It’s Monday and I’m already thinking about Friday.
For those of you not in the know, the dfL has a long and sorded history in the Bay Area cycling scene dating back nearly three decades, and now, in its 15th year of throwing outlaw races, the powers that be have decided to dust off the the archives and display a selection of photographs that have never before been assembled all in one place. This is one show that if you are in any proximity to, you really should attend.
With any luck we will even be able to behold the fabled shot of Papa Joe, after engaging in some fisticuffs with a fellow competitor who in the process destroyed Joe’s wheel, then having run across the course, launched off of a tree stump, and was caught in mid-flying kick, taking the offender out with a shot to the jaw.
It’s occurrences like that where legends are born.
Now with that being said, here we are at Monday again. It almost feels like a week has passed since the last one.
I gotta be honest, I wrote the first few posts well ahead of time so that I could maintain focus on other matters such as getting a store assembled, which, by the way, will be live on this site at some point soon, as well as jumping through all of the necessary hoops in order to actually put things in said store.
I’m not saying it’s gonna be a bonanza of items you can’t live without however.
More like a flea market full of random stuff you just simply have a compulsion to purchase.
Like, for example, the new bed I just bought;
I didn’t actually need a new bed, but this one just had that special quality to it…
Almost as if it found me, as opposed to the other way around.
Of course it only stands to reason that I would have spent all of my money on the bed and then had nothing left over for pillows, so for the time being I will just have to make do with the little Chiclet looking ones.
Anyway, just to not only give you an idea of what kind of products might be rolling off of the assembly line, but to showcase my newly acquired, kinda-photoshop skills, here are a few ideas I’ve had rattling around in my head.
My own line of fruit with the url bruised into the sides;
Some furry leg warmers like those that you might see in Aspen, which as you might not know is one of the nation’s fashion meccas;
And maybe even a ski mask made to look like your own face;
Which in my opinion is just about the most killer thing in the world, ever.
Now in the process of attempting to become a professional blog person, or in this instance, a profhessianal blog person, I have had the opportunity to take a looks at some numbers, and where people come from who prefer to shop at The Black Market. Of course I assume that a good number of these folks were also the ones who tended to avoid things of a bummeresque nature, and what I found out was interesting.
The greatest density of (domestic) traffic comes from California, Colorado, Oregon, Minnesota, New York and Texas.
What is the relationship between these states and those residing there, who obviously have absolutely nothing better to do than to waste their time here?
Now if we break these down and look at them individually, perhaps we can figure out what the connection is.
California? Duh. I live here, and it’s where I keep all of my stuff, plus, like, I’m all tan, and surf everywhere I go, so I suppose California would be obvious.
Colorado? Alright- I was born and raised there, and still clutch onto my roots from this great state with a stranglehold. Plus I take cyclocross very seriously, just like the people in Boulder, which as we all know is just down the street from Colorado.
Oregon? Also fairly obvious. It’s where my mom and dad have lived for years, and as such I have been there to visit many times and lived to retell the tales. Portland is also in Oregon, and is the residence of many shades of exotic dancer. Exotic dancers work in exotic dancer bars, and though I’ve never been to one, my business cards have been, and I am of a sincere belief that a fair percentage of my traffic is due to this fact.
I like to think of Oregon as California’s cooler younger brother.
Minnesota? Much like engaging in war with a partner at your side, no matter how much of a dick you are to them, or vice versa, you are forever linked and bonded by your experiences in battle.
I’ve been to hell and back with Minnesota, and there is no way we can shake each other.
New York? I’m not sure about this one. I’d like to think it’s simply due to the fact that it is a cradle of culture for this country, so they obviously have incredible taste.
And finally, Texas. As I told a reader recently who said they’d grown up in the flats of Texas riding a mountain bike, similar to the t-shirt from the 70s describing Texans and skiing, ‘if God had wanted Texans to ride mountain bikes, he would have made cow patties much bigger.’
Now I know this not to be true, but the opportunity to bust his balls arose, so I took it.
No, Texas is a land of expansive geographic variety, with cyclists of every color and creed, but like New York, I don’t have a vast amount of time logged there, so I can only chalk my numbers up to the fact that for whatever reason, I’ve got some kindred spirits in the Lone Star State.
Come to think of it, it might have something to do with a mutual appreciation for canned beer…
Of course in listing these states, we were looking for a connection, and as I sit here and stare at the previous sentence, I don’t have the foggiest of ideas…
Nope, not a clue.
Maybe you can tell me.
At any rate, it is to all of the aforementioned states, that I offer my most humble thanks, and urge you to tell your friends and family (also of questionable taste) residing elsewhere, that The Black Market is open for business.
I’m curious about the South though..
I totally thought I was bros with the South.
Maybe it’s because I put things like this up;
Or maybe it’s simply because I was for so long mistaken in thinking that Arkansas was considered the South.
I’m just godless Yankee trash.
Speaking of Yankee trash, who should write in but our own DPow!;
“The question was posed to me:
How much more metal can you get? The answer is none. None more metal.”
Finally, due to the fact that the labor I am currently engaged in has kind of a vague schedule, I completely lost track of the fact that we just had a three day weekend. I hope that you all made the most of it.
