Recently I caught a little bit of heat for missing a cyclocross style athletic pursuit that occurred in the world Famous Golden Gate Park, which lies in the left lung of the picturesque city of San Francisco, California.
The above depiction is what the races held there used to look like before they invented color.
Anyhow, I wrestled with the idea of making my way there, as I truly am headlong in the midst of my break out season, and I love more than anything to scan the internet the evening after my race to find as many photos of myself as I can, and then email them to all of my friends with the announcement that my race went pretty well, but I didn’t emerge victorious because:
A) it too muddy.
B) it was not muddy enough.
C) I had put in a huge effort the day before.
D) someone got in my way and ruined the race for everyone.
E) I got tangled up behind some rookies who crashed and lost my hole shot.
F) Loudass spit beer in my eyes.
G) it wasn’t really my kind of course.
H) I over trained.
I) it was my second race and I ran out of gas.
J) I’m still recovering from the pig/bird/Llama flu.
K) (insert your own inane excuse here.)
L) all of the above.
I wrapped up the above list with the letter L for the simple reason that if you didn’t win, you lost, and if you lost, it doesn’t matter.
At any rate, as I was saying, I toyed with the idea of making the trip but then concluded that this;
Plus 45 minutes of this;
(Photo by Skohtee Pawz.)
didn’t seem like a fair exchange for no money down and three solid hours of this;
Nope. Not a fair exchange at all.
Plus, I was on a bike from my door to my door and ended the day eating my dinner in the bathtub, ala Gummo;
Can I get an amen?
Though I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t at least a little bummed that I missed the carnage caught in the following clip, shot by Platty Jo;
Insert sound effect here, and here.
And of course I can’t neglect this photo of JoJo shot by Pamela, (who also can be found here);
Does anybody remember that thread that happened after the 50 Yards of Hell in 2005 where some woman aggressively berated our actions, and repeatedly mentioned that (her) “boyfriend wanted to beat up this one drunk guy who was acting like a jerk because he was so drunk.”
Insert sound effect here.
I would suspect that if we had mobilized for this particular section of the race, that out of pure shaming, there would be a glut of bikes for sale on Craigslist today.
And though I’m sure that the following clip not only fits into the discussion somehow, but because every other bike related website in the world has had one of these up in recent days, I’ll follow step with this one from Webcor Cycling’s magic maker, Dave;
The most prestigious event after Cross Vegas, maybe…
Now has come the time where I throw myself on the mercy of the AHTBM audience. You see, as I mentioned on Monday, I had the opportunity to spend a bit of time with the esteemed Photo-John, and as luck would have it, he was packing some heat in the form of the new Canon S90;
As soon as I saw this, I felt like the kid in A Christmas Story, and began pleading with anyone in ear shot to help me procure one for myself and that, of course, I wouldn’t shoot my eye out with it.
Photo-John assured me that the photo industry is nothing at all like the bike industry in as far as throwing bro deals around and whatnot, but I thought I might use this here forum for my own devices, and actually see if there is anyone out there who has a cousin, or a neighbor or an acquaintance who might have some connection with Canon, and could help a brotha out.
At the very least maybe I’ll meet my sugar mama this way and she’ll simply buy it for me.
In other news, how do you all like simi-epic small world stories?
First up, as a visual aide, here is some info for any and all who might be in the market for getting some ridiculously high quality stickers made;
Now then, the fella behind this madness is an old friend that goes by the moniker of Zoltron. I call him a friend because we’ve long been associated with one another via Swobo, and over the years have developed a bit of a bromance.
Well, in talking with him recently about the prospect of developing a Zoltron/AHTBM collabo, he mentioned that he hails from a family of artists, at which point I was struck with the realization that he in fact is the brother of my first college housemate, reconfirming my developing theory of ‘wherever you go, there you are’.
The world really is too small to afford the luxury of being mean to people.
Anyhow, to summarize- cool guy, incredible stickers, buy some, small world, the end.
I’m going to close this post out with a mid-week book review. This week’s reading is ‘The Complete Air Guitar handbook’ by John McKenna and Michael Moffitt;
pretty much any review I can offer would pale in comparison to this one single passage;
Where to Play
“The vast majority of your practicing and playing time will be spent at home, so careful attention should be given to your living arrangements. The use of rooms, space, and furniture are therefore extremely important.
Many air guitarists live with their parents. Usually this situation limits air guitar playing to the guitarist’s bedroom. No sweat. Just sell your bed. This will amply increase your performance area, and the money obtained can be applied towards headphones (with a long chord) or perhaps a sleeping bag. When you dispose of your bed, merely inform your parents that when you cleaned your room you couldn’t find it. Being familiar with your room they will: 1) believe you, 2) be happy that you finally cleaned it, and 3) inform you that until you take better care of your belongings they will not buy you another bed. Fine. You are ready to practice.”
Aside from actual technique, they go so far as to discuss the finer points of necessary air guitar accessories, such as the air amplifier, pictured here;
I’m reasonably certain that I am in possession of the only copy of this book left in existence, but if you can find your own, I whole heartedly recommend it.
Are you experiencing a sensation in your brain parts right now?
That’s called learning, and inspiration.
Happy Hump Day everybody. Here is to having it in ones, twos, and threes.