A falseifie in verballage, followed by an extensive example of Capitalistic scum.


As I lay in bed through the wee hours of Thursday morning, I began reflecting on the subtleties of life as well as the inner workings of the universe. Once I had that figured out I got up to take a leak and realized that later on in the day I was to be taking delivery of my very first shipment of cycling specific soft goods.
I began thinking to myself how many false starts this project has had and what a ridiculously long production period it’s gone through.
Then I started puzzling on how I might present it in this forum and the phrase ‘like a broken record’ came to mind.
It was then that I realized my pee had been finished for about five minutes, and now I was just standing there in the dark holding my junk, which generally is an activity I reserve for occasional weekends and my birthday.
“Like a broken record” I began thinking again. “That phrase makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.”
This is something I’ve heard and said within the confines of my existence, somewhere in the neighborhood of a hundred billion times, give or take a few, and this was the first time that I realized that it would be nearly physically impossible to play a broken record. I suppose if you had all of the pieces, and fit them back together atop the turn table, and were very careful to align the grooves, then I suppose it might work, but is there a greater chance that a broken, and then reassembled record is going to skip more than one that is simply badly scratched, thereby inspiring the use of this saying?
Perhaps it all started as a discussion between two brothers, (who in my mind looked something like any of the very early Beatles), whose mom would repeat the same thing over and over again. “James, clean your room.” “Eddy, stop staring at Mrs. Kircher”. “James, do your homework.” “Eddy, why do you smell like gasoline?”
In response one brother said “jeez, Mom sounds like a broken record.” Upon hearing this, the other brother said “I understand what you’re trying to say with that, but don’t you mean a record with a bad scratch on it?”
“Yeah” the first brother continued, “but ‘broken record’ sounds better”.
So they agreed to disagree, each continuing to use their own version of the saying just to see which caught on first.
Anyhow, it was around this time in the morning I got back into bed and fell asleep again.
The point of all of this is that I am very proud to once again, and finally announce the arrival of the AHTBM cycling caps, made right here in Amerikuh by the capable sewers at Pace Sportswear;
As I’ve previously mentioned, the caps are $20.00 flat, with anywhere from $3.00 to $15.00 in shipping depending on where you live, and I suppose how fast you want it there.
Of course I also have the exceedingly popular Downzig cüzies;
and T-shirts;
I even have a small number left of my submission to both the 2009 Minneapolis and San Francisco Art Crank shows, as well as a whole array of not very clever, but incredibly inexpensive stickers, all of which are, for the time being, Pay Palable to stevil@allhailtheblackmarket.com.
As I’ve said previously, a store is in the works. I’ve seen it with my own two eyes, so I know this to be true, but until it goes live, Pay Pal and P.O. boxes is all I have to offer.
A change to the site that has happened however, is that the pop ups under Maximo Supremo don’t stay open any longer when you scroll over them.
Remember folks, this is a work in progress, with an emphasis on ‘progress’.
Some time just before John Kuzack saves us from Armageddon, I’ll have this thing cooking with gas, but until that time, please excuse my mess.
Now I know that you don’t come here to have me bark at you and attempt to pry your hard earned dollars from your wallet, most especially if said wallet happened to get left in El Segundo, but a brotha’s got to do what a brotha’s got to do to make his way.
Anyhow, this is very big news for me, as I have never before had an array of my very own products, of course with the exception of my line of Uncle Stevil’s butthole/lip balms, which in hind sight (no pun intended) was really not a very good idea, so it’s with hat in hand and heart on sleeve that I present to you all the fruits of my labor thus far, and thank you for any and all patronage.
It’s with complete honesty that I say all of the aforementioned information absolutely makes me feel like this;
Thank you for appeasing my need to make a buck, and in doing so, wasting an entire post with my plea. I promise to make up for it with more of the usual next week.
In a final, pathetic attempt to pay it forward as it were, I want to take a second to announce that my friends at COG Magazine have just launched their brand new website.
Visit early and visit often.
For now, I doff my chapeau in your general direction and wish you all a good week’s end.

