The beer hand down is a go.

Possibly the world’s first beer hand down occurred this past weekend and it went off without a hitch..
Since I have no photographic evidence of the event, you will have to rely on your imagination.
If your imagination doesn’t work, then you should simply refer to the drawing I just did;

There I was riding like a champ, all fat and pasty, as I withdrew my AHTBM cüzie wrapped beverage from my jersey pocket. I caught the eye of a bearded ne’er-do-well standing next to a shipping container and tossed the parcel, calling ‘heads up’ to make the pass.
The can bounced off the container and fell to the ground. He yelled “all right!” and I said “it’s a beer hand down. Tell your friends. It’s going to revolutionize the sport!

I then missed the turn and crashed into the tape.

Other than that, it was perfect.

For those of you who’ve been asleep at the wheel, ‘the hand down’ was a brain child of Captain Dave in response to disqualifications occurring for riders caught taking a hand up.

Dave is a thinker, and when push comes to shove, much to the dismay of the shover in question, he typically returns the favor.

Oh, by the way, the drawing is available to the highest bidder. (*Update-The drawing’s sold, and presumably thrown away at this point.)

I hate the thought of my parents feeling like my art school education was wasted.

In other news, here is a clip from Michael, that the hirsute in our bunch might be appreciative of;

“this might be the best invention of out century!”

In prison they call goatees ‘face vaginas’.

Or it could be that I just made that up.

While we’re on the topic of hirsute individuals, early this week, the artist formerly known as Intern A rolled though my locale for a bit of business, but luckily had enough time to go out and get a quick spin with me.
Here he describes when he wiped his ass with Poison Oak;
That gaze of horror you see in his eyes is not fabricated. He was reliving the misery as he spoke.
“.. So I just grabbed the biggest, softest leaves I could find…”

Those big, soft leaves stand as proof that God has a sense of humor.

The dirts from Soil Saloon have another ho down happening in San Francisco this evening;
I have gotten periodic grief for not making it to any of these, and now that I am sans job, I thought I might be freed up, but as it turns out, for this one anyway, I’ve gotten the opportunity to attend a JanSport bag release/press junket.

It seems that the company has picked up the pace in the realm of bicycle related baggage, and are debuting them at an exclusive event, to which I assuredly will be the only one arriving by bike.

I’ve been told that in as far as the bike bags go, I am free to photograph and report back on what I see, which I can assure you I will.
Once I’ve had my way with the open bar and free food.

And by ‘had my way with’, I mean rape and pillage in a way that would make Vikings blush with embarrassment.
Up in the utopia of Portlandia there is a screening of We Just Work Here tomorrow night that will benefit the Oregon Food Bank;
If you haven’t seen the film, I recommend you check it out. It’s a groovy little flick about the lives and loves of a bunch of folks who work/have worked at Santa Cruz Bicycles, but that being said, it’s not a cookie cutter mountain bike film. It’s considerably deeper than that, plus your cover charge goes to a worthy cause, so get on the good foot.

Now here is a clip from DPow! that if it doesn’t bring at least a half of a smile to your face, you maybe should check your pulse;

All I gotta say is Grandma is gonna be pissed.

Colin gave me a shout from heaven letting us all know that even though they are up to their eyeballs in leis and luaus, they still have time to get their rad on;

“Aloha Stevil,
Just thought I would drop you a line and let you know that another successful 24 Hours of Hell in Paradise has just finished. I posted a bunch (well not a bunch, since in true Kualoa Ranch style there were downpours which caused problems with cameras…. sigh.) of pictures on Flickr. Kendall Sexton of Crosstown Couriers won overall (which is great, since he’s an actuall messenger and beat everyone with a heart rate monitor…)
Overall it was great… as usual.
At that same location, a buddy of mine is putting a 3 stage mtb race, pro/am style 10/28-11/2. Lots of big names are supposed to be coming, should be awesome. There is more info at Hawaii Pro Am(dot)com.
Colin Cross”

Alright. Now we’re talking. I’m happy to go to Portland for the SSCXWC, or to Minneapolis for the Homie, but I think it’s about time I start going to the islands to report on what they’ve got cooking there.

It’s a tough job being an amateur journo, but somebody has go to do it.

Alright. I’m outta here, but before I go, I have new cüzies in stock. They look like the ones depicted, but they are a little more bomber. They’re still $6.00 each, and if you want one, Pay Pal me at stevil(at)allhailtheblackmarket.
I also have stickers, plus a bunch of other stuff that is unrelated to AHTBM.
T-shirts should be showing up this week, but when your printer is a total stoner, you take what you can get.

