Schizophrenia is the new high five.


Upon re-reading Monday’s post I am impressed with how much more disjointed my thought processes were than usual.
As it turns out, I am still not very good at multitasking, and with as much stuff that has been on my plate recently (not including van crashes, Rip Taylor, or hotdogs, which is generally a mainstay for me when spending time in my aforementioned meditation pyramid ), I feel as though I may have reached maximum density in Monday’s post.
To recap as concisely as I can, due to a few folks ending up with jerseys larger than their bodies, I wanted to create some way for folks to connect with one another in case a trade might be of interest.
On the advice of someone smarter than I am, I started the All Hail The Black Market Book of Faces® page, so that should you find yourself with access to that medium, you can begin the trolling process immediately.
Secondly, I suggested that if anyone is finding themselves with an ill fitting piece of clothing, that they might perhaps first try and sell it to a friend, and then place a new order for the proper size.
I want everyone to be happy.
Really, is that too much to ask?
I don’t think that it is.
Finally, relating to all of this, I will once again mention that the deadline for the newest and finalist order of AHTBM branded stretchy wear is next Tuesday the 6th of July, and that the Voler sizing chart for the styles of jersey I have can be found here, and looks like this;
Step one;
Step two;
Now that we have gotten business taken care of, let us begin with the regular.
As I dip into the mail bag, I get this correspondence concerning a worthy hero;
“Hey there Dr. Stevil –
Over the weekend, Thomas put on a Cranksgiving In June here in Ypsilanti, MI to benefit our local food bank. The event always involves some sort of remarkable remarks, but this one I just have to share.
This skinny dude Sandy pulled a couple mega-hauls in the “unlimited” category (2hr time limit, no money limit or doping restrictions). In 3 trips back to the drop point, he brought in 330 lbs of food.
Not kidding, no typo: three-hundred-and-thirty. He’s probably no more than 130 lbs himself, so… 2.5 times his body weight? 110lbs per trip? Shamed the rest of us, but in a happy-do-gooder-shamey kind of way…
– Andy”

By the looks of things, Sandy deserves to eat a little bit of that food he raised. Congratulations to everyone who was involved, and from my corner, I thank you all for the effort.
From the handsomest man in the Shimano camp, I got an email from the always fashion forward A.K.;
“I rode a bike to work today. It was fun.”
Somebody give that man a modeling contract.
Speaking of good looking individuals, I mentioned last week that in a fit of shaving frenzy, I inadvertently removed my beard leaving me with nothing to nervously tug on (get your mind out of the gutter) while going though emails from people looking for jersey exchanges. Upon receiving the following email from drjOn, I realized my folly wasn’t so bad after all;
“well done on the engagement…
you’ll have seen this …..
Been riding and holidayingin switzerland….borrowed an apartment from a friend…damn fine mountains….damn expensive beer….maybe thats the route of financial success….

I never thought such artistic rendering was possible. He obviously had much greater things to worry about than I do.
Though the original attachment that was with drjOn’s email was the following image, which for consistency’s sake should be included as well;
I wonder if something like that would be too understated for my wedding uniform?
While traveling across the time and space that are the internets, I came across this clip that was posted by my old friend Dave from Stolen BMX of their newly completed play land;

You can go ahead and file that one under ‘good times’.
And as long as we’re filing things, this one might get filed under the ‘I told you so’ heading. This past winter some of you might remember my stance concerning the government’s heavy handed approach of forcing flu vaccinations down our throats as one of general opposition.
Well, as it turns out one of the individuals who was behind that push has recently been given a brass ring by a major pharmaceutical company. Troy B. elaborates;
“Here is one I missed. Next time there is a vaccine scare, remember this story. Our Dr. Gerberding was the Chicken Little running around saying “get the vaccine or the sky will fall!” Now she has been rewarded with a fat cat gig at Merck Pharma. We should have legislations that prevents former government officials from accepting corporate gigs in private industry (hello, conflict of interest?) I had to actually help to administer the vaccines as part of my job with the Health Department.
I think I need a shower now.”

That right there is some good stuff, and to the person who commented on one of tirades by saying “I can’t wait until you get the flu”, I have some lovely real estate in Florida I’d like to sell you.
I’m sure you would be very happy with your investment.
To honor this past weekend’s Gay Pride events, I offer this email from Newt that sums up everything right with the world;
“In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man, and posted on the Internet. It’s funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s
Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination … End of
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other
elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male
and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A
friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned
in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a
fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is
in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15: 19-24. The problem
is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it
creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is my
neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I
smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.
Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally
obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is
an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there
‘degrees’ of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if
I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some
wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the
hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by
Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig
makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to
death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep
with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I’m confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and
Your adoring fan.
James M. Kauffman,
Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia
PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn’t own a Canadian)”

There isn’t much that I can add to Mr. Kauffman’s thoughts. That is what we in the baseball biz call ‘socking a dinger’.
In closing, it is oldish news by now, but its importance is no less noteworthy.
It is with profound sadness that I mention the passing of Tour Divide competitor Dave Blumenthal;
dave_b_2_0and eric.jpg
Like everything in my realm, the details are fuzzy, but apparently Dave collided with a truck in the midst of his adventure and died as a result, so with that, today’s post is dedicated to Dave and his family.
My thoughts are with all of you.
In parting, let this act as a reminder to ride your bikes, drink your beers and hug your loved ones like you might not have the chance to tomorrow.

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Leave a Reply

10 Responses to “Schizophrenia is the new high five.”

  1. Crank June 30, 2010 at 6:42 am #

    Just flew in from Texas, and boy are my arms tired (rim shot). Your last sentence sir, should be gilded.

  2. Troy B. June 30, 2010 at 8:02 am #

    Thanks for the posting Steve! I’m especially fond of the Dr. Laura retort, cheers bruddah!

  3. 333 June 30, 2010 at 9:25 am #

    ride your bikes, drink your beers and hug your loved ones like you might not have the chance to tomorrow … words of wisdom. i’ll work that more into my daily routine. easy to forget that kinda stuff sometimes.
    RIP Dave.

  4. mike June 30, 2010 at 9:31 am #

    that is hilarious. i’m not sure what a “Ed.D. Professor Emeritus” means, but i guess that means he’s a smart feller. it’s a better read than “STFU”

  5. dpow June 30, 2010 at 9:35 am #

    James M. Kauffman, FTW!

  6. Jeremy June 30, 2010 at 10:16 am #

    Try checking out
    for more info on Dave’s crash. Truly sad.

  7. curtis June 30, 2010 at 11:57 am #

    from dave’s blog:
    “I also tried my best to be there for Linnaea (his daughter), soon to be 4. She will miss me in ways an adult cannot truly appreciate, and I hope that our love will not be weakened by my absence. I hope that local friends will come to play, visit, and support Lexi and Linnaea while I’m gone, so that their time without me is happy and fulfilling.”
    … heavy.

  8. Bob O. June 30, 2010 at 9:24 pm #

    Dear Stevevil,
    Are you a top or a bottom?
    Bob O. From Missouri

  9. ian June 30, 2010 at 10:25 pm #

    title of your post put this song in my head…and jeebus, it’s been about 20 years since this album came out. still rocks.

  10. Howard Williams July 1, 2010 at 2:18 pm #

    Thanks for the the dedication to Dave Blumenthal, what a bummer.