“Jeff Hale is open minded about gender-role assignment.”

It feels good to get that off my chest.
Now then, what with the Bike Snob taking off his chicken mask and all, the world is all a titter (or at least they were 48 hours ago) concerning the fact that he is an actual person and not a pulsing super brain plugged into a big machine and floating in a capsule of hazy, ambioticesque fluid.

Finding a suitable image for the introduction proved to be as difficult as the masses attempts at discovering his true identity, though aside from the one above, I am also pretty partial to this one;
I like the little hedgehog guy with a moustache.
Anyway, it’s truly been a rocket ride from the point of discovering his blog within months of its inception all the way to today and the announcement that aside from his morning yoga routines, reading it has become part of The Pope’s morning ritual;
I think The Snob’s success is an amazing thing, though not terribly surprising, and we will assuredly soon be hearing tales of his infidelities with boobified and only marginally better looking Marilyn Manson dopplegangers;
Because the true mark of a successful career is being able to sleep with as many different woman as possible who have tattooed foreheads.
At least that’s how I plan to track mine.
Anyhow, from my proverbial milk crate I would like to offer a public and hearty congratulations, wish him volumes of more success, and hope that he will happily enjoys the spoils of all the hard work;

“Arybody got they own kind of celebrating.”
In news of four wheeled hijinkery, you all might remember this clip that I posted some time ago of Denver’s own rubberman, William Spencer.
Between perusing wart removal home remedy forums and my daily standards of other random life lessons, I came across this new(er) offering;

The street is his canvas and a skateboard, the brush.
At this point in today’s post, I need to attend to a little bit of business. Due to the fact that Pace Sportswear apparently weaves their hat fabric from fibers spun of angel’s tears, the time in which it takes me to get an order tends to be a bit longer than I ever expect. To any of you who’ve placed orders for the AHTBM cycling caps recently, I appreciate your patience and am pleased to notify you that they are due to ship from their factory on the moon yesterday and should be making their way to my house soon.
Again, I cannot guarantee that they will make you look as handsome as my in-house model Delgado Boombalatti, but I stand by my claim that they will at least create the illusion that you are 38%-57% better looking than you are currently, and for some of you, that is an increase of nearly 70%.
Just prior to my incoming and outgoing shipments getting balled up, I was featured in a local newspaper sitting in front of my gigantic monitor, and declared the year’s most mediocre regional businessman;
It was truly an honor and at this past Monday’s awards ceremony I was presented with a very expensive bottle of Champagne, which I proceeded to uncork with my eye socket.
Even though I only get 50% of it, the view from the top is a breathtaking one.
On this fabulous Friday morning I’m thinking that we might have covered all of the bases today.
I’ve told some lies, I’ve told some truths, and I’ve made fun of a guy from Arkansas.
It’s time for me to drop my brain back in the jar for a recharge;

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12 Responses to ““Jeff Hale is open minded about gender-role assignment.””

  1. Andrea April 2, 2010 at 6:55 am #

    Sorry about the shortage of Angel tears. I’ve been trying to be good lately.

  2. Jim April 2, 2010 at 7:12 am #

    BikeSnob is peeeeeeepul!
    Sorry. I meant Soylent Green, not BikeSnob.

  3. Robot April 2, 2010 at 8:24 am #

    If I were William Spencer, having perfected movement, I would stop moving entirely. He’s only going to spoil his legacy.

  4. uma April 2, 2010 at 8:42 am #

    I always suspected you were a cerebral sort. The many references, visual and otherwise to brains, brain functions or lack thereof (see forehead tattoo, above) reinforce this suspicion and makes me wanna have your babies. But since I am not getting a forehead tattoo, that’s out. It also makes me really hungry, as seeing brains–especially brains with noodley appendages– call to mind His Holiness, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, seen here, defending pirates from a bad storm. Remember that, and me, the next time your schooner is a swooner.

  5. Snakebite April 2, 2010 at 9:06 am #

    If only there were more chicks with tattoos on their foreheads who’d allow their bodies to be peanut butter smeared.

  6. IglebikePartsguy April 2, 2010 at 4:36 pm #

    William Spencer!!!!!
    Not as smooth but a Gonz in the making.
    Awesome creative skating. This is the shit I really love when the board is involved.
    Good post Stevil.

  7. BiggerMig April 2, 2010 at 9:25 pm #

    Damn, that’s some fine skating.

  8. Crank April 3, 2010 at 6:14 am #

    Shout out to Logan Skateboards, Kryptonic wheels, Tracker Trucks, G&S fibreflex at the Del Mar Skate Park circa 1979. God damn I’m gettin old.That kid is a DaVinci.

  9. cyclotourist April 3, 2010 at 7:01 pm #

    True love will indeed not desert you. Until you go your separate ways. Then you gotta’ find some chick w/ a forehead tattoo.

  10. sk8r April 4, 2010 at 6:35 pm #

    William Spencer has some good taste in music, too.

  11. stinky April 4, 2010 at 6:54 pm #

    Bike snob is Jack O’neill?

  12. Greg D April 5, 2010 at 1:38 am #

    The skateboard videos fill the daily radness void. Thanks. Back to my mediocre cycling skills