That’s it on this end. Time for me to get back to snorting piles of gold dust off the wings of angels.

Spread this like it's sick

Leave a Reply

22 Responses to “The beer hand down is a go.”

  1. youaretheengine October 14, 2009 at 8:34 am #

    I can only assume that within months the hand down will have moved beyond awesome bicycle races and infiltrated the daily existence of stand up dudes (and dudettes) who hand down cold beers in a variety of social settings. Ideally while riding, but whatever!

  2. Sinn Fein October 14, 2009 at 9:11 am #

    I’ve said it before (somewhere around 1997) and I’ll say it again – the goatee is/was the mullet of the ’90s. And now that I think about it, with its pervasiveness in society pretty much through the oughts, it is verging on outlasting the mullet’s run altogether -impressive….Around 2004 I was thinking the buzz-cut/bleach-M&M look was taking over as the mullet of the oughts – but the goatee crushed it…goatees f-ing rock.

  3. drrock October 14, 2009 at 9:14 am #

    We always referred to goatees as “prison beavs”. Google Kevin Youkilis for reference.

  4. Lucky October 14, 2009 at 9:30 am #

    I would like to bid a non-drive shimano hone crank arm with egg beater spindle siezed on for the picture.

  5. Sean Hurl October 14, 2009 at 9:31 am #

    I believe the term used for goatee in prison is TALKING PUSSY

  6. Snakebite October 14, 2009 at 9:32 am #

    Speaking of vaginas, I was rather disappointed there was not a segment of “Heather” shaving her beav using the Goatee Saver in the YouTube instructional/infomercial.

  7. Loudass, Esq. October 14, 2009 at 10:43 am #

    “[You] just work there?” With 12% unemployment, that makes you one of the lucky ones in Poortland. Of course, that’s on par with Belgium’s permanent unemployment rate, which may be why both places like the misery of cyclocross so much.

  8. newtrøn October 14, 2009 at 10:56 am #

    Another name for the goatee is the “Ass Gasket” and when your stash is in full bloom it certainly is a “Cock Brush”

  9. Federline October 14, 2009 at 11:17 am #

    The correct term is Prison Puss.

  10. Beefy McManstick October 14, 2009 at 11:31 am #

    Real men wear full beards or nothing at all.

  11. bryantp October 14, 2009 at 12:37 pm #

    Ah, JanSport. They’re the company that sold an American flag backpack that was made in China. After you score food and drink, might want to ask about that one 😉

  12. MG October 14, 2009 at 12:45 pm #

    You must give this man your i.d. and send him to the Jansport gig. Tell him free meth.

  13. 3Bills October 14, 2009 at 4:20 pm #

    I’m nonplussed at the lack of standard regarding prison terms for goatees. If inmates can’t get it together, there is no hope for any of us.

  14. marty October 14, 2009 at 4:22 pm #

    there’s always the beer pick up as perfected by DrJon:
    bad meat product and euro-fizz lager in one easy to grab package.
    scavenging cannae be against the law, even where folks take cx seriously?

  15. cary October 14, 2009 at 8:04 pm #

    $15.00 for the drawing

  16. Anonymous October 14, 2009 at 9:21 pm #

    Ha! Heathers face after her line.
    That le Sabre jump was siiiiiiick.

  17. New School October 15, 2009 at 9:14 pm #

    It’s good to see that the local hero won the Hawaii MTB race wearing baggies and a muscle tee. Lycra is dead.

  18. irishpunk59 October 17, 2009 at 8:48 am #

    loved the jump man now that was radtarded brings back memories of my ol PA friend Gary T and jumpin the RR tracks in his 70s oldsmobile delta98 once coming down so hard we broke the frame and cracked the block and yes beer played a part that day

  19. PENTABIKE October 20, 2009 at 2:52 pm #


  20. julie October 29, 2009 at 8:30 am #

    At Sunday’s USGP in Louisville, Team Hungry rider Kerry Nordstrom executed a Beer Down during the SS race. He handed a PBR to Ben Popper right in front of the announcers (convenient!) who were thus educated on the new protocol. Awesome.

  21. Stevil October 29, 2009 at 8:38 am #

    I will have to confer with some individuals in Boulder, but to my knowledge there is no rule stating that a rider is banned from passing something off to a spectator. Glasses, the return of a bottle, gloves, etc. I suspect that we have found a loophole and this should be waved in the face of every race official nation- nay- world wide.