Dirt, ho.

You know.. Like “dirt ahead”.. Not like a misspelled “dirt whore” although I suppose that would be applicable as well.
That’s right. For the first time since December’s unplanned ejection, I was on the brown stuff for an actual ride.
Granted, due to the tragic condition of the trails, we stuck mainly to the fire roads, but I am happy to say that I am back, and just as marginal as ever.
I gave The Skipper a call at the crack of noonish to see what he was getting into. Luckily a plan had been formulated to meet up with some other folks at the spot where folks meet, to crack a can and soak up some sunshine. Along the way however, we ran into Aaron, and he promptly joined in for some two wheeled fun;
Despite how this photo might appear, to my knowledge Aaron isn’t a Vampire;
You know… Cause in the picture he looks kinda glowy. Like in that movie ‘Twilight’..
Not that I’ve seen it.. I just heard some people talking about it..
Anyhow, we meandered, and descended, and climbed and schucked and jived all the way to the spot where we eventually met up with a few others;
Even though Dano left his prosthetic leg at home, he could still beat all of us in an ass kicking contest.
Falling ass over tea kettle down the hill back to civilization, we finished off the ride with cool showers;
Finally The Skipper and I parted ways with our compatriots and made our way back to his house where we drank a beer and I taught the resident dragon some new tricks;
Not a bad way to spend a sunny Sunday by any stretch.
But you gotta pay to play. Or at least that’s how it works in my world, so to do right by it, I adjourned back into the wilds to try and continue the trail work I’ve engaged in so far this winter.
Last time I was working, I ran out of steam midway through this project;
Well, the rains haven’t let up and the situation is only more dire. Fortunately, in my absence someone took it upon themselves to close that gap between the spans, but it was a drop in the bucket for what actually needed to be done;
I opened a man can, donned my big boy pants and got to work. Roughly three hours, gallons of sweat, several inches of broken skin and two table spoons of tears later, and I was nearly finished;
Obviously keeping people from riding during the trail’s most venerable times is an impossibility, and believe me.. I’ve tried.
At least this way I can help minimize the damage without having to engage in discussion with gaggles of self entitled freeriders.
That is except for when they almost run me over while I’m working.
Mr. wheel? Meet Mr. Shovel Handle.
Regardless of how many swarms of paintball armor wearing EXTREMEEEEEEists I encounter on the regular, it’s the little things that add up to alot. For example, while collecting ‘widow makers’ for my bridge work, I turned over a log and found this little guy;
He was coiled up and nestled in a small depression among the moist and rotting detritus of the forrest floor. So small was he that I initially thought he was an earthworm. I picked him up and as he slinked around on my glove I got lost in the silence and his smallness and how many times I’d past by here and never known that such a small animal could be nearby, watching.
I reflected on stopping and smelling the roses and if my new friend was wondering what I was thinking about. I took a photo and placed him back into his hollow, promptly covering him back up and wandering deeper into the woods to find another branch that wasn’t someone’s home.
That right there my friends is food for thought. Maybe not for you, but it works alright for me.
Now, for the one brazillionth time.
To recap. I have kits;
The Voler sizing chart is here, and looks like this;

Now for sort of a disclaimer- If you simply emailed me and told me what you wanted, THIS IS NOT AN ORDER. An order is where you buy the product, and I have cash in hand.
There is not a single chance in hell that I am going to place random orders for people in the hopes that at some point after I get done chasing them around, they’ll actually have money to give me.
If you want a kit, place an order, pay for the kit, receive it when they get here.
I’m pulling the trigger tomorrow at noon. This doesn’t mean that you can place an order at 11:55. In fact if you’re going to order, I would appreciate it very much if you didn’t do that.
You’ll still be included, it will just make things more complicated for me, and at this point not accidentally setting myself on fire in the shower is about all I can handle.
On that note, like that one famous French guy said many years ago, “Au revoir, mofos.”

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21 Responses to “Dirt, ho.”

  1. pinto March 17, 2010 at 8:56 am #

    Header shot matches lead in photo today. How very gauche. mon dieu!

  2. Jim March 17, 2010 at 9:02 am #

    I had trouble ordering a jersey today because your site insists that customers enter their preferred salutation. Unfortunately, the only entries available were Mr., Mrs., and Ms., and there was no entry for my preferred saluation, “What’s up, mother****er!” so I was unable to complete my order. In the interest of achieving monetarily significant economic success, I suggest you add additional salutations that your readers are known to use or to be greeted with, such as “how’s it hanging, brah?”, “got any bud?”, or the ever popular, “please step out of the car and put your hands on the hood.” I think you’ll get more orders once you add these salutations to the order form. I’d be more comfortable with them anyhow.

  3. HansInColorado March 17, 2010 at 9:51 am #

    What size would you recommend for “hefty male suburban sasquatch”?

  4. FunkyLaneO March 17, 2010 at 10:55 am #

    California Slender Salamander
    I am kind of a nerd for stuff like this. I am glad to see you put him back in his home and that you didn’t try to kill the rattlesnake the other day. You get it! you are good people Mr. Knevil.

