldn’t be mistaken as a going out of business sale (as my plea might possibly indicate), it’s more like a ‘Please Buy Some Stuff So I Don’t Go Out Of Business Sale’.

Why, I have signed and numbered editions of prints;
ACno2
And them spanky new Banjo Brothers commuter backpacks;
bbahtbmbag
I have the profoundly attractive 2014 kits;
09-02 high res
I have the newest AHTBM zine;
ahtbmzine
I have custom Dank cüzies;
dankahtbmcuzie
I have a whole array of stickers with bad words on them, and I even have a couple handfuls of the newest t-shirt emblazoned with the amazing art of Mr. Chris Wright;
newblackmettle
I suppose I could launch a Kickstarter campaign, but I dislike those to a degree that I’d rather just pull the plug on the site all together.

Sorta but not really.

Besides affording me an occasional trip to the grocery store, the money from product sales also goes towards making new product, and I have a couple of projects in the hopper that I’ve wanted to make since like, forever. Nobody wants to see a grown man beg, but I will if I have to.

So it’s in advance that I thank you for your time, and consideration on this matter.

And speaking of AHTBM merch, Dan made the contact proving once again that not only will it make you more attractive, it is also a magnet for good fortune and success;

Hi Stevil!

This last weekend was the inaugural Tide To Tide race.

My buddy Ian entered us in the Pairs category under the team name of AHTBM, probably because we both read your blog at work when we should be working.

Anyway long story short, fives were higher, bikes of all shapes and sizes raced, beers consumed and Ian and I managed a not too bad 21st out of 54 teams.

I’d like to think that I’m blurry due to my speed, in reality it’s because Ian had too much coffee.

You can see the Downzig peaking out from behind the ID chip thingy that made me feel like I should be under house arrest;
mediocre
But the big bonus was that whilst wearing a pair of your Mr Blacksocks socks (*editor’s note-small/medium and large/XL, natch) I set the lap time closest to the mystery Magic Lap time which meant I walked away with a Surly Krampus frame and fork! Truly a prize of epic proportions, I think you’ll agree!?

I’m sure the socks/teamname had something to do with so I definitely owe you a beer, manhug or all of the above. Or I might just buy a bunch of stuff from your webstore!

So anyway, thanks for the socks and keep up the mediocre work!

Cheers,
Dan

As I replied to Dan, 21st out of 54 is either the fastest of the slowest, or the slowest of the fastest, or as I like to say, ‘The Upper Echelon Of Mediocrity’.

It’s not just a catchy phrase- It’s a way of life.

Sometimes however, there are those of us who just cannot attain mediocrity, no matter how much they might try.

Homegirl Vanessa from NICA is just such an individual;

Being friends with her is a blessing for a number of reasons, not the least of which is because even being lucky enough to exist in her orbit means a bit of her sheen always rubs off on me and inspires me to try to be a better person, and remember to live life just that much more fully.

Unfortunately that’s not going to be happening in just another couple weeks’ time, for it is on the 18th of this month that I’ve scheduled the second annual Hairnet Ride;
2ndannualhairnetride
It was only a year ago when we abandoned all hope and engaged in the first. I had grand hopes of an epic battle across an array of terrains, but as it turned out, it was a mellow traverse instead, culminating in beautiful views and camaraderie.

I’ll take both, or either. Whatever the case, we’ll go where the wind blows us.

And speaking of doing things aboard two wheels with no clear directive and a chance of drinking, it’s come to my attention that the 2014 Homie (or, Homey, if you will) is set to go down at the head of next month;
2014homie
Knees will be skinned, and livers will be battered, because that’s the rule of the game. I’ve been the last many year’s worth, (Homie ’13, Homie ’12, I can’t find 2011, I don’t think I went in 2010, ’cause I got married, Homie ’09, and then both ’08 and ’07 which was chronicled on HTATBL, R.I.P). As I always have said, The Homie is just about as much fun as one can have on a bike. All you have to do is get to Minneapolis and wait for the rest of the pieces to fall into place.

Naturally, no sooner do I speak of MiniApplePuss, does one of its five favorite sons come through with a passing hello;

Hiya Pen Pal!,

Remember that time, circa ’98 when we saw that flyer for Pantz Noyzee at Zeitgeist? How come there’s no bitchen’ youtube channel for them? Anyway, Cars-R-Coffins, member them/that? Fresh like ’98, I’ve got some nü H2o bottles for the kids, or ‘bisons’ as some say, and you might be like, “you’ve come a long way, baby!”
crc bottles
Well let’s cram as many cigarette slogans in this as possible, like, “Flavor Country!” Whatever. They’re are most boss, imho, mostly cuz Casey Robertsdrunk (OG Surly Slug AND Superissimo) did the designage. And they’re available only in Twin Packs, just like when you’re old man used to buy Tareyton or whatever.

All right then. Hope to see you up in the hinterland for the #HFF14 yonder a few weeks time.

Yours in Satan,

-Hurling R. Levine
NBC Nooze

That Hurl do have a knack for the written word though, don’t he?

As the sun sets on today’s post we’ve swung around from peddling stuff, to pedaling stuff, and all the way back again.

We’re nothing if not beggars, but as the pitch goes, everything must go to make room for new inventory.

Eddie gets it, but then again, he’s crazy.
newlittleskull

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4 Responses to “What would Crazy Eddie do?”

  1. Largo October 8, 2014 at 5:47 am #

    Short of getting smoked by a car on your morning bike commute, your day, no matter how much your jobs sucks, is immeasurably better than a day in a chemo ward.
    Thanks for posting Vanessa’s video, which was a great reminder to STFU, quit complaining, and get out there and enjoy life. Can’t get a long ride in? Too bad, ride what you can, stop and check out the fall colours, bring a beer, bring a dog and have fun.

  2. somedudeinFLA October 8, 2014 at 6:10 am #

    Dont worry Stevil. Im broke but im gonna start a Kickstarter to help me fund some purchases from the AHTBM store. I got yer back yo.

  3. phutterman October 8, 2014 at 10:30 am #

    Well, it worked on me. Got a shirt and print I’d been thinking of but hadn’t gotten around to.

  4. scooper October 8, 2014 at 9:15 pm #

    saaaaaaaaaaallllluuuuuttee!