For my part I made my way to the base of Mount Tam, and partook in a day of bicycle riding with the usual suspects in celebration of the company of famed frame builder and all around very nice guy, Christopher Igleheart;
Now don’t hate on him for wearing SPD sandals, cause like any of us have done at one time or another, he neglected to remember his shoes, or as I like to say, he simply forgot to remember not to forget his shoes.
Anyway, it didn’t slow him down at all, and during various breaks in the ride, as well as a post ride mexican feast, we were treated to stories from his illustrious career that span back well before there was any such thing as ’boutique bike builders’.
Of course it begs to question how such a mild mannered and even keel individual such as Chris could end up being friends with the likes of Loudass, and really, the only person who might possibly have the answer to such a query would be Paula Abdul.
And know this. If I was a millionaire, I would pay top dollar to remake that video staring the two aforementioned individuals, as no amount of money would be too much to witness Loudass engage in some choreographed footwork.
As I prepare to pull the trigger on this post, I realize that nobody is going to see it, as all of you are atop bicycles in the woods or roads, rafts on a river or lakes, or your significant others in your house, or the woods, or roads, or rivers or lakes, but I’m ok with that.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Surely the link with New York is that Bike Snob mentioned/mentions you?
So, my wearing sportie sandal type things with flat pedals opens me to ridicule?
That explains it then.
In TX, laboring on labour day…sort of.
Benny, this may be.. However occasional mentions I don’t think would count for an overall 20 week high traffic average for the entire state of New York. I’d like to believe that it’s because folks in New York state share the same appreciation for Danzig that I do. He’s a Jersey boy after all.
you mean to tell me that boulder is a part of colorado? that’s it, i’m moving!
I’m reading this in Towcester, a provincial market town in England, Europe.
I’m going to peeved if you don’t ship your forthcoming products internationally.
I too am reading this in uk and am hoping you will be shipping internationally, although i’ll be in New York in 2 weeks time. Can you get your products stocked in Bloomingdales as i have a sneaky suspicion i’m going to get dragged round the store by my wife and could do with something to make it worthwhile!
Well, well… the Krauts will need your stuff too!!! I just got of my significant other bike (well the one with gears) and await product!
PS: Bud does suck! Try Rotkäppchen!
I’m in Edinburgh Stevil and I had to go to work. Damnit!
I apologize to those across the pond for making the assumption with my Labor Day comment that the only people who visit here are ‘Merikuns. Frankly I’m shocked any time I find that aside from my two friends in Australia, there are folks in other countries who come here, though am profoundly thankful that there are. As far as making product available to all other parts of the world, I am planning to begin building the store this week, and will certainly do what I can to make that a reality.
Thank you for your support.
Dank u voor uw steun.
Merci de votre support.
Danke für Ihren Support.
Вы для вашей поддержки.
Grazie per il vostro appoggio.
Gracias por su ayuda.
I’m writing from Volkswagon just outside of Audi. I hope when you open your shopinsputin I will have chance for brown to do for me.
Yes i’ve been drinking.
we’re like best of friends, right? I’m in Al-Obama…that’s like totally the south.
Starring MC SKAT Kat, that’s almost as good as one of them old record jackets.
das heist “unterstüzung” which is a way better word caus it has an umlaut.
I’ve met Chris a couple times, and was lucky enough to share a beer with him earlier in the year. All around nice guy does not begin to describe him. You are one lucky mofo getting to ride Mt. Tam with him.
Texas is an outrage when your husband is dead
Texas is an outrage when they pick up his head
Texas is the reason that the presidents dead
You gotta suck, suck, jackie suck
nashville (which represents all of the south) has got your back.
Ski masks made out of human faces… That’s the kind of ingenuity one usually doesn’t find this side of mass murdering cannibals. Making them out of sublimated fabric rather than actual human skin is a tremendous advancement as well, and probably cuts down on production costs and other externalities, like murder convictions. I tip my scalp to them.
New England is reading your stuff. (that is part of America)
Although there is definitely some sweet riding to be had in Texas, you’ve obviously missed the most crucial connection; moustaches. DUH! Also, not to nitpick, but sorted and sordid are two rather different things.
Thank you Ben. I know the difference, but as I’ve mentioned many times before, I type with my elbows. A dollar for anyone who cant find all the times I’ve typed ‘suppost’ as opposed to ‘support’.
No matter how many times I proof read, which by the way is a shit-ton, there are always typos that slip through.
Minnesota will always be there to hold your hair back when you’ve had one too many and the porcelain god demands satisfaction. Minnesota will also be the one who gave you one too many, too. What’s not to love?
Blowjobs are free here in Texas.
Don’t know how I landed here, but it sure isn’t Kansas anymore! I wear Teva’s bicycling and personally don’t give a care if I look like a dork (or dorkette). NH is reading you, wherever you are.
From Urban Dictionary…
Your entry is under review by editors.
The attempt to become a professional blog person.
All hail the mighty profhessianal, other blog writers are just wannabes.
by snombie on Sep 11, 2009
tags: professional blogger, blogger, blog writer, blog expert, blogest
And, since we are giving shout outs…
The snombie represents all of whats cool in the world here in New Orleans, aka Nola, aka the Crescent City, aka the Big Easy, aka the Fat City, aka the Chocolate City, aka Katrina’s Bloody Whore.