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17 Responses to “A falseifie in verballage, followed by an extensive example of Capitalistic scum.”

  1. One Eyed z December 3, 2009 at 8:01 pm #

    Keep the good stuff coming my friend.
    A “Black out with your sack out” coozie is exactly what my 13 y/o brother needs for Christmas… right?

  2. Gnome December 3, 2009 at 8:14 pm #

    You’ve met Mrs Kircher? God damn man. God damn.

  3. Chezedog December 3, 2009 at 8:40 pm #

    I had a broken record once. I believe it was an Atom Ant LP.
    The Hanna-Barbera cartoon, not the guy from Adam and the Ants.
    It was cracked, but not broken into pieces. I played it anyway, and it did indeed play the same bit of ant dialog over and over again, until my phonograph privileges were revoked by angry parents.

  4. Chad December 3, 2009 at 9:45 pm #

    I’m not sure what the capability of sewage pipes at Pace has to do with hats but I want one of those. Maybe two.

  5. matthb December 3, 2009 at 11:20 pm #

    Man, you’re not kidding with the “black market” title. I’ve never had to work so hard to drop $20 in my life. And are these American Apparel shirts some sort of “athletic fit”? Just asking because I tried on one of those UnderArmour type tight shirts today and it was not a pretty sight, I can assure you.
    Anyway–love the blog, love the swag. Keep riding, and “get out of the way, you’re ruining the race for everyone!”

  6. reed December 4, 2009 at 4:21 am #

    the way i sorta understand economics, if one was to buy a nice new pair of Hed wheels for a loved one, then somehow some of the money spent would trickle down to me. ergo, buy some Hed wheels for your cyclecross style athletic pursuit. then look out for trees, because you’ll be going faster than you were yesterday. thanks!

  7. samh December 4, 2009 at 9:17 am #

    Those hats are far prettier than the member of KISS whom it adorns. Also far prettier than that hell-spawn-child-looking-thing.

  8. dc December 4, 2009 at 10:40 am #

    Hmmm… When AHTBM makes items that are less about silly metal icons, I’m all over a paypal transaction or twenty.
    It may not be popular to say it here, but I’ll say it: Danzig and Kiss and other old metal bands? “meh”
    I’ve got ideas, but It’s not my project.

  9. Stevil December 4, 2009 at 11:18 am #

    .. Probably not gonna happen.

  10. Lane December 4, 2009 at 11:42 am #

    Stevil, will you be dragging and subsequently shilling some of these wares in Bend next week? Enquiring minds and all…

  11. Stevil December 4, 2009 at 11:53 am #

    There is an outside chance that I will be in attendance.
    We’ll have to see how this week’s pot crop pans out.

  12. cary December 4, 2009 at 4:40 pm #

    “occasional weekends and my birthday?” brother I’ve left so much DNA around the house it’s like an entire season of CSI here.

  13. warthog December 4, 2009 at 9:51 pm #

    Perhaps this subject was mentioned previously and I missed it but, will there be any “get out of the way, you’re ruining the race for everybody” t-shirts planned? ‘Cause i’d buy one.

  14. Morpheus December 5, 2009 at 5:05 pm #

    When I go riding I usually put cycling clothes on, but I never get “kitted up”. WTF is up with that phrase?

  15. Barry December 6, 2009 at 4:39 pm #

    HUGE +1 on the “you’re ruining the race for everyone” t shirts. that sh!t is gold.

  16. matthb December 8, 2009 at 9:15 am #

    And quick damn delivery! Received my shirt within like two days. Another +1 for the Get Out Of The Way shirt. Maybe even just: GOTW on the front and: YRTRFE on the back.

  17. Wes December 19, 2009 at 5:38 am #

    I will not buy this record. It is scratched.