  5. Newtron March 17, 2010 at 11:18 am #

    on the team, looking forward to ruining the fuck out of races and rides all summer long…. AHTBM BITCHES !!!

  6. Karl Hungus March 17, 2010 at 11:40 am #

    Throwing people who choose to dress/ride different bikes than you under the bus is a little unnecessary in my opinion. Lot’s of trail “work” happens on that hill from a diverse riding community. While I appreciate the effort, try not to break your arm patting yourself on the back because you threw a few sticks down. Love the blog by the way.

  7. Stevil March 17, 2010 at 11:51 am #

    The way I see it trail building (making what was a beautiful, smooth, and loamy single track trail ‘more rad’ with jumps, bridges and the like) and trail maintenance are two entirely different things and until the day happens that I’m not constantly mowed down by a bunch of yahoos on big bikes while I’m working, I won’t be changing my tune. As it happens, the only people who’ve ever stopped to ask if I’d like a hand or even to acknowledge my presence (this year, or any) have been hikers and skinny leg shaving types. I’m just calling it like I see it.

  8. Sean hurl March 17, 2010 at 11:54 am #

    Don’t be fooled by Steves Paul Irwin soft side. I once watched him strangle a one eyed trouser snake until it threw up.

  9. Jim March 17, 2010 at 12:15 pm #

    Oh boy. How are ya going to keep ’em down on the farm, once they’ve heard from Karl Hungus?

  10. TR March 17, 2010 at 12:46 pm #

    Evil one,
    Upon seeing this latest trail upkeep post, I remembered that you said your last anti-mud ‘sesh ended with some sore wrists, and I saw that your implements of destruction included a jackknife style folding saw. Those are OK for cutting down branches, but for sectioning stuff you want to pick up one of the triangular-style folding rigs like this right nyah: http://www.campmor.com/sven-folding-camp-saw-15-inch.shtml?source=CI&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=81057WC
    They’re $25, which is kind of grown up money, but I think you can get cheaper ones that aren’t the super duper Swedish rigs. But they put your hand and oomph over the blade rather than having to push down with your wrist, and cut way quicker than the little single folders. Highly recommended, probably the best money you spend on something other than beer all year.

  11. Stevil March 17, 2010 at 1:02 pm #

    Just so we’re clear and I can try and stem the tide of hate mail, (I get enough of that from African princes whose millions I reject) I am in no way saying that any and all individuals who prefer the squish and gravity side of the bike spectrum are knuckleheads. All across this great land the baggy short and platform pedal contingent are rolling up their sleeves and getting to work on the regular. Why, the beloved IMBA is densely populated by such individuals. I’m simply one person with a single perspective commenting on one person’s single set of experiences in a tiny locale. It is not my intention to throw stones, as I myself don’t live in a glass house.
    As I said, from my experience, inside of my skin, while working in my little microcosm, this is what I’ve personally experienced, though again, I realize that this is not the case across the board.
    Thank you for your time and consideration on this matter.

  12. Karl Hungus March 17, 2010 at 1:09 pm #

    Fair Enough Stevil. I just thought your comments seemed out of line with your usual “bikes is bikes is bikes and there ain’t a damn thing wrong with any of them.” philosophy, but what do I know? Not much apparently. Have a good one.

  13. El Gecko March 17, 2010 at 5:12 pm #

    So Stevil, any thoughts on doing a ‘black out with your sack out’ shirt? I’d definitely buy one. Got my Downzig shirt today and nearly shit myself with excitement (could have been the Burger King from earlier too). Anyway, keep on doin what you’re doin.
    -El Gecko

  14. hellbelly March 17, 2010 at 10:23 pm #

    Oh hell yes! I received my new trucker cap today and let me say that I was truly impressed that you went with the fully core high volume old school style. None of the neuvo Von Dutch bs, who is likely drilling a hole to China in his grave as every Hollywood jagoff struts around wearing his purloined designs. You are the real taste-maker my friend. Hahaha! Fuck the rest.

  15. reeed March 18, 2010 at 3:15 am #

    as king george the W said when told that 4 brazillian troops were killed in iraqistan, “how many is in a brazillian?” don’t misunderestimate the dumbness of us! we’re beyond and below all that. vote early and often!

  16. Benny March 18, 2010 at 9:58 am #

    Has the guy in the Adidas shirt asked for your ‘logs’ RIAA style so he can track down all your readers and dole out the punches they now deserve?

  17. Crank March 18, 2010 at 5:23 pm #

    I have a weird rash on my little buddy. What should I do?

  18. Bluenoser March 18, 2010 at 6:32 pm #

    Give little buddy a scrub with a Scotch Brite pad soaked in some Goo Gone and let us know how it goes.
    Be brave.

  19. Matticus Finch March 19, 2010 at 1:21 am #


  20. Case March 19, 2010 at 5:17 am #

    Greetings from Taipei, wish you were here.

  21. Hunk Williams, Jr. March 19, 2010 at 2:17 pm #

    Is it still cycling if your legs don’t “cycle”?